I really love my wife; I mean fiercely love her. She is my spiritual guide, my prayer warrior, my twin flame and my bestie. We wake in the middle of the night with jokes for days only to wake up in the morning and laugh even more because we have no clue what it was we were laughing about. Anything I’m doing I would enjoy more doing with her. Anything I’m doing without her leaves me focused on when next I will see her. I can’t imagine a day of my life without her. I’m a romantic and I am compelled to believe that I am not the only man blessed with such an amazing partner thought and form.
Unfortunately, we do not always know how to keep a relationship from becoming mundane due to our complacency and ineptitude regarding spontaneity and variety. The ensuing list of suggestions, “7 Things You Should Do With Your Wife” is by no means complete or even comprehensive, rather it is a jumping off point, and from here I solicit your experiences and ideas to hopefully contribute to this growing, living document.
Ok, first and foremost we will start with the granddaddy of all practices:
Listen To her
When I say “listen to her” I don’t mean when she tells you to do something you are bound to do it (although it’s a good idea if you’re married). I’m talking about actively listening when she desires your attention and auditory investment. This means put down the remote or phone, make eye contact, lean in and be interested. We don’t talk unless we feel it is something important so put in the effort. Listening does take energy. You have to commit, really show up and be present for her (the same way you eagerly desire her to be when intimacy is anticipated).
Let’s go vertical with this: ask her how her day went, how yoga was, how her job was, etc. Don’t wait on her to solicit your ear. Seek her tales of adventure. One caution though: make sure your line of questioning does not come across as distrusting, requiring her to account for every step. Keep your questioning light and she will give you as much detail as you are visually ready to receive. If she is spent from her long day or perceives a less than perfunctory interest from you, this may be a brief exchange.
Focus on Her
Rihanna explains it all when she sing, “Want you to make me feel like I’m the only girl in the world.” Do you think if you have the SI swimsuit edition or Maxim and Stuff magazines littering your bathroom or bedroom you are projecting that sentiment? As men we are very visual creatures and women, generally speaking, are very conscious of other women and where we fix our gaze. If you have to read these tabloids, do it at the barber or the magazine rack.
One of my favorite observations comes from comedian Dennis Miller regarding The National Inquirer. Dennis wryly said, “I understand perusing the cover of The National Inquirer while standing in line at the checkout counter but, at what point do we say to ourselves, ‘You know, I should really get a subscription to this.'” Save the outdoor magazines for the mailbox and coffee table.
Let your woman know, sincerely, uniquely and frequently that you would cross hot coals on your hands and knees for her. They don’t teach that at any Anthony Robbins seminar. Tell her with words how amazing she is and show her with acts, because she is really amazing. Touch her passionately but platonically so she isn’t led to believe you are in this for missionary motives, and no hidden agendas. She needs to hear, “You are so freakin amazing I have to reach and touch you, just because I am permitted to.”
Your wife is like artwork that should be hung in the Louvre, so take a moment and just observe her, let her beauty warm your heart.
This is one area women have excelled and we are just totally clueless. You my have heard the quote, “Behind every good man is a great woman.” That statement’s veracity can be corroborated by reading almost any autobiography of a great man. When your wife has a new endeavor that fills her full of fire and life, now is not the time to be the small, egocentric man. Do not fear her greatness being revealed or her possible acquisition of a new social circle. This is your opportunity to show her you are in her corner with full trust in her virtues and her abilities. We all need something for ourselves in order to be our highest self, to be our happiest self. She has sacrificed for you over and over and now it’s our turn to give full support in any way we can. I’m quite sure she has earned it.
Take Her on Dates
Remember back to the passionately uncertain beginnings of your current relationship? Back when you were driven by fear of loss and desire to please and impress what you had culled through courting? Is it prudent to have ever digressed from those moments? If your wife was lulled into amorous commitment through the time-honored rituals of this sequence of events you can choose to neglect this process at your relationships demise. But, I would recommend purposefully allotting time for these amour inspiring events to transpire.
Dance with Her
I know this one shakes most of us to our very core with a fear factor analogous to public speaking and if you ask the right creative type, they would tell you dancing is a mode of public speaking. This is one area where your courage really needs to allow for your vulnerability. The good news is this: you don’t have to have moves like Chris Brown or Ne-Yo. If you have ever seen Hitch with Will Smith and Kevin James, “You live here”, you’ll see the simple and reproducible moves. There aren’t many things that will warm your girl up for a night of intimate bliss like some dance floor booty bumpin’ with her dude.
Bring Her Flowers
The proper perspective and the significance of bringing your lady flowers should not be relegated to the mere act of gift giving. This simple gesture not only involves a sensory explosion of kaleidoscopic colors and scents, it says a lot more. You are showing your wife that although you’re not with her physically and mentally, you never left your side. You held her in your thoughts while brooking the unpleasant distance between parting and reuniting. Flowers signify the moment. By their very nature they are ephemeral and beg to be immediately appreciated, knowing their blessing of beauty rapidly flees.
Life and relationships reflect this very transient existence and require us to be fully present in the moment to fully access their rewards. If we are forever wallowing in the regret or pain from our past or worry and stress of our future we will miss this precious and fleeting gift of now. And now is the only moment we can ever experience.
Pray With Her
Your wife is already in a relationship with someone else and he has very big shoes for you to fill. Praying with your wife and praying for your wife are an essential foundation for the bond you have created between your wife, yourself and God. You have at least 3 built-in opportunities throughout your day to do this: in the morning, at your dinner meal and just prior to going to bed. Give gratitude for another day with your amazing wife is perhaps our greatest blessing. Let your precious wife hear you pray for her happiness and hear you thanking God for the amazing gift he has bestowed upon you through her.
Allow me a moment to indulge you in a little exercise. Imagine you come home, open the door and realize things are different. No hug at the door to greet you, no comforting smile or warm lips eager to meet yours. You fix your own meal, go to sleep all alone and wake the same way. No one is there to share your breakfast or your morning with you and no one to see you off to work with an encouraging word. This exercise is called “negative projection” and affords us the opportunity to experience an uncomfortable situation from the protection of a vicarious vantage point. So now I ask you to allow yourself a moment to decide whether you feel it’s important enough to follow these 7 suggestions. I guarantee you the face of your relationship will change if you do.