The Girlfriend List: 10 Attributes

After over 3 million views on The Wife List, has received emails from high school and college guys wondering about a girlfriend list.

The Girlfriend List

What kind of qualities are important in a girlfriend? If you’re spending lots of time becoming the best guy you can be, why not have some standards for the girl you will date? Here is a list of 10 attributes to look for:

1. She’s patient

Do you feel like she’s dating you because of the guy you could become?  You deserve a girl who likes you for who you are right at this moment; you can’t date “potential.” If she’s pressuring you to do anything or be someone you’re not comfortable with, just remember true love is patient, and is willing to wait. The best kind of relationship isn’t a performance.

2. She’s sweet

Your classmates, your fraternity brothers, your teammates should love her. Why? Because she’s nice to everyone, including you. How does she treat her parents? How does she treat those who aren’t in the popular crowd and can do nothing for her? Pay close attention. That’s how you could be treated one day.

3. She has gratitude

Does she thank you for the little things you do for her, or does she complain about what you don’t do? When you get an “A” on a test, does she cheer for you, or is she bitter she got a lower score? Love does not envy or hold resentment. You want a girl who celebrates others, including yourself.

4. She’s humble

Your girl should have inner confidence. She won’t need to brag or boast. If you want to be loved right, don’t pick someone who is self-centered. Want to know if she passes this test? Just take a look at her social media. Is it all about her? What percentage of her pictures are selfies?

5. She speaks well of everyone

If she backstabs her close friends, why wouldn’t she do the same to you? You want a girl who is forgiving, looks for the best in everyone, and calls out the best in everyone. If you want a good girl to take home to momma, find one who honors others.

6. She’s not a honeybadger

Is she a people user, and willing to step on others to get what she wants? Does she help others or is she only concerned about herself? Is she involved in school? Is she a team player? Does she have many girlfriends? A girl who is self-seeking will throw you under the bus to get what she wants, so just don’t go there. It’ll save you from heartache in the future.

7. She’s chill

She doesn’t easily get mad, or jump to conclusions. In fact, she’ll give you the benefit of the doubt unless you’ve done something to deserve it. Someone who is easily angered is more intent on destroying than building, and a good relationship always builds. Sure, a short-tempered person can apologize, but words are powerful. Love buffers anger.

8. She lets go of the past

She doesn’t hold a historical ledger against you. If she maintains a mental log of every wrong you’ve committed, you’ll be walking on egg shells throughout your relationship. On the other hand, if you continually make the same mistakes over and over, you want a girl who is going to call you out.

9. She’s trusting

Is she going through your texts and Facebook? If you’ve cheated on her, that’s a good reason. However, if you’ve always been faithful, there’s no reason she should ever check your email in suspicion. Love is trusting.

10. She goes the distance

Settle down guys, not talking about sex here; this is about character. When circumstances get tough, does she disappear or run away? You want a girl who’s going to stick by you through the thick and thin. She will persevere with you through the good times and the bad, and is going to challenge you to be the best version of yourself.

Love is more than the Merriam-Webster definition: “a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.” Love is a verb, right? There has to be action. It’s patient, it’s kind, and it’s more geared to the other person than the “feeling” within yourself. In fact, she should be using these same standards to look at the love you bring to the table as well.

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23 Responses to The Girlfriend List: 10 Attributes

  1. Q February 4, 2014 at 11:25 am #

    You left out Christian. The most important quality of them all.

    • Joannie February 4, 2014 at 6:47 pm #

      Going to church/being christian doesn’t make you a good person. Having a religion at all doesn’t constitute a good person.

      I know a homewrecker who doesn’t miss a day of church…yet breaks how many commandments and ruins how many lives?

      • Cory January 7, 2016 at 12:36 am #

        He said Christian, not church attendee. Huge potential difference.

        • Mike March 1, 2016 at 4:12 am #


      • Mike March 1, 2016 at 4:10 am #

        To clarify, not all church goers are Christians. Not all Christians are church goers. Nobody on the planet Earth is going to be absolutely perfect, but we all try – some simply enjoy more success than others in aspiring to this. Some are just more ‘experienced’ in figuring this out! I agree with you, though, having a religion does not constitute a good person…a religion is a system of beliefs…here, Kris seems to allude to the RELATIONSHIP that can exist as a Christian, and when this RELATIONSHIP is embraced, everyone’s potential of being a fantastic girlfriend or boyfriend goes off the charts. Check it out – don’t let others ruin what you might be missing out on. You never know until you try. And keep trying (because we all fall short).

    • Tls February 4, 2014 at 6:48 pm #

      So in order to be a good girlfriend, we all have to follow christianity? That may be an important attribute to you, but not everyone is religious.

    • I February 27, 2014 at 6:53 pm #


  2. Lauren February 4, 2014 at 4:36 pm #

    Unless you’re not Christian…

  3. Jacob February 4, 2014 at 9:03 pm #

    Joannie, you have a good point. I am a Christian and I know the title, or going to church, does not make you a good person. However, if someone makes the claims to be a Christian, but they don’t live out the a biblical lifestyle, then they’re simply aren’t a Christian. The Bible says you will know them by their fruit (how they live). Whoever you speak of mustn’t be a Christian, and it is sad that people who claim the title give true Christians a bad name.

