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6 Reasons Why The Good Guy Wins The Girl

the good guy wins the girl

Remember when the Christian Bale Batman franchise came to theaters? Many stories and blogs stated Superman had become irrelevant. He was un-relatable and too perfect. Audiences preferred the angst, the unresolved torture, and the heaviness of  The Dark Knight.

Both of these superheroes are good. But, a major difference exists between their everyday counterparts. Clark Kent is a nice guy. Bruce Wayne is a playboy.

After writing 10 Ways to Win The Girl’s Heart, some said the good guy usually loses the girl to the jerk.

It’s not the good guy who loses. It’s the nice guy who will usually get left behind.

This article is about the differences between the good guy and the nice guy and why the good guy wins the girl.

Superman is the true self (the good guy). Clark Kent is the façade (the nice guy).

I’ve been Clark Kent. I’ve experienced the rejection. As a nice guy, I finished last in social interactions because I didn’t have self-confidence. I thought having approval from others would make me happy, so I made top grades, became the teacher’s pet, and won every award I could win in high school.

I thought I found my identity in being the nice guy. It was so much easier building a squeaky clean exterior than dealing with my internal problems. It was a big reason behind me getting into bodybuilding. What I discovered is muscles attract some women, but if you don’t have confidence from the inside-out, the attraction will only take you so far. The truth is, I had a lot of junk in my life I needed to face head-on.

A time came when I had to face myself. I think it’s only then that one can become a good guy, and these 6 reasons are why he wins in the end:

Inner Strength

While the good guy operates from a position of strength, the nice guy operates from weakness. A good guy is humble, which means he understands he has strength, but opts not to use it for his own position or gain. Even if the book The Game recommends using “negging” or backhanded compliments, a good guy is strong enough that he doesn’t need to use tactics. The purpose of “negging” is to make a woman feel inferior and supposedly gives a man control, but a good guy knows he is a catch. A powerful woman does not threaten a man who has true strength. If anything, a man of strength will only strive to elevate women.

Courage

A good guy has the courage to pursue a woman. He’s not afraid to go up and start a conversation. Fear does not control his life, so he has no need to be controlling, passive aggressive, or overprotective once he is in a relationship. He holds on to promises of hope, and puts his confidence in God, not himself, nor a relationship.

Character

A good guy is secure in his identity. He is not needy, nor does he seek approval like the nice guy. A good guy won’t compromise his morals to try and attract a woman. His moral compass will not waver.

Leadership

A good guy holds vision for the relationship. He is forward-thinking and has no need to micro-manage the relationship. He notices the small things and plans in advance. He has a vision for the kind of woman he wants, and takes the initiative in his dating life.

Authenticity

A good guy gives compliments because they are true. The nice guy and the bad guy resort to flattery and brown-nosing. Women are intuitive. Everything a good guy does is genuine, not because he wants people to like him. He compliments women because he appreciates them each as a person and can recognize positive attributes regardless of his intentions.

Endurance

Finally, he’s a marathoner. This has nothing to do with running. A good guy is simply in it to win it. He strives for the prize and doesn’t let anything stand in the way. He’s not short-sighted. Obstacles might get in the way, but he doesn’t give up, or cast blame. He owns his story.

Dr Robert A. Glover points out in his book No More Mr Nice Guy that,

The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are ‘good,’ they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life.

So, he creates a Clark Kent façade. In reality, he’s no different from the jerk. The façade is inauthentic, crafted, and manipulative.

The only way a nice guy can become a good guy is to face his self. It wasn’t until Bruce Wayne faced his fears that he became an unstoppable force in Batman.

As perfect as he may seem, Superman deals with despair. He has his own scars from losing his parents and his home, and he goes to the Fortress of Solitude to deal with them. Even the Man of Steel must face his own pain.

Have you spent some time facing yours? Have you surrounded yourself with other men you can be transparent with? Sometimes all you need is wise counsel, but if you’re like me, I needed a little extra help, and that’s ok, too.

