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How Gentlemanly Thoughts Differ From Misogynistic Thoughts

A gentleman is not sexist.

From what I’ve found, there are two basic forms of sexism: hostile and benevolence. Hostile sexism is anger, resentment, or control of women. The idea of benevolent sexism was introduced in 1996, and according to Huffington Post refers to “a paternalistic attitude towards women that idealizes them affectionately.” Keep in mind, it’s an attitude, not an action. Gentlemanly thoughts differ from misogynistic thoughts.

This may be confusing to women who are offended when a man opens the door for them. Is he a gentleman or is he sexist? There is a difference. From a study on sexism, “Nonverbal behaviors are not by definition sexist but can be sexist.” Once again, nonverbal behavior is sexist by intent or thought.

There’s a lot of misplaced judgement on gentleman and chivalry. Continue to be gentlemanly my friends. Keep the right mindset. Just to clear the air, let’s look at the intent and thought process of a misogynistic man compared to a gentleman. My mom taught me a good rule of thumb…assume the best in people first, unless they are running at you with a machete.

On opening the door for a lady

Misogynist: “I will open this door for you because you are female, and your limbs are frail, and you haven’t built enough muscle to counteract the resistance of the door.”

Gentleman: “I’m opening the door for you because I’m a respectable man. As it turns out, I open the door for everyone.”

On paying for dinner on the first date

Misogynist: “I’m paying for dinner because I expect something in return…and it starts with the letter ‘s’.”

Gentleman: “I’m paying for dinner because it’s courtesy to pay for dinner anytime I invite a guest to join me. This is also why I’m successful in business.”

On giving her his jacket when it’s cold

Misogynist: “I’ll give her my jacket because she forgot to bring one. Always forgetful. Typical of a woman.”

Gentleman: “She’s cold so I will give her my jacket to wear. It’s the polite thing to do.”

On helping put her luggage in an overhead bin

Misogynist: “She’s a woman and doesn’t understand men like to pick things up and put things down.”

Gentleman: “I will ask her if she would like my help. If she doesn’t want it, I’m not offended.”

On waiting to sit after she sits

Misogynist: “Why would I wait? Woman, bring me my food!”

Gentleman: “As a host, I wait until any guest has been seated before I sit. It’s common etiquette.”

On walking on the outside of the sidewalk (closest to street)

Misogynist: “I walk closest to the street so I can check out other women driving by.”

Gentleman: “I walk closest to the street to protect her from traffic and splashing puddles, and according to feminists, ‘There is nothing sexist about cherishing or protecting another person.’”

With the right attitude behind gentlemanly actions, not one is slightly sexist. It would do well for both men and many feminist extremists to research and understand what attitudes are sexist and what are not before tossing around terminology. Benevolent sexism is an attitude, not an action.

While many male advocate writers blame feminists for the decline in masculinity and chivalry, we have no one to blame but ourselves. If anything, we should be strong in ourselves, and welcome women in leadership roles. Be secure in your identity, and continue doing the right thing despite criticism from others.

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17 Responses to How Gentlemanly Thoughts Differ From Misogynistic Thoughts

  1. Arko Sen January 5, 2015 at 8:16 pm #

    Yeah… Still BS… try again. Men will act like ‘gentlemen’ only when they deem the woman worthy of their goodwill. And that is very steep standard for women to keep up with. If a woman feels entitled to goodwill from men, she is disqualified, if a woman doesn’t reciprocate with the same behaviour, she is disqualified, if a woman ever belittles the male gender, she is disqualified. We all know what Chivalry is all about.. It’s about the ego trip of being useful to women. A man’s self esteem need not be directly linked to how females think of him. Men are not disposable. Men do not need female validation. Men who see this covert control and subversion of their behaviour for what it is, have no other option but to take the red pill. I’m what you’d call an unchivalrous cad. Being an unchivalrous cad is simply one of the side-effects of taking the red-pill.

    • Kris Wolfe January 5, 2015 at 9:13 pm #

      Maybe that’s what chivalry has reverted to, but the origins of chivalry imply men solid in identity and confidence who made strong efforts to improve society around them.

