Nice Guy vs Good Man: 8 Defining Differences

Nice guy vs good man

The Nice Guy–the dude who, no matter how kind or how hard he tries, always ends up in the friend zone. He’s the guy who usually has a lot of girl friends but can’t seem to get a girlfriend.

For those of us who try to be kind and go the extra mile for others, the nice guy’s consistent outcome is really discouraging. I often wonder, “Do girls only want jerks?” A lot of guys seem to have this question as well.

In the end, many women want a good man…not a nice guy. So, what are the differences?

Nice Guy vs Good Man: 8 Defining Differences

1. A nice guy’s kindness is an act, a facade he keeps for the purpose of making himself more appealing. But, a good man sees kindness as a lifestyle, and more importantly, it comes from his heart. When the walls are down, the good man is still a good man.

2. A nice guy lacks confidence, so he needs validation, usually from women. A good man is confident because he knows that he has value. He doesn’t need others to validate him.

3. A nice guy thinks he’s God’s gift to women. A good man believes women are a gift from God.

4. A nice guy is entitled and uses acts of kindness as a means to get something. A good man is kind solely because it’s the right thing to do. He will be kind and helpful whether he is recognized or not.

5. A nice guy handles rejection poorly, feeling that his good acts have been wasted on an “ungrateful” recipient. He may feel insulted by the fact he didn’t get the girl he “deserves.” A good man handles rejection with grace. He may feel hurt (nobody likes rejection), but he doesn’t give in to anger. He knows a kind act is never wasted, be it reciprocated or not.

6. A nice guy may tear a woman down in an attempt to elevate his pride. A good man will elevate a woman (or anyone else for that matter) simply because he has confidence and it’s the right thing to do.

7. A nice guy fears rejection. He gets stuck in the friend zone because he’s not bold enough to actually pursue a woman with strength and intention. A good man, however, is bold because he knows that rejection is the worst that can happen. He has the strength and confidence to handle rejection gracefully.

8. A nice guy is only worried about his reputation. A good man, however, is more concerned about his character.

In the end, the differences come down to authenticity and confidence. Is the kindness a facade or is it the core of the man? And is he timid and weak, or is he strong, confident, and bold?

18 Responses to Nice Guy vs Good Man: 8 Defining Differences

  1. Marian October 3, 2016 at 12:35 am #

    Nice said(I agree around 70%, which is very good compared to many BS information posted online, shown in movies and tv).

    My advices for “nice” and shy type of guys(helped me):
    1) Work on yourself to enjoy yourself
    2) Find your type of woman that wants the same as you do
    3) Enjoy the process of seducing her and showing her how much you want her, trying to make her feel attracted by you
    4) It’s a compliment that you wanna love her, both of you will feel wonderful. It’s no need to hide that, she has it’s own needs.

    • Marian October 3, 2016 at 5:40 pm #

      5) Practice

      A reason because beautiful women are confident is because they are constantly approached by men and the improve their behavior.

    • Kris Wolfe October 7, 2016 at 6:15 am #

      Thanks for your insight, Marian. I like your advice points!

  2. Charles Jase February 7, 2017 at 11:19 pm #

    Good article. Also nice guys often do things for their women out of fear that she may withhold approval, sex, attention, or whatever. A kind man has a higher degree of self love, which allows him to be more true to himself and more real with you. He will appreciate all of your beautiful womanly qualities and take every opportunity to make you smile because he admires you, which has caused his love for you to grow. But he will also call you out on b.s. when you are not being true to your best and true self. And he will accept the same from you if the situation is reversed. Nice guys will lose respect from their woman over time. Whereas a kind man will always be admired by the women and people in his life. Because his kindness is always real and deserved rather than given out of fear.

    • Kris Wolfe February 13, 2017 at 9:27 am #

      Thanks Charles! Great to hear from you, and I got a chance to head over to your blog. I look forward to reading some of your content!

  3. Nate perez January 20, 2018 at 2:26 am #

    Dam I’m a nice guy I always wander I am still single😂

    • Kris Wolfe January 21, 2018 at 9:41 pm #

      But now you can identity your previous mode of action and change it up!

  4. TIN March 9, 2018 at 10:49 am #

    This isn’t rocket science.

    Being nice is not detrimental to your attractiveness. Being impervious to rejection, a decent person who knows how to talk to people increases your chances.

  5. Sponge Bob June 18, 2018 at 6:55 pm #

    What about if you are more like the “good man” type you described but you still struggle with the dating game and you’re fed up of being stereotyped with the fake “nice guys”.

    • Kris Wolfe June 25, 2018 at 3:39 am #

      I believe authenticity will stand out with time. Keep fighting the good fight.

  6. jdave February 7, 2019 at 2:08 pm #

    Web sites and articles like this are bullshit and just do more to sell stupid structural ideals that are supposed to shoe horn every man into an archetype. just like every stupid feminist article/list/etc. you’re preaching an idea like everyone chooses to have low confidence, or that building it up is as easy as the nike slogan “just do it”. So what do men do when they want to build confidence? just to act kind out of the goodness of their hearts? well they’re still being sold a notion that if they act a certain way, they’ll get a certain thing as reward. the whole idea of lists sites like this is “do this, and eventually you’ll get this”. The promise here is that they’ll get something in return- confidence. And that’s the problem with the fake it till you make it approach to confidence. Its another approach sites like this tout as a solution to “self actualizing” who you are. You can’t make confidence out of a few days, months or even a year of acting a certain way. It is something you have and was fostered in you from a young age, or something you don’t and trying to cultivate it too late in life will just have you looking and acting foolishly. Faking it till you make it just makes you do kind things out of a notion that they’re not things you would do anyways.

