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Is Porn Hurting Your Relationships?

Porn hurting relationships

“What makes pornography so addictive,” writes author John Eldredge, “is that it makes us feel like men without requiring a thing of us.”

Pornography is a struggle many of us are battling, especially if we have a significant other being hurt by it. Here are five reasons porn is hurting relationships with real women.

1. There is no risk

Porn gives us the feeling of being manly and in control, but requires no risk. With a real woman, it takes a TON of courage to simply walk up and ask her to dinner. Not so with pornography. All you need is a finger to click with, and you have countless women at your command.

This makes good men weak.

It makes us afraid to approach real women–women who deserve good men who are willing to take risks.

2. It devalues the women we love

Real women have souls. They have vibrant spirits and great senses of humor. My friend Ashley loves to go camping, and Leah loves to snowmobile. They are adventurous and hilarious. I have inside jokes with Rachael, and always eat french fries with ranch dressing with Laura.

How many of these things do I share with the women in pornography? None. What porn does is reduce good women to nothing more than body parts and objects for our pleasure. I would much rather spend time with a real woman than waste time alone with my computer.

On top of that, I’m sure the women on the screen have feelings, friends and souls too. But in the medium of pornography, we see none of that; we only see pieces and parts of the real woman.

Pope John Paul II said,

There is no dignity when the human dimension is eliminated from the person. In short, the problem with pornography is not that it shows too much of the person, but that it shows far too little.

3. It numbs our emotions

Can we lay aside for a moment the lie that real men are stoic and emotionless? I have desires to love and be loved. I cry when my friends are hurting, or when someone has hurt me. I laugh when I’m enjoying life with good friends. Real men have healthy emotional lives.

What porn does is display people who supposedly have heightened sex drives and are incredibly beautiful, and make you feel wanted. Want someone to love you and do exactly what you want all the time? There is a video for that. Porn is such an exaggeration of reality that when we re-enter the real world, it is not as exciting. It will always fall short.

Not only that, but it offers an escape from the hardships and pain in our lives. If you are single, pornography offers an insta-relationship, rather than having to face the reality of loneliness.

Women don’t want men who are numb; they want a man who can weep with her in hardships, and full-heartedly laugh with her at parties. More than that, an emotionally healthy man will be able to give her the love she deserves.

4. Porn robs us of our passion

Okay, this one does not have as much to do with dating, but with who we are as men. Think of the great men you admire. Do you admire them because they sat in front of a computer screen most of their lives? Or do you admire them because they summited mountains, sailed seas, and influenced nations?

Men desire adventure. We have a built-in capacity to live an epic life of creativity and discovery. For some of us, it may look like writing beautiful songs, while others prefer to start each day surfing the Pacific. Whatever your passion is, don’t let porn rob you of it.

Porn releases the same chemicals of excitement and satisfaction in our brains as if we were to go bungee jumping, or map out uncharted territory. It is a substitute for real adventure. Michael Cusick said,

The reason pornography is so appealing is that it’s a counterfeit of what we’re really created for. It’s sexual engagement without vulnerability, without risk, without the need for strength or courage. Porn is a counterfeit of something good and intimate.

Think of what a real woman would prefer: does she want a man who settles for substitute adventures, or would she prefer a man who can take her on the adventure of her life, filled with awe, risk and beauty?

5. It won’t grow old with you

If you are married now, or hoping to be some day, your spouse will grow old with you. You will both begin to sag in unfortunate areas, and lose the beauty of your youth. As your physical beauty may wane, the love you have for one another will hopefully grow into a full blossom.

Porn does not age or get uglier, nor does it grow old with you and develop a deeper love for you. If we keep returning to pornography looking for intimacy and true love, we will continue to be disappointed. It offers only lies about what true love and sexuality is like.

It will never love you back.

Fight the New Drug has some great lines about the reality of pornography:

Pixels will never love you back. Porn is to sex what bathroom graffiti is to art. Sex is personal, not digital.

So maybe it’s time to close the laptop and take a risk. Get out and experience real life. Go on an adventure. Gather up your courage and approach that cute girl in the coffee shop. Ask the beauty in your English class to dinner. Interact with real women and reject the lies offered by pornography.

One Response to Is Porn Hurting Your Relationships?

  1. King Muindi March 17, 2016 at 6:25 pm #

    BOOM! well put

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