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6 Dirty Secrets You Don’t Know About Christians

Disclaimer: This list is not meant to generalize all Christians. It’s really about many of the Christians in my circle of friends.

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Editor’s note: Will Youngblood is a contributor who also wrote Crossfit With A Conservative Christian and a Porn Star, which has been one of the most popular articles on the site.

These are considered “secrets” because most of us feel too vulnerable to come out and say them out loud. Let’s change that!

1. We’re horny

In terms of sex, many of us are trying to wait until marriage. You try waiting 30 years for sex and see how horny you are. From a single perspective, if we’re not acting on our sexual desires, we probably should be horny all the time, right? And since married sex gets such a bad rap, my Christian friend who is married offered me this insight: “Married sex is WAY better than single sex.” So there you have it. Christians like sex too.

2. We curse sometimes

My favorite example of this is when Chynna Phillips of Wilson Phillips was on “Dancing with the Stars”. She cursed in rehearsal and then said, “Sorry Jesus! I need to curse!” Shortly after, #sorryjesus was trending world wide on Twitter. I’m not encouraging a dirty mouth but it’s worth pointing out that even the most devout Christians seem to have words like “heck” and “friggin’” in their vocabulary.

3. We’re trying to be better listeners

We know we haven’t been the greatest listeners over the last few thousand years. We’re working on it. We’re trying to ask more questions about you because we want to get to know you. We’re sick of missing out on great people because we judged them first. So hang in there with us. We’re slowly getting better at it.

4. We like to drink alcohol

It’s true. And I’m pretty sure there have been many prayers specifically thanking Jesus for turning water into wine because that means we can drink it. The Christmas party at my church allows everyone to bring alcohol if they’d like. Surprised? We like to have a good time but it doesn’t always have to involve drinking. If you see us getting drunk though, know we’ve gone too far.

5. We believe God loves you

Among other things, one of the foundations for our faith is that God loves everyone. As you’ve frequently heard, “For God so loved the world…” That means everyone. So try not to be offended the next time you see a fanatic holding up a John 3:16 sign at a baseball game. He’s just trying to tell you that God loves you.

6. We love you

Seriously. You’ll find that our circle of friends includes as many non-Christians as it does Christians. We like people and understand that regardless of our faith, we are all much more alike than we are different. If you don’t believe in Jesus, that’s where we’re different. But we still like you…a lot.

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12 Responses to 6 Dirty Secrets You Don’t Know About Christians

  1. Nathan December 11, 2013 at 4:40 pm #

    Married sex is crazy better. When you can give yourself to your spouse with total trust, without trying to use sex as a relationship adhesive, or trying to enjoy it before it’s gone, a whole world of freedom opens up. The best sex is a gift to your spouse, and when you don’t need to be afraid of the relationship ending, you can give without fear. The best sex comes in a loving environment of total trust and understanding — sex tends to be a reflection of everything else in the relationship, from communication to conflict resolution to shared values and passions, and too many people (Christians included) are so focused on sexual compatibility at the start that they don’t realize that, as you grow in relational compatibility, so too you will grow in sexual compatibility.

    • Ben L. December 19, 2013 at 1:39 am #

      … unless, of course, you’re gay. And then there’s no such thing as “married sex” (at least in 34 states there isn’t). For those of us in states where we are second-class citizens, we just get “filthy, deviant ‘sexual partner’ sex.” Even if a couple has been together and devoted to each other for 5, 10, 20, 30+ years… the majority of “Christians” still define that as “good friends screwin’ again.”

      • Tim W December 19, 2013 at 7:05 pm #

        So true Ben. I had 25 years of non-married sex until Maryland passed marriage equality and we were able to marry. And Number 6 no most Christians no matter what they say do not love gay people.

        • Will December 20, 2013 at 2:51 am #

          Tim, we gotta introduce you to more Christians. 🙂

          • Ben L. January 3, 2014 at 5:12 pm #

            If the “love” of any Christians includes the “deeply held belief” that I should not enjoy equality under the law and should, in effect, be a second-class citizen unprotected from discrimination…. I’ll pass on that “love.” It’s disingenuous and not real.

      • Jack G February 24, 2014 at 11:07 pm #

        Can you expand on “second-class citizens”? Who uses the words “filthy, deviant sexual partner’s sex”? How do you know that the “majority” of Christians still define that as “good friends screwin again”?

  2. Sam April 29, 2014 at 3:10 am #

    It doesn’t matter if most christians love gays or not, a true christian would. Even if the whole world hates you, Christ died for you, just as he did for me, so that means God loves us.

  3. TheHolyAss April 3, 2017 at 1:56 am #

    Being horny is not something that’s dirty according to christianity! Acting on it is! What the heck man?

  4. TheHolyAss April 3, 2017 at 1:57 am #

    Being

  5. TheHolyAss April 3, 2017 at 2:00 am #

    You can’t delete comments! that’s just annoying. Being. Lol whatever..

  6. TheHolyAss April 3, 2017 at 2:11 am #

    For you guys who thinks that we christians are so innocent angels, were just normal, doing what’s right. It’s you guys who are shit kids breaking the laws…

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