    For any one reading sites like this or being duped by the feminist cunts or the mens-rights losers around you- stop it. Feminism will criticize a man for being thirsty and talking to woman and in the same breath talk down about men who don’t talk to woman and are quite introverts- its some lop side practice in profiling men as either being guilty of a certain set of traits OR being equally guilty for displaying the opposite traits. Men’s rights activists just play right into this shit with articles like this and sites like this that just compound the issue.
    All this bullshit is making people’s heads spin.

    Most men who are successful with woman and life are doing so regardless of good intentions and where their hearts are. Most of the guys I know who are successful are the biggest sleaze bags and the woman around them CHOSE not to see it. they’re the popular guys in the circles for a reason- and for the people around them to see who they really are and identify that would cause a dissonance about the people around them.

    my suggestion: learn to manipulate. if that means being the nice guy with false intentions- do it. no one but you knows. I am not saying you should sell false notions of who you are- don not lie to get what you want- because people will find out who you are. I am saying use people against themselves (whether that means lowering their inhibitions, or negotiating a business deal, etc etc) to get what you want. It wont do shit for your confidence because you cant fake certain things. but perhaps over time you can raise your spirit from obtaining enough gifts from manipulating the minds of those around you, influencing their impressions of who you are, etc, that your confidence in your skills as a someone who is a social influencer (another word for master manipulator) will grow.

    Or if you’re too good to manipulate people to get what they want be content with what you have around you.
    All the men I know who are lauded as #woke bae’s actually have the worst private dialogue regarding woman and homosexuals; They cut down men (even their own friends) who receive positive attention from the woman they want in secret; they virtue signal but because of who they are and the status they’ve gotten through manipulating others they are praised for it;
    they’re thought of as extremely confident but aren’t confident at all. And how can you tell one from the other? you cant because the differences between one and the other (just like every item on this list) is only known to that individual. You can pick up on certain things based on how they act the few times they let their guard down but the majority of people aren’t looking or don’t want to look because seeing the true nature of the popular person in any circle when you hold a notable position in that circle would cause you mental dissonance. Instead of feeling this dissonance the human mind will explain it away. The other option is calling that person out, or challenging that individual’s true intentions. This however could mean you’ll lose everything you have within that circle- so any plays against them have to be made in quite and behind their back… which is equally manipulative.

    Here’s the bottom line: there’s bullshit double standards everywhere. for every push in one direction you have a million people trying to sell you feel good solutions from the other side.
    If you’re a good person keep doing you. If you’re a bad person, it doesn’t matter you’ll do whatever the fuck you want anyways. I do not mean to shit on this site, I think its admirable that you’re trying to pick people up instead of ridiculing them for being “beta” a “cuck” or whatever. But as a guy who went from one side to the complete opposite and I’ve witnessed the hypocrisy on both sides of every possible social argument ever- enough is enough.

    • Emilia December 9, 2020 at 3:22 pm #

      What a long winded way of saying, “I’m neither nice nor good and am a miserable prick”.
      That was exhausting bro.
      I bet, just being in your presence void of actual interaction is exhausting in and of itself.
      Good luck gaining the esteem of all your peers and may you be eyeballs deep in pussy for life.
      What you are putting out is what you will get back always. The reason that’s all you see in people is because you’re looking in a mirror.
      Change your perspective, or maybe gain some.

  7. Jeff Johnson November 28, 2019 at 12:47 pm #

    An interesting article.

    I guess I am in a weird middle ground between the two.

    My Kindness comes from with in.

    But people say I don’t have confidence. I don’t feel I have a good perspective from which to measure it myself.

    Also #7 is a weird one for me. I’m usually good with rejection. But this one is weird. I don’t think I will say more.

    I would like to think some of that is changing at least.

  8. Judy P August 28, 2020 at 5:57 pm #

    aracter.In the end, the differences come down to authenticity and confidence. Is the kindness a facade or is it the core of the man? And is he timid and weak, or is he strong, confident, and [email protected] a woman well into senior years, with three grown sons and years of life experiences in person or through observation, I have to say Andrew Loeschner is absolutely correct and right on the dot.  It’s wise and astute observations.  Having lived in different countries and cultures, through many relationships and  diverse work environment, I am so very impressed by the keen, succinct, and accurate commentary Mr. Loeschner made here.  Many men claim and are called ‘a nice guy’, but they are not ‘good and kind men’.  They only care to present an image of being ‘nice’ in front of others, but are in the core, neither kind nor thoughtful.   They present superficial good behaviors in front of people to win praises for themselves.  If there is no ‘audience’ or ‘praise’, they show little or no sign of genuine kindness and goodness.  All the ‘niceties are shows put on for others; there is no authentic inner structure to sustain the ‘image’ or ‘show’ in the long run.  That’s why people tend to be surprised or shocked as time goes by by their acts or words by uttering “I have no idea!  He seems like such a nice guy!”  No surprise there, niceties have no substance, only backed by vanity and self love, whereas kindness and goodness come from within, has substance and are sustainable.

  9. Tracy September 7, 2020 at 4:55 am #

    I believe the author is confusing the term nice guy with narcissist. I also believe “nice guy” is synonymous with good guy until proven differently

  10. Notsoniceguy August 26, 2021 at 1:12 pm #

    ok so i was in this situation where i contacted a girl i was seeing for 8 months. she told me she only went out with me because of the attention and ego boost. i had a go at her saying you shouldnt use people for attention or if you are then you should state that up front. does that make me a prick or have i handled that the right way? i feel like im a good guy but i hate this nice guy label, i’ve always been upfront about my intentions but i dont feel i was given the same treatment by her?..


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