The Most Important Thing To Throw Away Before you Find Love


If you can’t handle rejection, can you handle love?

When I was in college, an advertising professor humiliated me in front of the class. It hurt my ego. Instead of putting my ego aside and allowing myself to learn from this professor, I withdrew from the class. Looking back, I realize I allowed my ego to get in the way of becoming a better man.

As much as you feel protected, your ego is not your friend. It’s holding you back. It’s keeping you from authentic love. There’s a great man with major good guy swag standing behind your ego.

Over the years, I’ve been involved in many organizations and have watched so many guys throw a legacy in the trash because their egos got hurt. It’s crazy how tightly we hold onto our egos. I’ve been there. We would rather sit on the sidelines in misery and lose literally EVERYTHING than allow our ego to carry a single blemish.

We’ve all seen people get offended or hurt, and as a result, take themselves out of the game. It happens in sports, fraternities, volunteer groups, youth groups, business meetings, etc. and it’s encoded in phrases like….

I just didn’t like the direction they were going
It was a waste of time
No one was pulling their weight
Everyone was fake, no one was a real friend.
No one listened to what I had to say

or excuses for not pursuing relationships…

She has a lot of issues she needs to deal with first
She’s really not my type anyway
I just need some alone time 
I’m not really looking for a serious relationship

There are some legitimate reasons to walk away, but next time you want to quit, ask yourself, “Is this my ego?” Be personally accountable. Is there a pattern? Why are you going back on your commitment, your word?

When you’re rejected or your ego takes a beating, take a moment and consider, “I’m being prepared to be a good lover.” Seriously. If you can’t handle being denied, you’re going to be a miserable person to date. I can tell you as a married man, walking out of the room when your ego gets damaged gets you no where. In fact, it compounds the problem. Marriage is a commitment where you promise to stay through thick and thin.

You might be thinking, “I’ll be different when I’m in a relationship,” but endurance is not case specific. The ego hates commitment. If you quit when your ego gets hurt, that pattern spills over into everything: sports, projects, business, relationships, and even your spiritual life.

The ego is a shield, it’s protection, and it’s probably helped you excel in many areas of your life, but it’s selfish; and because it’s selfish, it’s kept you from love. Ego is only concerned with self-preservation, and could care less about serving someone else. It’s the most important thing to throw away before you find love because it’s not even remotely related to your true self.

What would success look like if you swiped your ego aside and put all of yourself into an endeavor?

In the original 300, King Leonidas screams, “Prepare for glory.” Glory doesn’t happen overnight. It takes preparation. Glory comes from being beaten down and rising again. Glory can happen in defeat, but it doesn’t happen when you quit. It’s living boldly enough to say, “Even with this arrow sticking through my shoulder, I will not quit.”

And that’s why Cupid shoots with arrows…..

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7 Responses to The Most Important Thing To Throw Away Before you Find Love

  1. jonathan March 7, 2014 at 2:19 am #

    Ego does it every time. Great line about the great man behind the ego!

    • Kris Wolfe March 7, 2014 at 2:30 am #

      Thanks Jonathan! If the ego would just stay away, I could see him more often.

  2. Wes Moldogo March 7, 2014 at 2:51 am #

    Good stuff dude!!

  3. Joe Gordon March 7, 2014 at 4:47 am #

    Great insights! Extremely thought provoking article. Being married with two children, I’m learning that Swagology in its most simplest form is about Love. Love in puting others needs ahead of my own and giving of ones self. Not easy. I’ve learned that ego or the facade of swag is really a manifestation of pride; the most serious of the seven deadly sins. Impatience, something I struggle with, is really masked as pride. It’s interesting to me that the inverse virtue of pride is humility. A mentor of mine once said that pride is ok as long as it’s not about yourself. I’ve heard ego or pride in my own life expressed in phrases from friends such as , “I just wasn’t getting anything out of the Catholic Church”. To that I ask, “What are you giving? Catholism is genius when you seek the truth.”

  4. Kris Wolfe March 7, 2014 at 9:13 am #

    Right on Joe! I see this over and over again in LA. People go back and forth between churches, leave churches, etc. It really was the basis of the article because I was thinking how the church and marriages are reflections of God. And I hear ya on the impatience thing too. It’s something we both deal with on a daily basis.

  5. Jarid March 8, 2014 at 12:49 am #

    6 comments! Now that’s what I’m talking about! Bravo Kris (that’s my word)

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