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Are You A Gentleman Or A Serviceman?

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The gentleman is often perceived as being too refined and weak for the red pill alpha males and too misogynistic for feminists. But a gentleman is neither powerless nor chauvinistic. While the “gentleman” title was at one time a symbol of class, today’s gentleman is any man who wants to become a better version of himself, and who wants to make the world a better place.

A true gentleman is both strong and respectful.

However, there’s one poser out there who’s trying to dress the part and act the part. He hopes he can mimic the gentleman enough to catch the attention of ladies. Frankly, he’s giving gentlemen a bad name.

I recently saw a sketch comedy from Amy Schumer called “Hello M’Lady.” Her friend explains,”It’s an app for your smartphone that helps you manage those clingy, fragile guys who think that they’re dating you.”

In the video, the Hello M’Lady guys try to come across as gentlemen through buying drinks, giving her flowers, helping with chores, writing “thesis-length” adoration emails, buying her iPhones, and in one instance, moving her boyfriend into her apartment. The app picture shows a guy putting his jacket over a puddle. Only these guys aren’t gentlemen, they are impostors! You can usually find one when he complains, “Girls only go for jerks.” Robert Glover calls these guys “Nice Guys,” or guys who act a certain way to get something in return.

Are You A Gentleman or a Serviceman?

If you expect sex after paying for a meal, you are not gentleman. If your “chivalrous” act come with a price tag, then you have no #goodguyswag. Because you believe you should get something in return, at best, you are no different than an electrician, a plumber, a computer tech, etc. You are a serviceman.

A serviceman gives

  1. …because he expects something in return.
  2. …because he needs something in return.
  3. …according to what he’ll receive.

A gentleman gives

  1. …and doesn’t expect anything in return.
  2. …from his own fulfillment or abundance, so he isn’t needy.
  3. …and gives extravagantly.

The Hello M’Lady guys/nice guys come across as polished and well-intentioned, but they are expectant, needy, and manipulative. They were usually hurt as children, so they create an illusion hoping they can fool a woman. The create covert contracts. In No More Mr Nice Guy, Robert Glover describes this contract as:

  1. I will do this (fill in the blank) for you, so that
  2. You will do this (fill in the blank) for me.
  3. We will both act as if we have no awareness of this contract.

When he doesn’t get what he expects in return, he becomes frustrated, and tries to guilt-trip her. The Hello M’Lady guy gets angry in the skit and says, “Can we talk outside? I think you owe me that much.”

The true gentleman has a leg up on the Hello M’Lady guys and the alpha males. He has confidence in himself. He knows his worth, his value. But he also has morals, values, and integrity. He has a social finesse that makes him influential. More importantly, he knows what he wants, and goes and gets what he wants. He’s a gentleman and expects nothing in return.

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7 Responses to Are You A Gentleman Or A Serviceman?

  1. TB Rhine April 18, 2015 at 2:42 am #

    I don’t buy the distinction folks try to draw being “nice guys” and “gentlemen.” I think most of the dudes this sketch is making fun of are well-meaning, (at one point) genuinely nice individuals who’ve been passive aggressively rejected, not to mention used and taken advantage of, by countless women, all while society and pop culture keep telling them to Buck up, Tiger, ’cause one day your time will come. See how friendly your disposition would be after ten or fifteen years of that.

    • Kris Wolfe April 28, 2015 at 7:43 am #

      TB, great point, and I’m definitely not making fun of them considering I’ve walked in those shoes for too many years. I agree society tells us to “Man up,” “Buck up,” etc. That just never worked for me. It took years of building confidence in myself through lifting and counseling.

  2. ViceKnightTA June 13, 2015 at 8:14 am #

    Personally I say this whole notion of “nice guy” vs. “bad boy” vs. whoever, is ridiculous.

    like arguing over apples and oranges (e.g. ohh I hate oranges, apples are much easier to consume cause i’m too lazy to deal with peeling an orange before I eat it)…give it a rest.

    You want to attract a girl?

    Stop focusing on trying to be nice or bad…be passionate.

    Find something you like to do or think you’re decent at, and keep doing it. Keep doing it till you get to an honest level of mastery, but don’t stop there! NO LIMITS.

    If you focus less on what YOU THINK a girl wants, and focus more on what YOU DO in life, then the girl will not even think twice about the “nice guy”/”bad boy”/whatever nonsense when she notices your passionate self for the first time.

    You will be seen as a MAN.

    (for the record, I do prefer oranges to apples)

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