Do You Truly See Her? Practical Tips for Seeing Past Beauty

Do You Truly See Her?

You have preferred virtue before either wit or beauty, and deserve to find a person in whom all these qualifications are united.” Jeanne-Marie LePrince de Beaumont, Beauty and the Beast

When it comes to finding a girl, most guys think short-term. Rarely do we consider what might be in twenty years. Appearance is the only thing that matters in the moment (especially on a weekend night). Men sometimes do get the beauty they’ve always wanted. But, find themselves miserable later on because they never considered inner beauty.

Almost every girl wants to feel beautiful and be told she’s beautiful. But, noticing her aesthetics and complimenting them only scratches the surface of her need to feel beautiful.

In Hollywood, image is everything. Actress Renee Zellweger recently wrote, “It’s no secret a woman’s worth has historically been measured by her appearance.” If you want to truly love a girl, though, you have to consider her beyond appearance.

The English word beautiful seems only to be synonymous with image or attractiveness. But, the Hebrew word for beauty, towb, encompasses more: “pleasant, agreeable, good.” Perhaps you’ve heard the phrase “Mazel tov” or “good luck.” Tov means “beautiful,” and can also mean “good” or “working the way it was created to.” True beauty has depth.

The purpose of this article is not to downplay attraction (I couldn’t be an expert on that). Desiring the woman you will marry has its place. But, I’ve watched and spoken to many men who are mesmerized by a girl’s appearance to the point they can’t have a decent conversation. In some sense, this isn’t much different from men who objectify women for their sexual satisfaction. Either way, you can’t see the girl beyond the image.

James Thurber, author of The Secret Life of Walter Mitty, wrote,

…to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel. That is the purpose of life.

to see behind walls, draw closer, to find each other, and to feel.

If you truly want to win her over, look beyond the obvious. See past beauty, look through appearance, and perceive her value beyond the physical.

Focus on who people are, not how they look.

Do you truly see her? Here are some practical tips for seeing past beauty. Do you know the answers to these questions?

What Are Her Dreams?

What does she want to pursue in life? What kind of career does she desire? Where does she want to go? Does she want to have a family someday?

Remember, another definition of tov is “working the way it was created to.” Is she living out her life’s purpose? What is it? The answers to these questions will give you a more encapsulating idea of her true beauty.

What Are Her Passions?

What kind of hobbies does she enjoy? What causes does she champion? What stories stir her most? Is she involved in any kind of charitable work? These might make up the “deeper, longer lasting, multi-dimensional beauty that reveals the holistic truth about a person” that Rose discusses in Magic Eye.

What Obstacles Has She Overcome?

When we objectify someone, we can’t see their humanity. But, everyone has come through a struggle or is currently struggling. These tests build us into stronger humans and create beauty within. When Kristen revealed stories about being overlooked in the past, I fell more in love with her.

Do you know what she’s come through?

These are variations of questions I propose in my ebook, 1o Ways to Win a Girl’s Heart. Asking these questions will help you see her deep beauty. As some of my friends say, “Calling out the gold.”

Interestingly, it was Beauty, or Belle, in Beauty in the Beast, who was able to look past what was on the outside to see the goodness within. The Beast became a handsome prince. True beauty calls out the beauty in others.

I prefer you, just as you are, to those, who, under a human form, hide a treacherous, corrupt, and ungrateful heart.”

See past beauty

Go to Part 2: Seeing Women as More Than Objects 

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4 Responses to Do You Truly See Her? Practical Tips for Seeing Past Beauty

  1. Sadie Clements August 11, 2016 at 1:30 am #

    It is incredible to me to see you encouraging men to go above and beyond the low expectations this culture has for men and boys. I myself have experienced, and seen many others experience, so much heartbreak, not always intentional, at the hands of “nice boys” who we’ve mistaken as “good men”. This culture needs influence like yours. Thank you so much for your respect for women(and, dare I say it…girls?) and for encouraging other young men to have the same. Keep up the good work, sir! It is making a difference!

    • Kris Wolfe August 12, 2016 at 8:52 pm #

      Sadie: Great to hear from you and thank you for commenting! It appears a movement is underway, and I have a lot of hope for this next generation.


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