      You can take the red pill and disconnect and go to Zion, but society still operates within the confines of a matrix. Why not bend the rules like Neo instead of disengaging from the battle itself?

      • Arko Sen January 5, 2015 at 10:48 pm #

        I’ll give you a reason to disengage from the battle(I approve your calling it a battle, because that is exactly what male-female dynamics is)
        It is a rigged game, and men are not obligated to play. Men are not obligated to toe the feminazi line… We can manscape all we want and grow beards with impunity. Approval from women and the false reward of ‘love’ are inessential to leading fulfilling lives.
        As more and more men realise this, they will know that women and the gynocracy hold no power over him. And when society truly collapses because half of the human population refuses to cooperate with the rest, a masculine elite will prevail and mold the relics of present society into a more equitable matrix… where men and women truly equal

        • lllllllllll January 19, 2015 at 6:01 pm #

          One if the best most enlightened posts I’ve read for a while.

        • Jacob Eagleshield February 16, 2015 at 2:45 am #

          Feminazi? We try to engage in civilized and intelligent discourse,and you quote Rush Limbaugh?

    • dean January 19, 2015 at 2:57 pm #

      Actually, chivalry is essentially the rule book for knights in medieval times. The only time it mentions women is when knights fight to the death for her.

    • Scythian Arrows February 4, 2015 at 4:50 pm #

      Chivalry made sense when women were attractive, slender (with a proper hip:waist ratio), demure, and willing to bear children and keep a home. Now that there’s no incentive for women to be so, as they have been able to vote themselves the largesse of the US economy for decades, men are finally deciding that playing a new game by the old game’s rules isn’t a healthy way to live anymore.

      “Black-knighting” will become more and more common.

    • Diana June 27, 2018 at 9:05 pm #

      If you’re being nice to a person and that person is not being nice back to you what’s wrong with not being nice to that person anymore?

  2. Lorry Abel January 18, 2015 at 9:46 pm #

    I know, not intended for women. but I was interested because I truly admire the code of chivalry and never found it sexist, but rather just plain good rules for anyone to enact, including women. these rules made sense to me as a practical how-to embody the values most of us aspire to, and most women who read them without a serious chip on their shoulder seem to agree. it was a shame to see someone disparaging the whole idea in the comments. But as a feminist, I wanted to say that none of these things are sexist inherently, although each woman has her own idea of what is offensive- and if you are interested in a woman who finds some of them offensive, it is important to listen to her feelings, which you cover so well. unfortunately, with the prevalence of sexual assault and rape, women today feel threatened more than ever before. and those men that have expectations of reward for these kind actions are the ones that harm male/female relations more than any other influence. it is nice to see instructions on how not to place women in a position of having to protect themselves from those that are supposed to be the ones that love her. keep up the good work. while you are at this important work, please teach men how to deal with women who have been hurt and belittled previously, and why that might be necessary. it would help millions of women in the US, and billions worldwide.

    • Fraga123 January 28, 2015 at 5:03 am #

      Go back to school and learn how to write.

    • Jacob Eagleshield February 16, 2015 at 2:48 am #

      Who says,not intended for women? Ms. Abel,you have the right to engage on any site you wish. It is called freedom of speech. In fact I welcome a womans perspective. I have posted opinions on feminist sites,and nobody got offended. Any man who would object to you contributing here,needs to get a life.

  3. Fraga123 January 28, 2015 at 5:02 am #

    Misogynist: I hate living in a van and never seeing my kids while my ex sleeps with bikers in our mansion and the kids go hungry.

    Gentleman: I am pleased to provide for my “wife”, even after my marriage has ended. I am a doormat without any balls, which is a feminist victory in today’s America.

    • Katherine March 11, 2016 at 9:55 am #

      Well that escalated quickly, I think you read a different post…

  4. Jacob Eagleshield February 16, 2015 at 2:52 am #

    You can’t ‘act’ like a gentleman. Either it comes naturally to you or it does not. And you can’t fake it either,just to score points with a woman. Most are too alert,and smart to fall for it.

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