4 Ways I Recovered After I Lost Everything In Love

phonto (15)

Love is a lot like investing.

It involves risk.

With the matters of the heart there are no exact formulas, no algorithms.

A mentor of mine once told me “Love is spelled R-I-S-K.”

When we start this process of finding “the one,” we have no idea what lies before us. This journey can seem like a walk in the dark at times.

In the end, a relationship is created from two hearts, two minds, two souls, two wills, and two individuals attempting to live life together.

The risk factor comes from not knowing what will happen in the end.

Some time ago I met this girl, we connected really well and really fast. As time went on I realized I wanted to be more than just friends with her. One day we met for coffee, something we were both very passionate about, and I told her how I felt and what I wanted. I took the risk and that day I started my investment. Neither of us were sure what the future would hold but we were willing to see what would happen. Over the span of about two years I pursued her, had flowers delivered to her work, took her to dinner, and even helped her knock an item or two off her bucket list. I invested a lot.

My fear of missing an incredible opportunity became greater than the fear of no return. It was scary. I had so much of myself vested into something, into someone. It was all worth it. When I was with her. I wanted to be the man I always knew I was meant to be, and with her by my side I felt unstoppable.

But, the bubble bursted, and the love crashed. I lost everything.

I was disappointed, devastated even.  When it was over, the feelings I had I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy.  It all happened around my birthday, a time where friends and family celebrate who you are. I was left feeling insignificant. Someone I had built so much with no longer valued me. Everywhere I would go reminded me of some time we had shared. I remember going to CostCo one day and there was this nostalgic feeling that hit me. Then I remembered it was at CostCo I knew this girl was special.

It hurt. Memories would come and go. I had so many questions, so little answers. Having a piece of you ripped from your life leaves you empty. She was my best friend and then she was gone.

So now what?

Grieving is natural and does not make us less of a man. In fact grieving means we had involved our hearts and makes us more of a man. It is how we respond that will determine the success of our next relationship, and whether or not we are a good guy.

When we reach the conclusion that this person isn’t “the one,” we experience two emotions: pain and anger. Just an FYI guys, anger is just pain and it’s ok.

Here are 4 ways I recovered after I lost my investment in love.

1. I didn’t isolate myself. I reached out to friends, family, and stayed close. I told them what they needed to know. I did not tell them everything because a gentleman never does.

2. I picked up some of the hobbies I let go during the relationship.

3. I gave it time.

4. I took some time to refocus. I started looking at some of my goals and began giving them extra attention.

The reason we are reading this is because we want to be good guys, right? Forgive her, no matter what. Forgiving her will actually be helpful for the process of letting go. It’s tempting during this time is to speak ill of her or air out her dirty laundry, but do NOT do this. There is nothing right about it and you’ll regret it later on. I used this as “me time” to see what can be done to become the greater me, a “good-er guy.” If something is learned from the experience, I cannot believe it is a failure but a chance to learn and grow. The relationship did not end as I had hoped, or the investment did not have the return I was expecting, but not all was lost. I still think it was worth it because she told me she now has a confidence she did not have before meeting me. Just because it went a different direction doesn’t mean it was lost.

To sum it all up…

Don’t cry because it is over, smile because it happened. –  Dr. Seuss

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5 Responses to 4 Ways I Recovered After I Lost Everything In Love

  1. dan horton March 3, 2014 at 11:29 pm #

    Given the stock market metaphor (risks & bubbles), your conclusions (grieving and forgiving) don’t follow.

    Here’s what popped into my mind following your premise and metaphor:

    (1) diversify. don’t put all your eggs in one basket. don’t narrowly focus in a search for ‘the one’ and jump headstrong into an exclusive relationship the instant one presents itself, but instead date liberally.

    (2) don’t invest so heavily so quickly. let all new interests grow and flourish on their own to prove their worth before investing.

    When something is risky you should take all possible steps in order to alleviate the risks.

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