A few months ago I was rescued from the LA dating scene by a prince of a man. He came out of nowhere and his strength swept me off my feet. Now guys, don’t get it twisted.I am not referring to his W.O.D stats or how much he can dead lift. I am talking about his strength of character.
On our first date I sat across the table from him at a charming Italian place on my side of town (that’s right, he made the trek across the city so that I didn’t have to and has kept it up ever since). So I sat there nervous, not because it was a first date, but because I had seen a hint of something spectacular in him and was nervous that it would be too good to be true.
Just prior to meeting him I had been on quite the LA dating spree. While it had been a fun season, it had left me exhausted and bored. I went on date after date with perfectly nice guys but couldn’t find the depth or strength of character I was looking for. I want to share with you 4 things he did on our first date, because fellas, after dating in LA this past year, I’ve realized it may be helpful to shed some light onto what us girls are looking for in a man.
1. Girls want a guy who is strong
There was no bragging about his gym feats. Please guys, we won’t go on for hours about what we want from Sephora if you promise to stop talking about cross fit. He showed his strength by sharing stories about what it was like for his family to immigrate to LA when he was young and how he had to learn a new language and create a new community out of a foreign culture. He demonstrated that he has the ability and drive to overcome adversity and achieve goals. He never once showed any signs of a victim mentality.
2. Girls want a guy who is compassionate and adventurous
He shared stories about missions trips and working with school children in Uganda. He told me he left his soccer gear behind for a young boy who loved the sport and couldn’t afford it. Few conversations are more gratifying than hearing someone share about their heart for those less fortunate and their experiences backing up their conviction to love freely and generously.
3. Girls want a guy who is humble and is a team player
He told me stories about playing collegiate soccer at a D2 school. None of his stories included his stats or lauded his accomplishments, but rather were about what he learned from his teammates and the joy he found in working with people to accomplish something. He showed me what a great teammate he would be because of his desire to work together on shared goals rather than operate as a lone ranger who will run you over trying to win.
4. Girls want a guy who is intentional and confident
He didn’t have any elaborate game and honestly his nerves trumped his swagger that night, but that didn’t stop him from locking in our next date before we said good night. I came away from it knowing that he was interested in me and that spending more time with me was at the top of his priority list. I also knew I could trust him to communicate his thoughts, feelings and intent. Now truth be told, it didn’t hurt that when I commented I felt bad his food must not have been very good since he hardly ate any of it, he said, “oh, no it was delicious, but it was difficult to eat because I was so mesmerized by you.”
Here’s the thing guys, we aren’t looking for you to be the perfect guy. Girls are looking for your strength of character. Some of the ways we see that is when you show us that you are kind, that you have a world view that includes more than just you, when you are honest, when you are interesting, when you know how to ask good questions, and also know how to listen, and when we don’t have to wonder if we are a priority in your life. So guys, when you show us how strong you are, you stand out in a crowd and get even closer to finding a great catch and living a more fulfilling life.