I realized my Clark Kent façade was just an unending carousel ride of despair.  When I finally saw the mess I created, I spent a lot of time in prayer. I got involved in support groups, went through a program called Restoring the Foundations, and attended Relationship Bootcamp with Kristen.

I still have a journey ahead of me, but I’m thankful I took these pre-emptive steps. It’s allowed me to become a Superman to my wife. After all, Lois Lane didn’t marry Clark Kent until he revealed his true self.

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38 Responses to 6 Reasons Why The Good Guy Wins The Girl

  1. Cara Greninger June 5, 2013 at 2:18 pm #

    I love this. I’m crying! (Imagine that – haha!) Thanks for your transparency and sharing your heart. God truly has His hand and his purposes on your life. I’m thankful for the brother you have been to me and I’m so honored to witness your and Kristen’s love story. Love you both!! Even better and greater things are yet to come.

    • kriswolfe June 5, 2013 at 2:29 pm #

      Thank you Cara! I’m so excited to see you next week!!!!!

  2. Leslie Klassen June 6, 2013 at 5:19 am #

    Wow!! you wrote this entire piece?? I’m impressed! Very insightful, young man! You get an A+ from me! I appreciated your hard work and authenticity at our bootcamp…God has big plans for you and Kristen as you continue to choose HIM! xo

    • kriswolfe June 6, 2013 at 6:13 am #

      Wow!!! Thank you so much Leslie. That means the world to me. Relationship Bootcamp has really inspired me to write these blogs.

      • Krista Wendle November 7, 2013 at 3:19 am #

        You are so right. All my life I thought I wanted a bad boy. I met a nice guy when I was 19, but let him go. At 42, we reconnected, and we’ve been very happily married for over three years. Now my only regret is that I didn’t “find him” (which really means find myself) sooner.

  3. Alejandro Baldwin June 6, 2013 at 11:22 am #

    Right on time. Thank you friend.

  4. Alexia Aleman June 18, 2013 at 7:51 pm #

    This is unbelievable in the most positive, awesome, truth filled way! Watch out world here comes Kris! Wow!

  5. the audacious amateur blogger June 19, 2013 at 5:22 pm #

    This is seriously the friggin … beautifully composed, well said, perfected bulleted list of things I have been trying, in vein, to convey to the “game” people. That nice isnt the same as “alpha” or whatever. That someone can be good at heart and still know how to attract, or does attract women.

    All the points you stated are things that I was unable to say in such a clear concise way.

    I am obsessed with superman. Favorite movie. You got me thinking (first I gotta say there are more differences bt batman and superman than what you said, ironically ive written posts about both. Batman is the only “superhero” who is totally mortal – except ironman.. and how his charater is similar to our “Dexter”. Like he batman really a serial killer that just kills bad people bc he got traumatized watching his mom die – like dexter?.. off topic).

    Thinking about it, yes, he puts the clark kent persona together SPECIFICALLY to avoid attention. To be invisible. He knows the traits that leaves no impression.
    I know men who have the qualities you mention. I would be over the moon to marry them. Lucky to. Odds it will happen, well tell me, what was it about your now wife that attracted you to her – AS A WIFE. Someone you wanted to marry, what makes her a “superwoman”?
    (Yes I saw man of steel and totally going back for seconds)

    • kriswolfe June 19, 2013 at 11:46 pm #

      I will check out your blog. Always down for superhero analyses! It’s gonna be a week though. We are on our honeymoon. You gave me the perfect idea for my blog next week. I think I will incorporate my vows. Kristen is a superwoman. She would be perfect if they ever did a remake.

    • Joseph February 13, 2014 at 4:56 pm #

      First off this article hits the nail right on the head and i see years of wisdom here in this article. Now as for the @theaduacious. You have wisdom don’t waste it on people who don’t want to listen to you. People will come to you when they realize how much of a moron they have been and how right you are, love them regardless

  6. hansolosvagina June 19, 2013 at 8:20 pm #

    Reblogged this on hansolosvagina and commented:
    For the good guys

  7. M3 June 20, 2013 at 2:17 pm #

    Just thought i’d correct a minor niggle in an otherwise good post..

    ” If anything, a man of strength will only strive to elevate WORTHY women.”

