Complimenting and Keeping Her
Research shows the obvious: manipulation techniques do not work in long-term relationships. So why would you use them in the dating phase of the relationship; the time period when you’re potentially building a foundation for the future relationship?
In our last article, we discussed how flattery and negging are manipulation techniques used by the super nice guy and the pick-up artist in approaching her. These are counterfeit compliments meant to attract her.
Given, long-term success with these approaches is probably minimal, what happens when a date progresses into dating, and dating into a long-term relationship?
Once in a relationship, it’s been shown men use two methods to keep a woman from leaving him: benefit-provisioning and cost-inflicting mate retention. To sum them up:
Benefit-provisioning mate retention is when a guy….is a gentleman.
- he gives her gifts
- he spends quality time with her
- he boosts her self-esteem
- he displays affection
- he brags about her
- he compliments her
Cost-inflicting mate retention are aggressive behaviors such as…
- getting her pregnant so she can’t leave
- threatening her and any guy who makes “a pass at her”
- punching any guy who gets near her
- trying to lower her self-esteem.
Being a gentleman is time and resource-consuming, but the chance of her leaving you is minimal. Being a jerk, on the other hand, is easy and costs no money, but you run a high risk of her leaving you.
Proof women want a complimentary gentleman
According to a study from Buss (1985), “complimenting her on her appearance” is the most frequently reported act. It might be because the previous study shows women are more likely to be faithful to the guy who makes her feel good about herself.
Other surveys and studies indicate women want men who are “kind-considerate.” These men typically have more “extroversion” and “warmth,” (characteristics that help in the success department as well…also important to her).
Some guys might say women don’t know what they want, and they would never indicate what they really want on a survey. They believe women are attracted to men who are aloof, arrogant, and testosterone-driven. Just keep in mind that overall, sexual selection or “female choice” according to Darwin, favors men who are kind and understanding (which means these are the “fittest” characteristics).
Complimentary gentleman are highly favored by women. Additionally, women are less likely to leave or cheat on the gentleman, and why would they? The gentleman is the total package.
Bottom line is, if you’re going to clubs and looking for hot women with issues for a potential hookup, and have no interest in settling or marrying, then continue the manipulation techniques you’ve been using. She might enjoy your company for one night, and no skin off your back when she leaves you because you’ve remained emotionally aloof.
However, if the hookup scene has drained the life out of you and you don’t want to end up like that old creepy guy hitting on young girls at the club, then reconsider your habits. What kind of women are you attracted to? Have you written a Wife List? Maybe it’s time to consider the beauty of a woman on the inside as well as on the outside. It turns out men are more likely to consider physical attraction, but ‘kind-considerate” are also characteristics we value in her.