As much as we all enjoy the feeling of falling in love and tumbling headfirst into a romantic relationship, sometimes it’s just that: a feeling. We reach the end of the honeymoon phase and the flame is gone. Perhaps your life is going in a different direction from hers, your interests don’t align, or the chemistry is simply gone. Nothing wrong with this, but make sure you break up with her like a man.
My friend Nicole recently told me about how her last boyfriend had broken up with her. I did not receive all the details, but apparently he said a slew of hurtful things, including telling Nicole that he was too good-looking for her, and he had been pity-dating her the whole eight-month relationship. Aside from calling bluff on his insecure ego-feeding (because Nicole is stunning), I wanted to sock him in his womanizing nuggets and teach him about the proper way to end a romance.
Lesson one for breaking up with her like a man: Don’t be a scumbag.
Tearing the girl down for the sake of making yourself feel better is not only pointless, but incredibly destructive.
Several months later, Nicole still struggles with valuing herself because of the hurtful words of her ex. Perhaps he thought he was helping her get over him faster. That’s the only excuse I can think of, anyway. Regardless, it did nothing but make her feel incredibly low and create lasting negative effects.
Instead of cutting the ties with hurtful words, build her up. Thank her for the time she has given you and the memories you’ve shared. It’s never an easy conversation to have, but there’s no reason to add insult to injury.
I heard from another female friend recently about how her ex ended things. It was significantly different. She said that, although she was sad that the relationship was over, she walked away from the conversation feeling good about herself because of the way her boyfriend had instilled value into her. He had explained that she would end up finding an awesome guy because she is a terrific girl, and reminded her of many of her good qualities. Because of the uplifting way he broke up with her, she is still able to speak highly of him, despite the heartache.
This is a much better way to be remembered. He made a difficult move with grace, in a way that bolstered his reputation while delivering as little pain as possible.
Another pattern sweeping America today is that of “ghosting.” Ghosting is the act of cutting the ties with a girl without her knowing. Some guys prefer to simply stop responding to texts and calls than sit down and have the hard conversation.
Don’t do this.
Be man enough to have the tough talk. Don’t skirt the situation, but be clear with her.
So if you find yourself in the volatile seat of having to let a good woman go, here are some pointers on how to break up with her like man:
• Thank her for the time she spent with you. She didn’t have to!
• Tell her things you appreciate about her. List off some of her best qualities. Make her feel good about herself in spite of the pain of breaking up. There is no benefit to listing her negative attributes!
• Clearly communicate what you want to happen. It’s not cool to hint at what you want, or leave the conversation with her puzzled as to whether or not you’re still together.
• Once you have made the decision to go your separate ways, don’t keep stringing her along. Make a decision and stick with it. Emotional indecisiveness is not manly, it’s weakness.
No one wants to be in the position of breaking a girls’ heart, but there are better ways to do it than others. Do your best to let her down gently like a man, not rudely like a boy.