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How To Compliment Your Girl: 5 Traits Of A Good Compliment

 

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I had the privilege of talking with The Art of Charm. One of the questions the host, Jordan, asked me revolved around the idea of “blessing” or “affirming” my wife every morning. What does that even mean you might be wondering? To give you a backstory, before Kristen and I got married, we decided to go through Relationship Bootcamp. One of the exercises I learned from that weekend is to bless or compliment your significant other by saying things like, “I appreciate your patience,” “I love your character qualities,” “I enjoy every moment with you,” etc. every morning. Only, it didn’t go over so well with one couple. The wife didn’t respond accordingly because she felt the compliments were superficial. She didn’t believe him because she didn’t feel they were genuine or real.

It turns out (as if we really needed a study to prove it), “…women tend to be more aware of compliments than are men.”

As guys, we’re taught to be tough, to not show any vulnerability or emotion, and to definitely not invest ourselves in a compliment. Every guy, including me, could probably use some work in the complimenting department. You can affirm your girl all you want, tell her she’s amazing, but if it doesn’t ring true for her and if she doesn’t believe you, you’re just speaking empty words.

Every guy should be complimenting, but do it right….and here’s how you can make sure your compliments will work.

How To Compliment Your Girl: 5 Traits Of A Good Compliment

Your compliments should….

1. Be specific

Pay attention to the small things. If you’re going to compliment her on how amazing she looks, then be specific. “The dress looks nice on you” is a tad cliche, but you can say things like, “I love how beautiful you look in white.” If you really want to go overboard, notice and comment on her necklace, her earrings, her shoes, etc.

2.  Be relevant

If you’re going to compliment her in general, then make sure it’s relevant to something she did. “I admire your determination” is too diluted. A better version would be. “I admire your determination. After working all day, you still got the gym, and made it to your meeting.”

3. Be genuine

If your compliment has an ulterior motive, and she notices it, your compliment failed. You actions and demeanor should be aligned to your statement. If you tell her, “I really like this meal you made” with a sick expression on your face, she’ll notice. Women have really good intuition, and they can smell out fake compliments like a pointer dog finding quail.

4. Be timely

Don’t go complimenting her when you’re in the doghouse. It doesn’t help the situation out. Trust me. Never underestimate the power of a random compliment throughout the day. Spontaneity and consistency work.  If you know she’s having a tough day, send some encouragement her way. If she spent an hour getting ready, a compliment about her appearance will do you good.

5. Be thoughtful

It should take time and effort. It’s not easy. Brainstorm if you need to. Take a pen out and write down all the qualities you love in your girl and jot down certain memories that go along with them. Be creative, and let your emotions run loose for a second.

Complimenting isn’t just great in improving your relationship with her, it’s also great in improving you. It’s a form of cognitive training and improves positivity. The law of attraction says whatever you put out there will come back to you, so get good at complimenting. You’ll feel good too.

You might not be a pro at first, but keep trying. It gets better. Start practicing now. If you’re still single, it will come in handy when you meet her. When you get married, you’ll be thankful you acquired this skill.

Retrain yourself. A guy doesn’t have to be cold, unavailable, and unemotional to be a man. Engage your inner Romeo. You’ll be thankful.

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10 Responses to How To Compliment Your Girl: 5 Traits Of A Good Compliment

  1. 1 + The One December 9, 2013 at 12:03 pm #

    Great list as usual.. I think consistent and sincere affirmation will surely build up your marriage and your spouse I will have a look at the Relationship bootcamp

    • Kris Wolfe December 9, 2013 at 4:01 pm #

      Thank you for all of your comments, and yes, you’re welcome to repost as long as you link back to the site. I’m going to add consistency under “timely” too! Definitely check our Relationship Bootcamp too. I’m trying to get several friends in right now.

  2. Mike Chambers December 10, 2013 at 10:04 pm #

    Very informative article. I retweeted it.

    I wish, just once, that an article like this had an average looking girl at the top of the page, and not a model. If you’re trying to appeal to the ‘good guy’, why not approach him from a realistic point of view? Is there some concern I won’t read the article if I’m not turned on in some way? Perhaps.

    • Kris Wolfe December 11, 2013 at 2:18 am #

      Very good point Mike, and thank you for the retweet. It’s funny you just mentioned that because one of my good friends was just telling me how a good guy would never want her because she didn’t feel pretty enough. She’s a lawyer, has her life together, and is pretty, so I asked her to write the first article from a woman on our site. Thanks for keeping it real.

  3. richie o December 16, 2013 at 1:22 pm #

    Kris,
    I disagree with Mike’s comment. I did not even notice the picture until reading the comments. I know I am a nice guy and I also know my wife of 12 years is gorgeous. To me, Mike is saying good guys would never find a gorgeous wife, which isn’t true. I appreciate your views and your content and I apologize for paying more attention to your content then your photos :^) (just teasing mike)

  4. Chelsey Mick February 8, 2014 at 2:38 pm #

    This is one of the better articles I’ve seen on this topic. I appreciate the time you took do make this non-threatening or aggressive. Way to go.

  5. Chelsey Mick February 8, 2014 at 2:39 pm #

    to*

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