Recently, social media exploded over A&E’s announcement that Phil Robertson from “Duck Dynasty” is on indefinite suspension over comments made in a GQ article. Ultimately, the network lifted the ban and instead ran a marathon of episodes. While Phil wanted to convey a message of love, some took offense to his comments. Just like one person can ruin it for a whole organization, one offhand comment can ruin a social interaction, and dating is no exception. I get in trouble here and there with my wife. An action or word I may have used gets misinterpreted, and it doesn’t matter how many good things I’ve said, I’m in the doghouse.
So, there are some good parallels between what’s happening with Ducky Dynasty and your dating life. Guys are coarse by nature; some being a lot coarser than others. The range looks something like sensitive on one extreme to and reality star on the other. No matter where you might be on the continuum, depending on the girl you want to pursue, the basic message is think before you speak.
What you say matters more than your motives
It takes one unfiltered comment or opinion to override a good message or intention. Just last week, my wife surprised me with a framed picture of our wedding vows. She’d worked on it for months. I really loved it, but then she asked me if I truly liked it and if there was anything I would change about it. I told her maybe it should’ve been another color. Into the doghouse I go….
Does your opinion fit into the overall message you want to convey?
Beware: everyone has a filter
Ever notice how some media and extremist Facebook friends take one quote or even a picture and blow it out of proportion? Be cognizant of the fact people hear what they want to hear. Phil Robertson may have wanted to spread a message of love, but homosexuals already believe Christians hate them, so all they heard is they are the beginning of sin along with other sinful activities like beastiality.
In the same way, one offhand comment can touch on an insecurity in the girl you are courting, and send your date into a spiral.
Here are three filter tips to keep in mind on your next date, your next interview, or any conversation for that matter. Before you speak ask yourself:
1. Does it build up?
Words are powerful. Do they build up or tear down? Some guys will joke around, and make fun of their girlfriends or wives over and over. You might not hear it directly from her, but it gets old. Your words should affirm.
2. Does it encourage?
What would Simon Cowell say? Then don’t say it. Life will beat you up like a boxing match sometimes, and we all need a coach in our corner to send us back out there to give it our all. So, be that coach.
3. Does it comfort?
Have you been around one of those people who leaves you feeling in the dumps afterwards? Words of comfort are consoling, soothing, and calming. Be that guy who causes someone to walk away feeling lifted.
No matter where you stand on the Duck Dynasty debate, theses filter tips can be helpful in any situation, and keep you out of the doghouse.