Are You Iffing Your Life Up? Do This Before Dating

“I’d be tender, I’d be gentle
And awful sentimental
Regarding love and art….If only I had a heart.”
(From The Wizard of Oz)


Reflect. There’s a myth we believe and it’s called the “Have-Do-Be” myth. It’s the idea if I have something, I will do the things I’m supposed to do, and be the person I’m supposed to be.

If my family could just be rich, I could focus on my grades instead of having to work, and then I’d be a straight-A student.

If I just had more time, then I would make it to the gym to train, and then I could finally be good-looking.

If I could have this girl, then I would take some pride in myself, and then I could really be the big man on campus.

Are you “iffing” your life up? The truth is, your identity can never be attained through anyone you date or anything you own. Your possessions and the person you will date and marry will not define your identity, but will come through your identity. Instead of “Have-Do-Be,” the solution is “Be-Do-Have.” When you know your identity, you will do the things that are fulfilling and you won’t waste time doing anything else, and you will attract and have the kind of person you will want to attract.

Have you heard people say, “I wasn’t even looking when I met the love of my life?”

There’s a reason. Their focus wasn’t on trying to attract someone, but instead the focus was on doing the things they were called to do. When I first met Kristen I had given up on dating. I was fine being single. So, when I saw the hottest girl I’d ever seen across from me at a bible study, I just went right up to her. I wasn’t worried about how l looked. I didn’t consider how she might be too hot for me. If anything, I was fine meeting a new friend. I didn’t get her number. I just stalked her down on Facebook (which is completely kosher), and then told her I needed her number because I was bad at checking my Facebook messages.

This is not a dating site. It’s called GoodGuySwag for a reason. It’s about starting within and making sure you know yourself, you are comfortable with your decisions, and you are confident in your life. Understand yourself; do this before dating.

Be who you are supposed to be, become who you are supposed to become, seek and you will find, and everything else will fall into place. It could be literal, but even if the world falls apart around you, your priorities will be lined up. When you know who you are, and know who you belong to, no distraction can shake you. You’ll stand firm and be strong like an oak and it will reflect in everything you do (hence, the use of this amazing picture I took at my uncle’s farm). Then you won’t have to worry about what car you drive, how much money you make, or who you know. You’ll be attractive “as is.”

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7 Responses to Are You Iffing Your Life Up? Do This Before Dating

  1. Andrew Ballard April 22, 2014 at 1:39 am #

    Simple truths are simply true. Been a long time since I’ve been convicted about something, and I’ve been needing to be. God’s speaking through you, brother.

    • Kris Wolfe April 25, 2014 at 5:04 pm #

      God’s speaking through you Andrew. I can’t believe you are in high school buddy. I see big things for you.

  2. Jorge M April 23, 2014 at 2:18 am #

    Thank you so much for this post Kris. Still in the process of learning who I am and what I’m called to be. Reading this really made my day. Have a great week! PEACE

    • Kris Wolfe April 25, 2014 at 5:05 pm #

      I’m still learning too Jorge, and I hope I learn throughout my life. You and I….we are on a journey!

  3. Ben War April 25, 2014 at 6:07 am #

    You are changing my life, Kris. Never stop doing this.

    • Kris Wolfe April 25, 2014 at 5:06 pm #

      Thank you Ben. My life is changing through this too. I have found a band of brothers online.

      • Marvin May 2, 2014 at 2:24 pm #

        Thats right Kris… God is using u to bless others, and am grateful for the information….. thanks

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