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I Still Would Wait for Marriage Before Sex if I Had to Do It All Over Again

Several years ago I wrote an article about my decision to wait for marriage before I had sex. My decision to wait for marriage was something I didn’t share with very many people before I wrote the article. My decision to wait was a very personal choice that was based on my own convictions.

wait for marriage

To my surprise the post was very popular. For the most part I received really positive feedback. However, I did hear some negative feedback and the number one criticism I received was that I was a newlywed and hadn’t been married long enough to know anything.

Several people said I should write on the subject in a few years and see if I had a different take. (Interestingly all the negative feedback came from people who had chosen not to wait for marriage. Every single person who reached out to me who had waited or who was waiting had only positive thoughts on the subject.)

Despite the sting negative feedback leaves, I felt there was some merit to their viewpoint. I myself wondered how I would feel about the subject with a few more years of marriage under my belt.

So, here I am, I have been married for a few years and have three children. My life has changed dramatically. I’ve taken a moment to ask myself how I feel about my decision to wait for marriage in retrospect.

The honest answer is this: I feel the same.

If I had to do it over again, I would do the same thing. I still feel like it was worth it. I still feel the benefits outweigh the cost. If given the choice to make again, I would make the same one.

I won’t say the wait for marriage was easy. It wasn’t. I subtitled the original post “an honest look at the price of patience.” If I’m being honest, a price is paid when you wait. You lose some things. I had to watch my twenties fly by without the enjoyment of sex. The decade where a male is supposed to be in his prime saw me sitting on the sidelines. That is the price of patience.

But when I weigh the things waiting for sex took from me against the things it gave me it’s no contest.

Here is a very brief list of the best things my decision to wait for sex gave me:

The wait for marriage gave me discipline

Waiting for sex until I was thirty-two was one of the most difficult things I’ve ever done. I had to resist many temptations over time. But something happened as the years and temptations came and went. The temptations didn’t get any weaker but my strength grew greater. My discipline increased. In the same way that a guy who goes to the gym every day to resist weights finds himself able to resist greater and greater forces, I found myself able to resist greater and greater temptations. Somehow waiting made me stronger. And I found that the discipline I learned while waiting for sex was useful in other areas of my life. I found the discipline to resist temptation and to persevere and to delay gratification and to be consistent came in handy when I wanted to do other things like become a fitness model and start my own blog and write a novel.

The wait for marriage gave my wife security

Despite what several of my critics said, choosing to save my sex life for my wife was a gift to her. It gave her an incredible amount of security. What’s more it gave her a lack of insecurity. She could count on the fact that there was no competition for her in my mind or heart. She could know that I said no to everyone else so I could say yes to her.

The wait for marriage gave our relationship strength

I firmly believe that the fact that I waited to have sex until we got married gave my wife and I a stronger relationship. That is not to say that we wouldn’t have had a strong relationship otherwise. We would have. But my choice to wait gave our relationship an extra bond. My wife can rest in the fact that our intimacy is not in competition with anyone. It is the single item on a list of one. Our relationship can get a lot of strength and security in that.

Waiting gave me the ability to stand-alone

People often criticized me when they found out I was waiting for sex until I got married. There were three common accusations people leveled against me. The first was that I didn’t have any opportunities to have sex; the second was that I didn’t have any desire to have sex; and the third was that I didn’t really know how great sex was.

If I may be honest, these accusations are stupid to the point of absurd. Without being overly vulgar I will simply say that I had to turn down sexual opportunities most guys would die for. My only explanation being that when you choose to walk a different path the entire world will conspire against you. As for the second accusation, anyone who has seen me can tell you that I am a high testosterone animal. I wanted to have sex. The truth is, under any circumstances, assuming a twenty-something year old virgin doesn’t want to have sex is incredibly idiotic. Lastly, you don’t have to have sex to know how good it is. Our entire culture tells you how good it is every single day. Every commercial, song, show, book and movie tells you how great sex is. It’s not hard to figure out that sex is fun.

Waiting gave me an answer

I didn’t used to have an answer for the critics. But now I do. Now I have retrospect. And in retrospect the qualities waiting for sex gave me have become even clearer. Now I have an answer for the naysayers. Now I have a story. And with a few years of marriage under my belt now I can tell it a little bit better.

10 Responses to I Still Would Wait for Marriage Before Sex if I Had to Do It All Over Again

  1. Steve September 6, 2018 at 11:48 am #

    Great article brother. Many of your points work equally well for us single people in the outgoing battle with masturbation. Thanks for your stand and for sharing.

  2. Brenda September 13, 2018 at 4:15 pm #

    Beautiful

  3. Brenda September 13, 2018 at 4:15 pm #

    Beautiful , nice article

  4. Zeke September 14, 2018 at 9:26 pm #

    Always great Mr. Prather!
    Thank you for taking the time to follow up on this topic.

  5. Alice October 12, 2018 at 8:35 am #

    Fabulous! What a great follow-up.

  6. Jocelyn November 5, 2018 at 7:44 pm #

    All of the points you made are right on. My husband and I both waited til marriage, and I remember him telling me while we were engaged that he wouldn’t even cheat on me with ME before we were married. That was 10 years ago but I still to this day remember that conversation and how it gave me so much security knowing if he wouldn’t even cheat with me how there is no way I have to worry about him running around…. Our marriage is strong, vibrant, and healthy to this day. We have full trust in one another and continue to grow together. Absolutely loved this article. Thanks!

  7. Jaycub LeMaster May 17, 2019 at 2:17 am #

    Honestly I waited for marriage too (still not married) and turned down opportunities in my youth from the girls I wanted most. I can say that I deeply regret missing these opportunities and I am resentful of christianity for poisoning my mind and basically ruining my life. I feel like I have thrown away my opportunity to have an enjoyable life and have a genuine companion who I love and who loves me. (I took the time to let you know this because you said that all the people who disagree with you are people who did not wait).

  8. John Vadernberg May 29, 2019 at 12:41 am #

    Waiting for marriage before sex is the best thing ever. I’m happy I did and for singles ones, I’d advise them to wait.

  9. Abigail August 20, 2019 at 9:04 am #

    Well done! This article is a great testimony for singles.

    I wish I’d waited. I waited for 22 years, then lost my faith and ended up in an abusive relationship for half my twenties. When I finally left I was broken and had no self-esteem, and slept around to try to “regain” autonomy over my sexuality. I still had really poor boundaries and unsurprisingly, I ended up in even worse relationships!

    I’m so thankful God sent me the man who would become my husband when he did, because I was so reckless I quite literally almost got myself killed. He helped lead me back to the faith and even though we’d both been with other people, when I recommitted myself to God I felt that we should stop and wait until marriage and he agreed. It was a lot harder than it was when I was younger, but I’m very happy with our decision.

    Even if you didn’t wait and you’re single, or you stumbled at some point, you still have the opportunity to reconsider anytime and receive forgiveness. Not accusing the author of this, but in general I don’t really like this idea of virginity as synonymous with purity–you can choose sexual purity anytime, no matter what you’ve done in the past.

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