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Long Distance Relationship Tips: Keeping Her Heart From Afar

long distance relationship tips

The dynamics in long distance relationships have dramatically changed over the years. Instead of writing long love letters which could take weeks and months to receive, instant options now like emailing, texting, and Skype are readily available. I recently got an email from a reader named Brandon about military long distance relationships. Here’s what he wrote:

I’m going to be going into the military soon and my best friend and I decided to date. I’ve never been in a long distance relationship, so naturally, I’m a little nervous. Do you have any tips or recommendations on things that we can do to keep our relationship alive?

Who better to ask than my deployed friends in the military? One of them, Brandon, has a remarkable story. He married his wife the day before he left. And then, when his wife became pregnant, he got deployed again. He told me unfortunately most overseas military relationships do not work out. Communication is tough because of time issues, whether it be time zones or access. The truth is, long distance relationships are tough for soldiers and…everyone else too.

I recently sat down with Måns, who met his wife when he visited Los Angeles from Sweden. Before they married, though, they had a long distance relationship for two years. How did he make it work?

Here are some long distance relationship tips to keep her heart:

1. Both parties have to work at it
If it’s a one-way street relationship, it’s not gonna last very long. It’s tough work, so you both have to be in it for the long haul.

2. Trust
Everyone said trust is the most important piece of the puzzle.  A soldier becomes ineffective if he doesn’t trust his girlfriend. Give her the benefit of the doubt. A lot of risk happens in long distance dating. Accept you might get hurt. Måns said, “The worst thing that can happen is it won’t work out.” If it doesn’t work out, it wasn’t meant to be. Have some patience for each other.

3. Good communication
Don’t play games if you’re in a long distance relationship. If you want to talk, email, or text; don’t hesitate. Do it. If convenience is a factor, then schedule time to make it work. Stick to texting or calling because your communication is too valuable to occur over Facebook or Twitter.  Besides, other people’s comments can be misinterpreted. Also, have realistic expectations for each other. Talking ten times a day is probably not going to work out depending on your assignment or your schedule.

4. Have a support system
Whether it be close friends or family, someone or a group should be available to fall back on in times of need. Get support  for the relationship, but it shouldn’t be an ex or someone of the opposite sex. When Brandon was deployed, his wife spent time with his family.

5. Keep hope alive
Always have something to look forward to. Book tickets in advance or schedule Skype dates. If you’re deployed, keep a countdown to your return. Tiny steps to a distant goal will at least feel like some progress.

Soldier & WIfe

Be a leader. Måns told me, “I needed to find out if she was the one.” His long distance relationship succeeded because he pursued her. With technology, love has become easier and more difficult. Because we live in an immediate gratification culture, the romance of waiting at the post box for the love letter has been replaced by the ringing sound of an instant email or text. The lyrics to “You Can’t Hurry Love” by the Supremes (1966) might just have something to say about long distance relationships today:

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
She said love don’t come easy
It’s a game of give and take

You cant hurry love
No, you just have to wait
You got to trust, give it time
No matter how long it takes

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5 Responses to Long Distance Relationship Tips: Keeping Her Heart From Afar

  1. Katie November 15, 2013 at 3:03 am #

    Hi Kris,

    I stumbled on your website and it really is great! I know it is intended for men but it gives me hope that there are smart and good men out there. Would love to see a post addressing how to ask a women out-how to take action versus multiple emails etc…it seems men as of late really don’t know how to do this anymore. Or they say they want a relationship but yet act very cavalier when it comes to taking this first step.

  2. Samantha November 15, 2013 at 6:30 pm #

    Hi Kris.. such a great website! I am in a long distance relationship and one thing I read and really take heart to is that if you are getting tired of the long distance, or it’s really taking a toll on your relationship then you are in the wrong relationship. If you are with the right person then you will find a way to make it work. Some other great tips are on this article which I really got a lot from. http://thoughtcatalog.com/brittany-pancoast/2013/10/7-reasons-why-your-long-distance-relationship-is-not-doomed/

    Thanks for sharing and I agree with the above comment– there are really great guys out there! I found one and I’m so thankful for him. We’ve been sharing your articles back and forth 🙂

  3. Chris January 4, 2014 at 4:19 am #

    Good article and good points. I’ve been in 3 long term long distance relationships. My current is 2.5 years and I plan on marrying this girl. Communication and trust are the keys. The first 2, I always had trust doubts but with my current gf, I have 100% trust and it makes everything 100% easier. Again communication is the key. She struggles telling me her problems because she doesn’t want to risk an argument from so far away and she lets it linger. So i have to force her to talk about her issues which can be uncomfortable but works wonders in the big scheme.

    Also this might be cheesy, but i bought her this and we both where one and her friends say it’s the best gift they’ve ever seen a bf buy a gf. I also bought one for my mom because she lives in a different city than me.

    http://www.lovingfromadistance.com/ldrbracelets.html

    -Chris

    • Kris Wolfe January 4, 2014 at 7:06 pm #

      Great stuff Chris. 3 long term relationships and this one has been 2.5 years? Expert status. Maybe you should write a continuation! Congratulations.

  4. Nkanyiso July 22, 2018 at 6:39 pm #

    mine she’s a soldier, I’m also a soldier. We used to fight almost everyday. now she doesn’t give me her attention and she’s always on a phone call when I try to call her. Okay when I ask who’s the person that calls her for 40minutes. She becomes a little bit irritated. What must I do?

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