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5 Quick Ways to End a Fight with Your Girlfriend

 

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Nothing wears a guy out more than a relationship fight, eh? After an all night fight, the next morning just doesn’t quite start out on the best note regardless of the outcome. In Crucial Conversationsit describes people having a tendency to move towards silence or anger in an argument when stakes are high. Sound familiar? Guys have pretty much mastered silence and anger.

I don’t know about you, but it goes a little something like this when she gets mad at me: I’m quiet, hoping the problem just passes over, and of course it never does. I think, “Maybe I just need to be silent a little longer, but I’m starting to get irritated now.” And then suddenly, my once serene surface erupts like a geyser with all sorts of defensive accusations that get me more in trouble and exponentially grows the fight.

Sleepless nights can be over. Now that I’m married, I’ve discovered 5 quick ways to end a fight with your girlfriend.

1.  Lead

Be the leader in the situation.  You might not be able to control how she is acting, but you can control yourself.  I read some great advice from blogger James Russell Lingerfelt: “Never blame your wife [or girlfriend] if you get frustrated or angry at her, it is only because it is triggering something inside of YOU. They are YOUR emotions, and your responsibility. When you start noticing those feelings erupting inside you, take time to get present, look within and understand what it is inside of YOU that is asking to be healed.“ As a leader, you should remain calm, but as a guy we interpret calm as being silent. Don’t be silent. Be honest and never react out of emotion.

2.  Stay

Another way us guys are tempted to react is to leave the room or leave the house. I also liked James’s  thoughts: “DON’T RUN-AWAY WHEN SHE’S UPSET. Stand present and strong and let her know you aren’t going anywhere. Listen to what she is really saying behind the words and emotion.” I had a friend tell me when his wife gets upset, he asks, “What are you needing from me?”  Let her know you are going to be present until the issue gets resolved. When my wife Kristen gets upset at me, I have found she just wants to know I’m in for the long haul.

3.  Demonstrate

Be aware of your actions…they mean more than your words. You can have an opinion, but don’t be defensive. Allow her to speak her mind without interruption. Show her you care. Not only is it important to be present physically, but also emotionally.

4.  Admit

Arguing you’re right is only going to prolong the fight. It’s not about being right. When a conflict arises, set the pride aside. I’m not suggesting you should be a spineless pushover. I am saying that if you are wrong, be man enough to let go of your pride and admit it. I got some great verbage from PickTheBrain: “You’re absolutely right, it is my fault and here is what I’ll do to fix it” or “I may be wrong, let’s look at the facts together.” Admit and move on.

5.  Share

She can’t argue with how you feel, and in fact, she probably is waiting to hear you share your feelings. You can start with: “When you do this, it makes me feel like….” I have learned that being open and vulnerable with how I feel is disarming in a conflict with my wife. I notice that Kristen will instantly shift in her defensiveness and start to relax. Women are nurturers by nature and they want to empower us if we will let them <=my wife clearly edited this sentence.

In the end, you control how you will react. When you are calm and speak gently, the person raising their voice will be forced to match your vocal level. Every girl seems to have the “Keep Calm and Carry On” poster. It’s good advice for anyone.

 

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  • Dan Bright

    Great right up and straight to the point! Love the picture at the end as well ;-)

    • http://goodguyswag.com Kris Wolfe

      You’re the bomb Dan!

  • http://www.imdb.me/brucenahin bruce nahin

    When i was having a fight wife my ex wife debrah last year my first thought was to seek retribution from her from a clearly wrong thing she did. I Called Danny Silk who told me my choices should not be controlled by Debrahs actions.That I was resposible for me and my actions and i shouldnt let her actions control me.This is equally true in a fight between partners.Guys you can only control you and your actions.Act with integrity and do good upon your lady..dont return fire with fire.Control how you act..

    • http://goodguyswag.com Kris Wolfe

      Great advice Bruce! Thanks for commenting.

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  • http://jaimiemichellelee.blogspot.com/ Jaimie Lee

    Would love to see a girls’ version on this from your wife?! Something along the lines of how women can be more effective and understanding in their arguments with their boyfriends/husbands. I suspect there are some overlaps.

  • Tim Bradley

    These seem like excellent tips. Part of me is looking forward to our first fight so that I can demonstrate my love in yet another way.
    The problem is, we haven’t found anything we disagree on yet. Much less, anything worth fighting over.

    • Kris Wolfe

      That’s not a bad thing at all. Disagreements are inevitable in relationships. It happens mostly when I ignorantly hurt Kristen’s feelings.