Pick-up artists use a technique called negging, or a back-handed compliment, to attract women. When it’s done right, it comes across as teasing, and teasing or flirting is one of the many ways you can let a girl know you like her. There’s good teasing, and then there’s bad teasing.
I should be the master at teasing. I’m a big brother, a class clown, and in my younger days, a Young Life leader and the ultimate prankster. I pulled some of the most legendary stunts in my college days. This girl Lindsay still reminds me about the open can of mackerel I hid in her non-AC room all summer long. But I’m not a master at all. I often went over the line, accidentally hurt feelings, and acting on impulse, never considered the future of any action.
Teasing or flirting, can be used interchangeable. Flirting can help build an amazing relationship, but make sure you flirt like a good guy, and not a jerk.
Here are 5 Ways To Flirt Like A Good Guy:
1. It requires two people. It only works if she’s in on it too. Obviously, if she’s not into you, your flirting isn’t going anywhere anyhow. If she’s not reciprocating or laughing, then she might think you’re just making fun of her. Flirting gone wrong, can really go wrong.
2. Point out something obviously not true. Don’t be manipulative, or passive aggressive. If you’re pointing out a flaw, a handicap, or something she can’t change, you’re just being a bully. It’s after getting three strikes, you point out she might need bowling lessons. It’s after she just wins valedictorian, you suggest she might need a tutor. No harm here.
3. It’s playful. It’s all about how you communicate. If you say something with a grin, then she’ll most likely perceive it as being playful. Teasing requires over-exaggerated expressions and gesturing. If you’re one of those expressionless kind of guys, then maybe flirting isn’t your go-to.
4. It’s affectionate: According to psychologist Dacher Keltner, “partners feel more positive emotion after poking fun.” They are also more likely to use “coy smiles, the sticking out of the tongue, laughter, bizarre facial expressions, unusual voice inflection and physical touching wrapped around the aggressive core of the tease.”
5. It’s not repetitive. One of my buddy’s is a good-looking guy and he married a super beautiful girl. I remember how he flirted with her in college…constantly, and today, he still constantly teases her, but she’s over it. Bring some substance to the table every once in awhile.
Bottom line is, life throws a lot of difficulties and seriousness at us. Teasing, flirting or poking fun are great ways to take the tension out of a situation, lighten things up, and make her feel more comfortable. However, if she’s already mad at you, teasing might not work (in fact, I can say it hardly ever works with Kristen). If you’re using teasing to invalidate her feelings, you’ll just end up in the doghouse.