A Celebrity Told Me That No Girl Would Ever Love Me and This is How I Responded
“People still ask me about you all the time.”
“Really?” I responded.
“Yes,” she said. “I always tell them, ‘Oh, Will? He’s good. He’s still trying to be a straight man.'”
Ouch. Ok, that hurt but I get it. She thinks I’m gay and I’m used to that and have discussed it publicly before (See “So You think I’m Gay?“). I had no idea my sexuality was such a hot topic amongst celebrity circles.
It all went down in the bathroom at her house in the hills. Yes, the bathroom. A big bathroom. I was sitting on the built-in corner bench by the window and she was sitting across from me in a chair in the middle of the bathroom after just having had her hair cut and colored. We were having one of those long life talks that you have with friends and this one lasted about three hours.
The quick backstory is that I had worked as her assistant for five years. We had been through a lot together…million dollar contracts, friends dying, buying new houses, health issues, Emmy wins…all mixed together in what I would say was overall a pretty good time. Two years before this hangout in the bathroom, I had quit to do other things. But, we have stayed friends over the years. I’ve flown across the country a few times to see her perform and we would text and email and sometimes hang out at the house with her dogs.
The subject turned to my dating life and how I’m looking for a fun and funny Christian girl to settle down with at some point. Oh, I forgot to mention that this actress is a gay icon and she knows I’m attracted to both girls and guys but that I’m not really acting on my attraction to guys due to a number of things but in part, because of my biblical beliefs. This is a topic we discussed many time over the years that I’ve known her, and she usually understood my point of view…until this time.
“Will, when are you going to learn that your beliefs are ridiculous?” she asked. “You’re living your whole life based on one verse in the Old Testament.”
She actually said she thinks my beliefs are ridiculous.
And to my face!
Can’t she just say it behind my back like everyone else in Los Angeles?
So I told her it’s not one verse in the Old Testament and even without the Bible, I would still end up with a girl over a guy. I reminded her of the girl I had a huge crush on when we were in Oklahoma and I asked her if she believed I was actually attracted to her and she said yes. The was a hot brunette who happened to be a funeral director. I met her while helping someone plan a funeral. Believe it or not, sparks were flying and it’s the most fun I’ve ever had…considering we were planning a funeral. Needless to say, it didn’t work out and she ended up marrying a better looking version of me.
“No girl wants to be with a guy who has been with guys,” she said emphatically.
So she didn’t technically say no girl would ever love me, but that’s all I heard. This cut me deep. If no girl will want to be with me, what does that mean for me?
“I just don’t want you to waste your life and miss out on something great,” she said…for her, that meant a romantic relationship with a guy.
“Well, let me turn it around on you and see what you think,” I said. “You’ve never had kids…by choice. What if I said, ‘I don’t want to you to waste your life and miss out [by not having kids] on something great.’ What would you say to that?”
“No one has ever said that to me.”
“Well, they just did,” I said.
“Ok, I see your point.”
It all ended by us having a pretty good back and forth and we ultimately moved the conversation from the bathroom into her closet (I thought she was trying to get me out of the closet…the irony!). Much like her bathroom, her closet is huge, and happens to be our favorite spot to hang out together.
It took me awhile to work through everything that had happened. Here’s a photo of me the next morning:
You can still see the pain in my face. This was my inner monologue:
Is there a woman out there that can see past what I’ve done? Are there really no other options for me now, except guys? I know that not every woman will want to be with a guy who has been with guys, but someone must be out there who will see me for me and not get caught up in that. If a guy met a great girl and then found out she had been with girls would that immediately disqualify her? It wouldn’t for me. Who won’t cross me off their list right away? Wait. Of course the love of my life is out there somewhere! How could anyone tell me she’s not?
Some of you might be wondering why I would be friends with someone who would say this to me. This is why…
What I realized when I thought it all out was that she said it because she loves me. It hurt and I don’t agree with her, but she genuinely doesn’t want me to waste my life. Sure, maybe it could have been sugar-coated a little, but if she didn’t care what I did with my life, we wouldn’t have been talking about it in the first place. I understand now that her intentions weren’t bad. She was simply trying to guide me in what she thinks is the best path for my life. And I appreciate her honesty. As hard as this conversation was, it only made me stronger in what I believe. And what I like the most about this exchange is that you have two people with beliefs on opposite sides of the spectrum, but at the end of the day, we still care about each other.
Some people only want to be friends with people who believe exactly what they believe. While it’s important to surround yourself with people who will encourage you, there’s something great about having those friends who think radically different from you. You can’t change the world in a bubble, right?