  4. JohnSmith87 February 5, 2014 at 2:03 pm #

    Being a Christian is not a requisite, but having a good heart is. Not all religious people are good, and many not Christians are really amazing and loving persons. You must seek the goodness in their hearts.

    By the way, even the people who are Christians are not perfect. Who is perfect? A Christian person is not a “perfect” flawless person, but someone who tries to love others, get over their defects and become better every day. Christians are not living “saints” but they are “sick people” wanting to heal metaphorically speaking. They are not perfect but they should aim to become better and more caring, kind and loving with every one.

  5. Sazwald13 February 8, 2014 at 5:13 pm #

    Reality check.
    This girl does not exist. My advice? Stop trying to find this nice, patient, non-judgmental monstrosity because frankly, aside from being non-existent, she sounds insipid.
    Unless you can say you are every one of the above attributes – which I’m fairly sure no one is (or at least no interesting person) – stop holding your possible partners to an impossible standard. Honestly, if anyone paid attention to this the most they can look forward to is a long-life spent home alone with ‘momma’.

    • NickM February 10, 2014 at 6:16 am #

      Impatience, unkindness, thanklessness, arrogance, deprecation, egocentrism, temper, resentment, mistrust and capriciousness are all that interest you in a person? I suppose that makes you pretty lucky to live in society at large, but I think I’ll stick with my head-in-the-clouds aspirations of finding a genuinely decent woman. Thanks for the advice though.

    • Nicole February 12, 2014 at 3:48 am #

      There are girls like this who most certainly do exist. I would be one of them. I am close friends with a lot of others who also have all of these attributes. To say people like this don’t exist is silly, these attributes obviously came from somewhere. I feel men just need to start holding themselves to higher standards, under no circumstance are you actually required to settle for anyone. Love isn’t about settling. If you don’t need all of these attributes from someone, then good for you, I hope you’ve built up a great tolerance for peoples’ bullshit. However, I’m in my mid 20s, and also dating someone who has everything on this list and I couldn’t be happier. Not to say there isn’t disagreements because of course there occasionally are, but it’s easier to work through things with a level-headed person than it is to find common sense from someone whose a self-absorbed ass.
      : )

      • Kris Wolfe February 12, 2014 at 7:14 pm #

        Nicole, would you please write an article for us? I can tell you have something every guy needs to hear. It would be an honor to hear from you.

    • franks January 29, 2016 at 10:31 am #

      some quys think in a horrible way…. sorry to say that. “sazwald” your really fast loosing it! We’ve got the gurls who got all these traits and still counting buh they ain’t just where you stretch your hands and grab them! nice ripe mangoes stays far into the trees… want some? go get some! These nice gurls exist dou few buh the nice guys are few as well… it takes almost all that was listed here from nice guy to get a nice gurl. you don’t wake up and get one… set your own standard…commit to making yourself better and surely u will find her in due time. You can’t be an a**hole and hoping you would cross the same path with a nice gurl… #justsaying.

    • Mike March 1, 2016 at 4:40 am #

      Reality check.

      It really doesn’t matter what you think, does it? Or what “advice” you dole out…

      “…for nothing will be impossible with God”. Luke 1:37
      “…the Word of God stands forever” Isaiah 40:8

  6. Kate February 26, 2014 at 11:15 pm #

    This woman (or man, considering it goes both ways) absolutely exists! It weighs heavy on my heart to hear a man buy into the belief that its not obtainable, or worse if she does exist She’s BORING. If a quality woman is boring, you’re left with an all-hi-and-low, backbiting self centered mate who’s too preoccupied to see past their own nose. Not someone I’d ever want to spend time with, marry, or think about having a family with! But good luck with the drama queen of your dreams.

  7. Nicole B. March 5, 2014 at 11:19 pm #

    This post is exactly what guys, in this generation, need to hear! I have plenty of guy friends who say they want a nice girl who is ambitious and have many of the qualities on this list but yet they go for the girl that’s the exact opposite. I don’t understand!
    I’d like to think of myself as a nice girl. I was raised in church (not saying that you are not if you were raised differently) and I know what I want out of a relationship.
    This is not a pity party but I just wish I knew the answer.

  8. Theresa April 24, 2014 at 10:22 pm #

    This is a great article. I want nice guys to know that many girls (like myself) DO seek nice guys who have your values. This whole website gives me hope that there are caring, compassionate guys out there. As a girl in high school, it sometimes seems like there isn’t much hope and I feel a little depressed knowing that no guy my age will pay attention to the quiet girl who’s probably the nicest person in the room, preferring girls who are the easiest to get and usually are outgoing and bubbly.

    I’m using this list as a means of self-improvement so that I can make myself the best person that I can be. I figure that the best way to find someone who would be a good boyfriend/future husband is to make sure that I would be a great girlfriend/future wife.

  9. Kalah February 18, 2016 at 11:22 am #

    Theresa, someone intelligent will notice that girl just be patient, good thing happen to people who are patient.


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