Love is a Verb…and a Noun


The Difference Between Being In Love With Her and Loving Her

On today’s Relationships Radio podcast, we discuss the difference between being in love with someone and loving someone.

Being in love with a girl can take on different meanings depending on where you are in a relationship. Being in love can be a good indicator in the dating phase, but it can be deceptive when a guy is no longer feeling it in a marriage.

I’ve heard guys say they aren’t in love with a girl in the dating phase. I’ve been there before. It’s confusing. On one hand, she has everything you’ve always looked for in a woman. On the other hand, something just isn’t clicking.

I was in a relationship that reached the two-year mark. We had discussed marriage, but we were in constant fights. We decided to do pre-marital counseling. This is a red flag. Pre-marital counseling is good when you’re being pro-active, but if you’re doing pre-marital counseling reactively, you may want to reconsider the relationship.

Being in love is the chemistry, the butterflies, the puppy love, the teenage dream that even the toughest guy wants in a relationship. Many relationships depend on this honeymoon phase, but what happens when reality sets in? This is where loving her has to take over. It’s the unconditional part of love. It’s the part of love that’s willing to say sorry, that’s willing to hash things out regardless if no chemistry is present.

A recent study showed U.S. couples in arranged marriages were just as happy as love-based marriages. Another study in Jaipur, India found “people in love marriages were more in love for the first five years, while those in arranged marriages were more in love for the next 30 years.”


Kristen and I came to the conclusion it’s about intention. If you’re entering a love-based marriage, you may look at your future wife as your completion. When a love-based couple realizes the other cannot complete them, they feel betrayed, and the relationship falls from cloud nine.

No one can complete you. Healthy relationships are made of two whole people.

Being in love with her is the noun, but loving her is the verb. It takes both for a relationship to be healthy.

Before meeting Kristen, I spent several years working on myself. When we met, we had crazy chemistry. I was definitely in love with her. We both desired to be proactive in our relationship, so we went to relationship bootcamps, conferences, meeting with mentors, and pre-marital counseling. We wanted to ensure we would be strong in loving each other.

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2 Responses to Love is a Verb…and a Noun

  1. Jacqueline Paquet June 5, 2014 at 10:45 am #

    I’m not seeing the new podcast listed 🙁

    • Kris Wolfe June 7, 2014 at 1:19 am #

      Me neither Jacqueline. We’re trying to figure out what’s going on. You can still play it through the article though.

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