Have you ever met someone and almost immediately you liked them? Of course you have. I’m not just talking about romantic love but someone you just seemed to hit it off with. Wouldn’t it be useful if there were steps to creating that kind of instant rapport with people you meet? How awesome would it be to be able win over your new boss? That hot girl at the bar? Well, I’m about to list the steps necessary to instantly have anyone, anywhere like you, almost immediately. Be careful though what you ask for and please do not use these to influence other people’s behaviors for the wrong reasons.
7 Steps To Get Anyone to Like You Immediately
Find a common bond
I have read “nothing brings 2 people together faster than a common hatred”. That may be true but I have found that something positive in common works better if you are interested in forming a long term bond with the other person. What do I mean by something in common? Perhaps the high school they attended, a sports team they worship, a hobby, a band, where they lived, etc. How will I know these things you ask? This leads me to next step in this dance…
Make the conversation about them
Everybody’s favorite topic is themselves. One of my favorite lines is, “enough about me, let’s talk about you. What do you think about me?” Some people have an easier time talking about themselves than others. If you are getting one word answers, if they are really not “giving up the info,” be careful, you don’t want to turn this into an inquisition. Give some information (sparingly I caution) about yourself and use it as a springboard to another question. And when they do talk about themselves, try to look interested; lean in, make eye contact, check off with them verbally every once in awhile to let them know how amazingly interesting they are. If you yawn and your eyes glaze over (the evoked response I get from wife from telling my deeply personal, emotional stories) you may as well just call it a day, go home and watch Fantasy Island because you’re not making any relationship this day.
Sprinkle the conversation with their name
We all love to hear our name, weird but true. It gives us that little squirt of adrenaline, especially from someone we just met who we wouldn’t associate subconsciously with knowing our name. Be careful not to use it too frequently lest you come off sounding like the admonishing parent. This also will help you remember their name which does so much more to forge an iron bond than, “hey, you.”
Ok, this can get dangerous but, in the right scenario appropriate/word-to-touch ratio, light touching can seal the deal. I caution against too much pawing up on your potential “bondee” or fondling of the wrong areas. A light, quick touch of the shoulder or upper arm or the thigh, far removed from the crotchal region are safe bets and don’t linger! The timing is also important; you can’t just reach out randomly to cop a feel. Touching is best after a point is made or when something funny is said. Touching will just express more emotionally that yeah, I get it or yeah, that was funny all the while building rapport.
Mirroring and matching
Ok, we all do really like ourselves, maybe not our 6 pack that now looks closer to a keg or the 10 pounds that went from our belly to our butt, but deep down we do have an unequivocal love for ourselves. How do we capitalize on this you ask? The next time you meet someone, pay attention to how they speak; how fast is their pace? How is their tone? Do they have certain phrases they use? (gotcha!, I hear you, I see). If you match their pace, tone and repeat, albeit sparingly, their favorite phrases, subconsciously this will (“Jedi Mind Trick”) make them immediately more comfortable with you. Now, look at their posture and their body language. Are they rigid? How are they standing? If they are easy breezy in posture/demeanor and you are stiff as a drill sergeant, you will alienate them. Reflect back to them what they project, but subtly; you don’t want them to think you are mocking them. Sure, mockery may be the highest form of flattery, but if you’re not on stage doing shtick, it’s the highest form of creepy.
Laugh and be happy
A lot of us have miserable lives, and people want to be around upbeat, positive, happy people who can lift them up. Smile, laugh, joke…this will create an atmosphere people will want to immerse themselves in.
Go to where they are
This is a little tricky in light of the last step. Although people like to be around happy people, if you storm in blowing sunshine around someone who is ostensibly not in a good mood, you will alienate them. Your mood has to be somewhat congruent with their mood. Ok, that’s where you start, but not where you want to remain. Think of it like lifting someone up; you have to reach down first. Metaphorically, by temporarily commiserating with them, at the level they are at emotionally, you create a camaraderie that “we are in this together and we are getting out of this together”. From here you want to steadily increase the evolution of the interaction to a happier place, slowly and steadily.