How a Man Can Change Himself: 5 Catalysts for Improvement

You don’t have to be stuck in a rut. You do have the potential to change. While change is incremental and slow, you are a constantly changing being. This article is about how a man can change himself and highlights 5 catalysts for improvement.

how a man can change himself

Change must first begin with how you think of yourself

“As a man thinketh, so is he” from Proverbs 23 became the basis for James Allen’s book As a Man Thinketh, one of the first self help books written in 1903.

Have you ever thought, I’m not where I want to be? or This is not where I thought I would be?

On a road trip, if you steer off course while using a directional devise, Waze will reroute your trip to ensure you arrive at the correct destination.

Life isn’t like that. When we steer off course, we can only rely on a sometimes defunct conscience. But we can reroute our lives through changing our mindsets. The mind controls everything. Think with purpose. Ask yourself, “Does this action agree with what I want to accomplish?”

In my new book Black Tie, I write, “Don’t get distracted by things that are short-lived…Integrity, courage, honor…these qualities are everlasting.” Think long term and focus on what’s good.

Diet and exercise

For me, one of the most important steps on my journey was physical transformation. Seeing a result can provide a lot of confidence. When I began weight training, I was skinny, weak, and intimidated at the gym. It took some time, but within a year, other people took notice. Hearing people say I looked bigger, spurred me to work out more. I felt better overall as well.

For the past few months I’ve been training with a trainer. I never thought I needed one, but my mother-in-law told me last week I look the best I’ve ever looked. Having someone to push you can lead to better results which leads me to…

Spending time with the right people

While I might put in the work and effort, I’ve been shaped by the people around me. I wouldn’t be the man I am today had it not been for that group of upper classmen who took me under their wings my freshman year of college. I wouldn’t be the man I am today had it not been for a campus ministry at Missouri State University and Theta Chi fraternity.

A lot of guys look for identity in their work, who they date, what they have…but it’s through community we discover our talents, our identities, and purpose. Have you found your team?

We talk a lot about mentorship here. Find someone you admire and offer to buy them coffee or breakfast. Spend time around the people you would like to be.

Spiritual growth

Maybe it’s the mentality of the “American Dream,” but I subconsciously believe if I work really hard for something, I can achieve it. While this can be true, I’ve also found I can also achieve much at rest. When I strive, I operate from a place of desperation and need. But when I operate from an understanding that I’m loved and fully accepted, I can rest in a quiet confidence and focus more effectively on improvement. For me, spiritual growth is finding and reminding myself that I’m a son.


Exposure…vulnerability…fully seen…words most guys don’t want to hear. We all experience shame in one form or other, but we pay the price when we remain hidden. We weren’t created to be hidden creatures. We were created to create and reign.

A man can change himself by shedding the mask, the act, and the false self he’s created. He can change into the man he was created to be.

Bottom line: Don’t change for someone else. Do it for yourself. In 10 Ways to Win a Girl’s Heart, a large part of the beginning chapter is about operating from being before doing. All things will come from where you are centered. Where will your center be?

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2 Responses to How a Man Can Change Himself: 5 Catalysts for Improvement

  1. Easton July 28, 2017 at 3:41 pm #

    In terms of fitness it seems no matter how much I work out I can’t gain a pound! You’ve said that you were basically a stick in early college, how did you go from that to now? I’m about 165 pounds 6’5″ and 20 and it seems all I can visually see a difference is in my core and then running like a maniac, doesn’t matter how many times I crank out my crazy long distance push-ups I feel like I can’t gain any weight…it feels like there’s some magic number in time of which you need to work out to gain a pound, so far I haven’t found it.

    • Kris Wolfe August 7, 2017 at 5:27 am #

      Easton: We were about the same’re a bit taller. I used to run like a maniac. I don’t run anymore, though, simply because it takes off so much weight. Weightlifting provided me with the size I wanted. It took awhile, but it eventually came.

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