Public speaking is the top fear listed in surveys, but approaching a girl a guy is interested in might rank at the top of a fear survey conducted for men. The same nervousness and anxiety someone feels before a speech isn’t much different from how a guy may feel before attempting to talk to a girl who has caught his attention. While taking an online course about public speaking, I found pre-speech recommendations to cure stage fright that can also be used before you talk to a girl for the first time.
The online course recommends techniques, shifting perspective, change your body language, and being yourself to overcome stage fright before giving a speech. The purpose of this article is to show you how you can use these 4 ways to prepare yourself to talk to a girl.
1. Techniques: I’m not talking about pick-up artist techniques or rehearsed lines; these are crutches a guy can use to appear relaxed, and some guys may find this initially helpful. Truly being relaxed is unbeatable. If athletes use breathing exercises, imagery, warm-ups, and tension relievers to help with focus before a competition, why can’t you utilize techniques to prepare yourself to talk to a girl?
- In stressful situations, breathing rates increase. One way to relax yourself is by taking deep breaths through your nostrils and breathing out through your mouth. If you choose this technique, may I recommend going outside or in a bathroom? If you practice this right next to her, you might scare her or anyone else away.
- Speakers will often envision their speech before they give it, and see the audience reacting positively. Using visualization techniques gives someone confidence because it’s practicing in the mind. By visualizing your approach, you can anticipate somewhat how the situation will play out when you finally do go up and talk to her.
- While the course recommends doing vocal warm-ups, I think the best confidence booster is working out. Before my first date with Kristen, I hit the gym and took out all my stress on weights. When I drove up to pick her up, I was ready.
- I’m not much of a yogi, but anyone who stretches feels a sense of relief. Following up a workout, spend a few moments and stretch to take any tension out of your body, and then you won’t be as tensed up when you finally talk to her.
2. Shifting perspective: The one royal mistake I used to make before talking to a girl for the first time was putting her on a pedestal. I’ve heard some of my buddies psyche themselves out before even having a conversation with a girl, believing she was his future wife, his dream girl who would solve every problem in his life, etc. Relax. Take that burden off your shoulders and shift your perspective. You know nothing about her, and you are just making a new friend, and if she doesn’t have too many red flags, she might be a girl you would ask out for a first date. When you believe she checks everything off your wife list, you will fail to see the large, looming red flags.
3. Change your body language: How do you carry yourself? The other day, my buddies and I were getting a laugh over a guy at the gym walking around with his arms out wide as if he were huge. We’ve all seen these guys. Almost all animals expand when they feel a sense of pride, and it turns out we do the exact same thing. He might be on to something. As Amy Cuddy shows in her TedTalk, our nonverbals affect how others see us, but they also affect how we see ourselves. By standing confidently, you can feel confident, and you will come across as confident as well.
My wife told me I have lately been reaching my arm over and picking on my shoulder while talking to people; a bit primate, and not my best foot forward. It turns out this is called a “low power position” according to Amy Cuddy, which can increase cortisol and decrease testosterone (a combination you definitely do not want if you’re trying to attract a girl). Your position is your communication to yourself, and reflects to who you are talking to, and how you feel. “Fake it till you make it.” Open up your body, just not as extreme as the guy in the gym. If you want to talk to her, act like it by showing an outward confidence which will in turn help you with your inward confidence.
4. Be Yourself: The whole purpose in using any of the above tips is to be relaxed so you can be yourself, which is ultimately what she’s going to be attracted to most. Wearing a mask is a waste of time. Even if she’s initially attracted to a mask you wear, will she be attracted when she discovers the real you? The real you will always show itself in time. Be yourself, and if she doesn’t appreciate it, move on. It’s her loss, not yours. You will eventually find the right girl who will appreciate you for exactly who you are at this moment in time.