Last night we were playing the game “Mafia,” and I threw my wife under the bus. No one knows her like I do, and as I watched her, I could tell she was mafia in the first round. I “outted” her in front of everyone, and we townspeople won that game in record time.
In a good relationship, you get to see the emotional parts of her no one else gets to see. You’re entrusted because she believes you will protect her.
I heard someone from my hometown speak recently. It had been 20 years since I last heard him, and other than a few adjustments, his message was mostly the same. More importantly, the way he praised his wife still stood out. He pointed out she gets more beautiful year after year, he’s falling more in love with her with time, he’s lucky to be with her, she’s out of his league, etc.
There’s something inspiring and motivating about a guy who speaks well of his wife.
Most girls are looking for a guy who is going to provide safety and security. While us guys tend to think only of safety and security in the physical sense, she is often more concerned with how these pan out in an emotional sense. She wants to be protected within the relationship and among friends and family.
One way a guy can protect his girl emotionally is to speak well of her in public. Every girl wants to be presented in a good light by her boyfriend or husband, but sometimes we can do things that hurt her feelings without even knowing it. We may go overboard or hit a chord we never meant to strike.
Most guys don’t outright speak negatively about their girl. However we need to consider how our comments or actions done in the name of fun might be interpreted by her.
Here are 3 caution areas to make sure you speak well of her in public.
1. Jokes and pranks:
I’m the ultimate prankster, but my wife doesn’t want to be the target of my humor. She wants to be treated with love and kindness. When I’m laughing at her expense, she doesn’t feel covered. Not every girl is the same, but before you play a joke on her, take a moment and consider how she might respond.
2. Making fun of her:
I can remember making fun of my mom at dinner when I was a kid. My family was laughing and she was laughing along with us too, but a little later, she disappeared. I found her in the bedroom upstairs crying because she was hurt by my jokes. Among guys, we keep the momentum rolling when there’s laughter, but think a moment before you say something funny about her.
Sometimes we might say something that could hurt her when we quip we’re late to the party because she spent so long getting ready, when we banter how much time and money she spends on clothes, when we mock her conversations with friends on the phone. It’s light-hearted, and among guys, we laugh when it’s something we can relate to, but have you heard or experienced awkward jokes about a girlfriend or spouse that may have revealed too much?
3. Talking about her negatively to your friends:
If you’re concerned about her behavior, then it may be appropriate to discuss details with a counselor or a mentor. However, be cautious how you present her to family and friends. Why? You might turn your family and friends against her, and that could make for some awkward Thanksgiving dinners in the future. Model to others how you want them to speak of her. How you talk about her will reflect in how others talk about her.
Bottom line is, protect her reputation and image in every situation, and consider details…because she does. Words have power, and as the saying goes, “There is a grain of truth in every joke.” I get up in the morning and I tell my wife how thankful I am for her. I pray for her. Take a moment and remind yourself how amazing she is. Speak well of her in public and in private. Declare good things in your relationship, and they will happen.