    A man of strength will also recognize when to let the dead wood drift on by.

    Wholeheartedly agree about the negs too. Negs work.. on certain women only. Usually damaged, and seeking constant external validation.. hence why the neg works. If all you’re after is a lay, i can see why it’s employed. I never cared to.. i was searching for something beyond a ONS with a low self esteem woman.

    I recognize a lot of myself in this. I was the quintessential nice guy for way to long. I stopped being Clark Kent and found my inner superman.

    Life’s been a blast ever since!

    • kriswolfe June 21, 2013 at 8:03 am #

      Sounds like you’re at a good place brother, and now that I am just married, i look back and realize I needed to be in that good place before my wife came along. Have you read “Wild at Heart”? I’ve been going back through and it’s making more sense to me now.

  8. Steven Pung August 30, 2013 at 9:58 am #

    Rather entertaining many many thanks, I believe your visitors could possibly want significantly more content articles similar to this carry on the good get the job done.

  9. Ben November 11, 2013 at 4:40 pm #

    I wish I had seen this in college, but it’s never to late to start. Semper Fi —

    • Kris Wolfe November 11, 2013 at 6:14 pm #

      It’s never too late Ben. I didn’t get married till I was 37. Keep the hope strong!

  10. Arri December 20, 2013 at 5:40 pm #

    I can really connect myself with this post. I have been trying to be the nice guy. I always attracted the wrong type of women. Women who are equally have very weak foundation. Only recently I realized that I need to rebuild my foundation. You are right on the spot when you define the nice. Now I’m in the process of becoming a good man.
    Thank you for this wonderful post. I really appreciate it.

    • Kris Wolfe December 24, 2013 at 6:27 pm #

      Thanks Arri…there’s a great book I’d recommend as well called “No More Mr. Nice Guy.”

  11. Patriot January 31, 2014 at 6:15 am #

    The start made me laugh a lot, it’s funny 🙂
    I too have experienced some of that but hey, overall a solid article and I love your writing style.

  12. James lee February 26, 2014 at 2:16 pm #

    Hey kriswolfe, i like a girl who is a christian and we’ve been officially friends last sunday but i knew her before she knew me before but we are not that close because we live 2 hours drive from each other. i want to tell her my feelings about her but im afraid she might reject or is it too early? Can you guide me with this coz im considering her as a lifetime partner. Thanks.

    • Kris Wolfe February 27, 2014 at 6:55 pm #

      James Lee, the problem with worrying about when to ask her out or the fear of rejection is that it can put you in the worst possible place forever….the friend zone. You should ask her to coffee during the day and just get to know her. Do you talk to her on the phone often? You’ll get a feel when the time is right, but don’t let fear guide your decision making.

      • James lee March 5, 2014 at 12:29 pm #

        Hey kris, im texting her everyother day and she always reply everytime im txting her but ofcourse im always the one who text her first,so i dont know if she’s just being nice.. I asked her to have a coffee with me next week through text coz still i didnt have the guts to call her, i thought she would say no but thank God she said yes instantly. And then she ask me what will be our topics to talk if we will meet and i said that i want to know her more,then she replied with a smiley that she will think about. And then after 5 hours she txted me and said that yes we can meet nextweek for coffee because we are now official friends and she’s looking forward to talk mostly about ministry and church.haha i dont if thats her way to say that im i the friendzoned or she’s just telling me to slow it down. Coz i understand that she never had a boyfriend and she’s in deep relationship with God.

  13. Tim Magee June 30, 2014 at 4:26 pm #

    Strong article Kris. What did the program Restoring the Foundations consist of?

  14. Roger A August 26, 2014 at 1:46 am #

    Great insight, Kris. I really like this website!

  15. Catalin Dobre March 18, 2015 at 11:02 am #

    This article could’ve been amazing if you hadn’t mentioned god.

    • Mariam Korea May 13, 2015 at 5:42 pm #

      That is the exact reason why I enjoyed it so much more. Great job, Kris.

      • Kris Wolfe May 14, 2015 at 5:51 pm #

        Thank you Mariam!

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