What Is Intentional Dating?


There’s just something about the words “intentional dating” that don’t quite sit right. It sounds intense. Remember that time Spot got neutered? Before his man parts were removed, he had a ton of energy. He was king of the world. Then he came home from the vet, and he became eerily calm. I think that’s what “intentional dating” is for a guy.

And maybe it’s just me, but I’ve always hated when people ask me what 1-year, 5-year, and 10-year plans I have for my life. No guy wants to be cornered, much less think beyond today. If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it. What’s wrong with the current state of affairs?

These words from teachers and managers continue to haunt me….

Proper Prior Planning Prevents Poor Performance
A failure to plan is a plan for failure.

The great men of history all seem to live by a planning motto. Take some of these great words from the legends:

  • If you don’t know where you are going, you’ll end up someplace else. Yogi Berra
  • Give me six hours to chop down a tree and I will spend the first four sharpening the axe. Abraham Lincoln
  • It’s not the will to win that matters—everyone has that. It’s the will to prepare to win that matters. Paul “Bear” Bryant
  • Let our advance worrying become advance thinking and planning. Winston Churchill

And then I read this quote from every guy’s current hero from Guardians of the Galaxy, Chris Pratt.

You get to a point where you have to start planning, when you cross that line where you have enough value to get someone’s movie made if you attach yourself to it, you have have to be very thoughtful and have to plan. When you’re starting out, you’re willing to do anything. 

It doesn’t matter if it’s being in movies, having success in your professional life, or dating the woman of your dreams, a guy must finally make the decision to put aside the crazy ways of his youth to become a man. Desperation is put aside, and a calm inner confidence begins to set high standards for the next stage of life.

What is intentional dating?

When a guy understands his value, and decides he wants success, he becomes thoughtful and develops a plan for the type of woman he’s going to marry. When he meets her, he executes the plan.

If you’re dating for fun, or dating for comfort, that’s dating without purpose.

Intentional dating is dating with a purpose and a plan. It has definition and structure. It’s asking a girl out and actually calling it “a date.” If things go great and the chemistry is strong, it’s asking her out again, and then again. It progresses and builds. It tells her you want to be her man. Before she can ask you for a DTR conversation, you’ve already defined it. It has an aim, and that target is to find your wife. The plan is laid out like you’d prepare a speech in school. It’s telling her what you’re going to do, doing it, and telling her what you did.

It’s being upfront.

If you don’t see a future, it’s being honest. It doesn’t allow a relationship to just fizzle out. Intentional dating means you don’t just stop calling her if it’s not working. There’s no “ghosting” involved. There’s a clean cut because confusion causes way more hurt and damage in the end. It’s plain and simple. It’s black and white.

It’s being a man.

As much as I hate planning and organization, I’d like to think my life is worth more than just drifting with current. No, I want to grab hold of my destiny. Success requires planning and vision. I wasted years dating girls hoping something would miraculously just switch, but a good and sturdy building doesn’t just spring up overnight. I’ve been guilty of being that coward guy…many times over.

When I met Kristen, I had no choice but to be intentional. She’s the most amazing woman I’ve met. The best require intention. But as much as I saw the treasure in her, I remembered the treasure in myself. That gave me confidence. Throughout the whole dating process, I knew I was the man. I saw a vision of what our relationship could be, and I set about making plans. Our relationship became a priority. Work, which had always been a top priority, took a back seat to Kristen. It wasn’t easy, and there were consequences, but I found something that extended beyond a paycheck and it was all worth it. Some say, “the road to hell is paved with good intentions,” but I believe the road to a heavenly relationship is paved with intentional dating.

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2 Responses to What Is Intentional Dating?


  1. 14 Questions To Discover Your Dating Goals | GoodGuySwag - October 29, 2014

    […] the past couple of weeks, we’ve been discussing intentional dating, or dating with purpose. To sum it up, intentional dating is about having plans and goals in the […]

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