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Are You A Man By Today’s Standards?

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It’s tough to be a guy today. Are you acting too weak or being too aggressive? When do you earn the distinction of being called a “man”? Is there a rite of passage into manhood? Who are the role models that exemplify what being a man is?

Are you a man by today’s standards?

The world seems to say you’re a man if you make a lot of money, sleep with a lot of women, drink the right drinks, hang with the right people, know how to fight, and buy the right things.

In Joe Ehrmann’s Be A Man talk, he discusses 3 Myths of Masculinity:

  1. Ball Field: athletic ability, size, strength, skill
  2. Bedroom: sexual conquest
  3. Billfold: economic success

According to Joe, boys are taught to live by these myths at an early age. When a boy is hurt or cries, he is told to “be a man.” The message is that it’s not ok for boys to experience emotion or be sensitive. This causes men to suffer from “alexithymia,” which is an inability to put expressions or feelings into words. In other words, these myths cause brokenness, and there is a disconnect most women can identify when they start dating the alexithymic man. Some argue these myths create much larger issues like suicide, violence, rape, bullying, etc.

Is there more to being a man than the man myths which only touch on the surface? Few venture to find the depth within a man’s soul. It’s awkward for guys to sit down with a group of other guys to share their weaknesses and talk about their needs. Guy aren’t supposed to have needs, right?

You don’t need to be a man by today’s standards

When a guy releases the pent-up hurts that have haunted him for years with a group of guys, he discovers a depth within he never knew about. I’ve seen it happen in my college fraternity, a campus ministry, Young Life, my men’s group in Los Angeles, CA, and in our GoodGuySwag online group. What he discovers is there is strength in numbers, and he doesn’t have to be the lone wolf anymore.

A war cannot be won alone, even if it’s your own personal war. A man has to recognize his need for help in a battle to be victorious.

The message we should be communicating instead of “be a man” is “be transparent.” Gordon Dalbey, one of the founders of the men’s movement, said,  “A real man is a man who is real.” I believe the hurt caused by the phrase “be a man” can begin repairing when guys understand it’s ok to have hurt, experience empathy, have emotion, care for others, and have compassion for those in need.

Compared to women, men aren’t known for deep friendships. However when guys let their guards down, the strongest of friendships develop, and men truly become “blood brothers.” When this happens, the most powerful force transpires, and as Nathan Scoggins points out, men literally change the world.

I’ve done a lot of personal work, and I’ve been part of some of the most stellar men’s groups, but I still have a long journey ahead. Ultimately I realize there is a journey going back more than going forward. I still have to make sure no stone is unturned in my life. I need to reconnect further with my own father.

Some of you may be further along on your journey than me, and still have yet to find healing. I believe true healing happens when we reconneect with the primal masculine energy of the Universe through the Ultimate Father. It’s where it all began.

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5 Responses to Are You A Man By Today’s Standards?

  1. John Grigsby November 4, 2014 at 2:04 pm #

    I spent some time sharing my thoughts on what qualities make a man http://johndgrigsby.com/2014/10/10/when-is-a-boy-a-man-part-4/.
    These ideas should be shared more with boys as they are growing up and older males when they do not act like a real man.

  2. Don Dressel December 14, 2014 at 12:34 am #

    A real man? We are taught a real man is someone who is tough gives no quarter and takes what he wants! What about having empathy and be able to look in to someones eyes he cares about and tell them he loves him or her?! A real man is well rounded and not in just one aspect of his personality or life!

    • Kris Wolfe December 27, 2014 at 8:06 pm #

      I think Joe Ehrmann nailed it on the head with these three damaging societal expectations.

  3. MoricErianna December 22, 2014 at 12:29 am #

    I want to share my testimony with the public at large about what this man called Dr.Malaa just made for me, just the man to bring back my Ex husband lost me with his great spell, I married my husband we were together for a long time and we loved ourselves, but when I was unable to give a child of 2 years left me and told me I can not go more then I was now looking for ways to bring it back until a friend of mine says me about this man called Dr. Malaa and give me your email contact (bestspellhome.gmail.com), then you’re not going to believe this when I contacted this man in my problems this spell prepared and bring I lost my husband again, and after a month i miss my month and go for a rtest and the result declared am happy I am pregnant now a mother of a girl, thanks again so great Dr.Malaa you’ve done for me, if you are passing by through this same kind of problems you can contact him today in the mail (bestspellhome.gmail.com)

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