Confidence is attractive.
We’ve all seen videos from the animal kingdom depicting an alpha male trying to win a female through an outward sign of confidence right? Unfortunately, in human social settings vigorously beating your chest, thrashing around with violent dance moves, or even flexing shirtless probably won’t win you the girl of your dreams. It doesn’t matter if you’re skinny or ripped, wealthy or poor, your own boss or a personal assistant, no matter how successful you are in the eyes of others, a lack of confidence is a reality for many guys.
Confidence is an outward reflection of an internal reality. Ever heard the saying “fake it till you make it”? Faking confidence might work to pick up a girl for a night, but when it comes to finding (and keeping) the woman of your dreams, women worth keeping have a unique ability to sniff out falsehood.
Confidence is important to women because it demonstrates a man’s inner strength. Manly confidence emanates a feeling of trust and safety which for women is extremely important.
Good guys don’t fake confidence – they grow in it. To have true confidence in yourself means to trust yourself completely. Confidence empowers men to be bold, strong, and courageous.
Here are five practical steps every man can take to grow into a truly confident man.
Find Your Identity
Finding your identity is one of the biggest keys to becoming a confident man. If you don’t really know who you are, how can you trust yourself? It’s impossible to rely confidently on something that is ambiguous or undefined. If you don’t know who you are it’s only logical you won’t have confidence in yourself.
Identity formation may seem like a lofty philosophical journey of self discovery, but in reality it’s simply coming to terms with who you really are. A lot of guys try to live a lifestyle that isn’t true to who they are! Not being true to yourself is a frustrating and unfulfilling way to live life. Nobody is perfect. Finding your identity isn’t about perfection, it’s about learning to be honest in your own self-perception. As a man, it’s important to know who you are. Once true identity is formed in a man, confidence simply becomes a matter of trusting what you already know to be true.
Consider taking a season of life to focus on identity. What makes you, you? Identity is often formed by previous life experiences. Negative life experiences can be traumatic, causing pain that needs healing. Counseling, spiritual growth classes, self-evaluation programs, and personality tests are all useful tools to explore and form true identity.
Surround Yourself With People Who Believe In You
Spending time with people who believe in you is key to growing in confidence! Even when you have a solid identity and are rooted in truth, the encouragement of others who believe in you is important. Even if you trust yourself, every guy has moments where an extra word of encouragement is necessary to ask a girl out, apply for a new job, or make a risky investment.
Think about thousands of cheering fans at a sporting event. Can you imagine what an extra boost of confidence athletes receive during home games?
Walking in true confidence and believing in yourself isn’t easy. Every guy will make mistakes and fail at some point. In the moments when you can’t believe in yourself, surround yourself with people who do! Start the process of finding and keeping those friends now. That way, in your moment of crisis, you’re not scrambling to find solid friends who believe in you to give you the confidence boost needed to breakthrough a tough situation.
Having friends that believe in you is helpful. Having a mentor that believes in who you are becoming is empowering.
Receiving input, wisdom, and instruction from a trusted mentor naturally builds confidence in men. When you trust the voices speaking into your life you’ll have more confidence to actually walk out that advice. A good mentor sees the areas of life where you’re already confident and will encourage you in them, while still challenging you in the areas you need to grow in.
Spending time with mentors is life-transforming. Consider finding someone you trust, and look up too, and asking them to mentor you. Mentors see the best in you and call it out. If you are a person of faith, spiritual mentors can help you grow in confidence by helping you in your walk of faith.
Don’t Let Failure Pull You Down
If you’re constantly beating yourself up for every mistake and shortcoming, it’s difficult to grow in confidence as a man. Just because you fail once, don’t throw your confidence away!
Facing areas of past failure and conquering them brings life to men. Part of growing in confidence is overcoming obstacles. Failure is tough, but you’ll gain a greater trust in yourself by not giving up. Beating yourself up in the face of failure will only damage your confidence and make it harder to succeed the next go around.
Take the focus off of the failure itself. Ask yourself “how can I grow from this experience.” This is a healthy way to grow in confidence. Don’t view life experiences as a pass fail exam. Failures can be stepping stones that build confidence if you allow them too. If you can learn to grow from your mistakes and face the same challenges head on next time, you will become a confident man.
Stay Patient, You’ll Make It
Growing in true confidence takes time and effort. Sure, looking great and being fit can help improve confidence momentarily. Don’t get me wrong, there is value to dressing well and taking care of your body. However, at the end of the day, growing in genuine manly confidence happens on the inside. True personal confidence goes beyond outward appearances. Growing in confidence comes from proper foundational identity & trusting yourself. Surrounding yourself with people who believe in you, and challenge you to grow, empowers confidence within men.
Good Guy Swag founder Kris Wolfe once had a mentor frankly tell him: “Kris, your a Honda trying to date to a Porsche.” Kris’ mentor was referring to an inner reality of a lack of true manly confidence.
If you’re struggling with how to grow in confidence specifically in the areas of women, dating, or relationships, my final word of advice to you would be this: purchase the 10 Ways To Win A Girls Heart eBook. In his book, Kris briefly, and brilliantly, unpacks 10 easy ways to win the heart of your dream girl. The book is a quick read, with a lot of wisdom for guys at every stage of life. I highly recommend it to anyone desiring to grow in confidence; specifically in regard to relating to women.