I had the privilege of talking with The Art of Charm. One of the questions the host, Jordan, asked me revolved around the idea of “blessing” or “affirming” my wife every morning. What does that even mean you might be wondering? To give you a backstory, before Kristen and I got married, we decided to go through Relationship Bootcamp. One of the exercises I learned from that weekend is to bless or compliment your significant other by saying things like, “I appreciate your patience,” “I love your character qualities,” “I enjoy every moment with you,” etc. every morning. Only, it didn’t go over so well with one couple. The wife didn’t respond accordingly because she felt the compliments were superficial. She didn’t believe him because she didn’t feel they were genuine or real.
It turns out (as if we really needed a study to prove it), “…women tend to be more aware of compliments than are men.”
As guys, we’re taught to be tough, to not show any vulnerability or emotion, and to definitely not invest ourselves in a compliment. Every guy, including me, could probably use some work in the complimenting department. You can affirm your girl all you want, tell her she’s amazing, but if it doesn’t ring true for her and if she doesn’t believe you, you’re just speaking empty words.
Every guy should be complimenting, but do it right….and here’s how you can make sure your compliments will work.
How To Compliment Your Girl: 5 Traits Of A Good Compliment
Your compliments should….
1. Be specific
Pay attention to the small things. If you’re going to compliment her on how amazing she looks, then be specific. “The dress looks nice on you” is a tad cliche, but you can say things like, “I love how beautiful you look in white.” If you really want to go overboard, notice and comment on her necklace, her earrings, her shoes, etc.
2. Be relevant
If you’re going to compliment her in general, then make sure it’s relevant to something she did. “I admire your determination” is too diluted. A better version would be. “I admire your determination. After working all day, you still got the gym, and made it to your meeting.”
3. Be genuine
If your compliment has an ulterior motive, and she notices it, your compliment failed. You actions and demeanor should be aligned to your statement. If you tell her, “I really like this meal you made” with a sick expression on your face, she’ll notice. Women have really good intuition, and they can smell out fake compliments like a pointer dog finding quail.
4. Be timely
Don’t go complimenting her when you’re in the doghouse. It doesn’t help the situation out. Trust me. Never underestimate the power of a random compliment throughout the day. Spontaneity and consistency work. If you know she’s having a tough day, send some encouragement her way. If she spent an hour getting ready, a compliment about her appearance will do you good.
5. Be thoughtful
It should take time and effort. It’s not easy. Brainstorm if you need to. Take a pen out and write down all the qualities you love in your girl and jot down certain memories that go along with them. Be creative, and let your emotions run loose for a second.
Complimenting isn’t just great in improving your relationship with her, it’s also great in improving you. It’s a form of cognitive training and improves positivity. The law of attraction says whatever you put out there will come back to you, so get good at complimenting. You’ll feel good too.
You might not be a pro at first, but keep trying. It gets better. Start practicing now. If you’re still single, it will come in handy when you meet her. When you get married, you’ll be thankful you acquired this skill.
Retrain yourself. A guy doesn’t have to be cold, unavailable, and unemotional to be a man. Engage your inner Romeo. You’ll be thankful.