When Tammy Hotsenpiller first told me about the 5 F’s of dating, I did a Google search and found Urban Dictionary’s definition. It goes something like this: 1. Find Her, 2. Follow her, 3. Finger Her 4. F#[email protected] Her, 5. Forget her. Obviously this is not the way of a gentleman, and it’s polar opposite of good guy swag. It’s not even fit for a professional pick-up artist. It’s creepy. Follow her? What does that mean?
Urban Dictionary supplies a definition for a man with no sense of responsibility and no personal standards. When a man has zero personal standards, he usually has poor dating standards, and in the long run, turns into that old creepy man who does “follow her” and stalk her at the bar, and on social media.
And then forget her? If there’s no commitment from the start, then there’s no commitment to finish. What happened to loyalty? When did you cheapen relationships to a fast food establishment? Think long-term, beyond one night. Think future wife material.
The 5 F’s of dating we talk about on today’s podcast are: Finances, Future, Friends, Family and Faith. It just so happens these standards are similar to the Wife List qualities.
Money issues end up being the #1 cause of divorce. Resentment can develop in a relationship when one person saves and one person splurges. Conflict can also arise when one person thinks the other person should be making a certain income. Iron financial issues out early on because they may be the most important long-term predictors of the relationship. If saving is important to you, then talk about it before marriage. No surprises. Just heard a story of a girl who married a guy and found out he was in financial debt after the honeymoon…not a good first step in a marriage.
Do you want kids? What if she doesn’t? How do you want to raise them? What if you want to live on a farm, and she wants to live in the city? There’s a reason “Green Acres” ended in 1971. Get on the same page before you start talking long-term commitment. Sharing similar future goals now will prevent hardship later on.
Does she get along with your friends? Do you share common friends? Does she enjoy some of the same hobbies you do? Friendships shouldn’t dissolve upon marriage. They should become more important, especially with other married couples.
Don’t think you’re just marrying her, and not marrying her family. Maybe she came from a bad family? Has she sought counseling and therapy to repair the damages? If not, how does she treat her family? That will cue you in on how you will be treated later on.
It’s paramount to share a similar faith because it’s so personal. You can connect with someone on a physical level, and on a mental level, but dating someone who isn’t a kindred spirit can be miserable. That’s what being “equally yoked” is all about. It’s easy to get into a relationship. It’s easy to get married. It’s not easy to have a great life, and to have a great marriage.
Some people are so desperate to find someone, instead of finding “the one.” Have some standards for yourself and then you will have some standards for the person you are going to date. Life is too short. Make it worthwhile, and make it great.
Be sure to listen to our second podcast with Phil and Tammy Hotsenpiller for Relationships Radio: