Girls Want a Man with a Plan: 3 Questions To See if You’re Him


Don’t buy into the myth. Do girls really want a bad boy? Are girls just aching to lasso in a jerk? No, and definitely not for a long-term relationship. One thing is for certain: girls will take a bad guy over a nice guy. Why? The nice guy has zero self-confidence. He cares too much about what others think of him, he caters to everyone’s needs, and worst of all, the nice guy is overly sensitive. There is a difference between a nice guy and a good guy. As our site states as its tagline, a good guy has “integrity, influence, and confidence to be successful at all things,” and that includes winning over the girl of his dreams.  The consensus among the females I know is: girls want a man with a plan. Ask yourself these 3 questions to see if you are “the man with the plan.”

1.  Do you believe in yourself enough to go for your dreams?

Confidence, not cockiness, is attractive. You have to know your identity. Girls like men who know who they are. I’ve heard the question, “Are you a thermometer or a thermostat?” Are you influencing the world or are you constantly changing based on what everyone else is doing? If you have a sense of identity, then you have a vision for your life, which means you have a passion. Maybe you feel stuck in a job right now?  I’m not saying you should just up and quit, but you can start pursuing your passions on the side. This website is my passion. I’m not making a dime, but you have to start somewhere. What is one small step you can take today? Tonight, I watched Empire Strikes Back with Kristen. When Luke Skywalker says, “I don’t believe it,” Yoda says, “That is why you fail.” It’s imperative you believe in yourself first.

2.  Do you make plans or do you ask her what she wants to do?

Girls don’t want to ask what the plans are for a date. But, one answer that’s bound to turn them off is, “I don’t know, whatever you want to do.”  A thought-out date shows how much you care. You should consider where you are going to take her, what time, and what you are going to do.  As I wrote in 10 Ways to Win a Girl’s Heart, be creative.

3.  Is your dream big enough to attract and keep the kind of girl you want?

If you just started dating, you probably shouldn’t talk future prematurely. But, if you’ve been dating awhile, and she’s the one, then you should be talking future plans. As a leader, you cast the vision. Is your vision just for yourself or have you dreamed plans big enough to require the power of two? For example,  I started a men’s group before Kristen and I started dating. As our relationship grew, she encouraged me to write content for men since she was already writing for women. We both have the same vision now, and we’re constantly stimulating each other creatively. You will have so much fun reaching for an unreachable goal together. I can’t imagine doing a life-time partnership any other way.

Don’t be that guy who texts last minutes and says, “meet here.” It’s not about being controlling or old-fashioned. One of my coworkers told me she turned a date down because he asked her out the same day. She expected a guy to make plans at least three days in advance. She has a busy career and to her, planning in advance shows a guy cares. Passive guys usually get turned down. Girls want a man with a plan, but be flexible. Have an alternative plan in place should Plan A not work. Looking back, I wish I would’ve gone one step ahead when I first met Kristen. I would’ve gotten her number the night I met her and made plans a few days later. Benjamin Franklin gave some wise advice that can apply to dating when he said, “By failing to prepare, you are preparing to fail.”


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13 Responses to Girls Want a Man with a Plan: 3 Questions To See if You’re Him

  1. Sandra Bellamy September 5, 2013 at 8:08 pm #

    I think this is good advice. I am happy being single at the moment but I think it is good if a guy knows what he wants. I like stability and if a guy keeps going with the flow how do I know what he is really about. Being very busy with my career, I would prefer a guy who plans a date in advance but I would like to be consulted on what I would like to do for the date.

    • Kris Wolfe September 5, 2013 at 11:43 pm #

      Thanks for the feedback Sandra! You brought up a good point. My wife would’ve been ticked if I randomly took her on a paintball date, but would you want a guy to consult you on where to go before the first date? Or is that for later on the relationship?

  2. Alejandro September 6, 2013 at 2:07 am #

    Right on time bro. Good stuff!

    • Kris Wolfe September 6, 2013 at 6:43 am #

      Thanks Alejandro! How are things up in Michigan?

      • Alejandro September 6, 2013 at 11:13 am #

        Things are going great! Let’s just say that this blog and others you have wrote are a tremendous blessing now. God is amazing bro! How are things in LA?

        • Kris Wolfe September 7, 2013 at 5:38 pm #

          I really appreciate that brother. Man, that means so much to me. It’s confirmation I’m doing what I was created to do. Your support means so much!

          • Alejandro September 8, 2013 at 12:39 pm #

            That is what we do brother. You are a blessing to the Body and to so many men who are waiting and have waited on God for the right One. Your story blesses me. God can give you the desires of your heart. I will support and do what I can bro…I got you.

  3. Dan Bright September 22, 2013 at 12:25 am #

    Great write-up Kris! Helped refresh some things I have let slip my mind.

    • Kris Wolfe September 22, 2013 at 2:01 am #

      Thanks brotha. I gotta get you to write a post soon!

  4. Mat December 6, 2013 at 5:18 am #

    Great article! Short but precise!

  5. Cookiesncream89 December 7, 2013 at 1:09 pm #

    A very informative article, indeed. A guy with a plan shows that he sees a potential future (especially if you’ve been dating for more then a year), that in return gives us girls a sense of emotional security. I think making suggesting is a good idea especially if you’re still getting to know each other. It is important for both parties to be comfortable with the plan especially if you’re not too sure if each other’s likes & dislikes. I do like a guy who’s spontaneous with plans for dates but I do have the agree that planning ahead for a meet up & sticking by it is the grand prize to any relationship. To err, is human and there’s nothing wrong with changing plans for valid reasons but do it one too many a time and she’ll think she’s not important.


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