Remember when the Christian Bale Batman franchise came to theaters? Many stories and blogs stated Superman had become irrelevant. He was un-relatable and too perfect. Audiences preferred the angst, the unresolved torture, and the heaviness of The Dark Knight.
Both of these superheroes are good. But, a major difference exists between their everyday counterparts. Clark Kent is a nice guy. Bruce Wayne is a playboy.
After writing 10 Ways to Win The Girl’s Heart, some said the good guy usually loses the girl to the jerk.
It’s not the good guy who loses. It’s the nice guy who will usually get left behind.
This article is about the differences between the good guy and the nice guy and why the good guy wins the girl.
Superman is the true self (the good guy). Clark Kent is the façade (the nice guy).
I’ve been Clark Kent. I’ve experienced the rejection. As a nice guy, I finished last in social interactions because I didn’t have self-confidence. I thought having approval from others would make me happy, so I made top grades, became the teacher’s pet, and won every award I could win in high school.
I thought I found my identity in being the nice guy. It was so much easier building a squeaky clean exterior than dealing with my internal problems. It was a big reason behind me getting into bodybuilding. What I discovered is muscles attract some women, but if you don’t have confidence from the inside-out, the attraction will only take you so far. The truth is, I had a lot of junk in my life I needed to face head-on.
A time came when I had to face myself. I think it’s only then that one can become a good guy, and these 6 reasons are why he wins in the end:
While the good guy operates from a position of strength, the nice guy operates from weakness. A good guy is humble, which means he understands he has strength, but opts not to use it for his own position or gain. Even if the book The Game recommends using “negging” or backhanded compliments, a good guy is strong enough that he doesn’t need to use tactics. The purpose of “negging” is to make a woman feel inferior and supposedly gives a man control, but a good guy knows he is a catch. A powerful woman does not threaten a man who has true strength. If anything, a man of strength will only strive to elevate women.
A good guy has the courage to pursue a woman. He’s not afraid to go up and start a conversation. Fear does not control his life, so he has no need to be controlling, passive aggressive, or overprotective once he is in a relationship. He holds on to promises of hope, and puts his confidence in God, not himself, nor a relationship.
A good guy is secure in his identity. He is not needy, nor does he seek approval like the nice guy. A good guy won’t compromise his morals to try and attract a woman. His moral compass will not waver.
A good guy holds vision for the relationship. He is forward-thinking and has no need to micro-manage the relationship. He notices the small things and plans in advance. He has a vision for the kind of woman he wants, and takes the initiative in his dating life.
A good guy gives compliments because they are true. The nice guy and the bad guy resort to flattery and brown-nosing. Women are intuitive. Everything a good guy does is genuine, not because he wants people to like him. He compliments women because he appreciates them each as a person and can recognize positive attributes regardless of his intentions.
Finally, he’s a marathoner. This has nothing to do with running. A good guy is simply in it to win it. He strives for the prize and doesn’t let anything stand in the way. He’s not short-sighted. Obstacles might get in the way, but he doesn’t give up, or cast blame. He owns his story.
Dr Robert A. Glover points out in his book No More Mr Nice Guy that,
The Nice Guy Syndrome represents a belief that if Nice Guys are ‘good,’ they will be loved, get their needs met, and live a problem-free life.
So, he creates a Clark Kent façade. In reality, he’s no different from the jerk. The façade is inauthentic, crafted, and manipulative.
The only way a nice guy can become a good guy is to face his self. It wasn’t until Bruce Wayne faced his fears that he became an unstoppable force in Batman.
As perfect as he may seem, Superman deals with despair. He has his own scars from losing his parents and his home, and he goes to the Fortress of Solitude to deal with them. Even the Man of Steel must face his own pain.
Have you spent some time facing yours? Have you surrounded yourself with other men you can be transparent with? Sometimes all you need is wise counsel, but if you’re like me, I needed a little extra help, and that’s ok, too.
I realized my Clark Kent façade was just an unending carousel ride of despair. When I finally saw the mess I created, I spent a lot of time in prayer. I got involved in support groups, went through a program called Restoring the Foundations, and attended Relationship Bootcamp with Kristen.
I still have a journey ahead of me, but I’m thankful I took these pre-emptive steps. It’s allowed me to become a Superman to my wife. After all, Lois Lane didn’t marry Clark Kent until he revealed his true self.