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30 Characteristics of a Good Guy

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Back in the 1800’s, fraternal organizations were started with the aim of making men better men.  The fact is, good guys are contagious.  Get a group of good men together, and they will change their school, their campus, and the world. Every man is a work in progress, but here are 30 characteristics of a good guy any man can grow and become:

  1. He has integrity and character:  simply put, a good guy is less talk and more action.  The Latin origin of “integrity” means whole, and when it comes to being a good guy, wholesome is sexy.  Everywhere he goes, he leaves a mark.
  2. He’s balanced:  family and friends always comes first.  He prioritizes his time and is well-rounded in many areas.  He’s a modern Renaissance man.
  3. He’s confident:  this doesn’t mean cocky at all.  He has a good self-image about himself and believes he deserves the best.
  4. He’s courageous:  he goes after what he wants even in the presence of self-doubt.  He’s not afraid to approach women and spark conversation.
  5. He listens:  the good guy doesn’t care about the sound of his voice.  He doesn’t interrupt and he follows the rule that 75% of the time should be listening vs. talking.
  6. He takes initiative:  the good guy is a leader, and takes the first step in a group setting and in a relationship.
  7. He’s detail-oriented:  as tough as it is for a man, the good guy tries to stay on top of it and is organized.  When it comes to pursuing the girl of his dreams, he knows the little things count the most.
  8. He has self-respect and gives respect to all:  he focuses on the kind of man he wants to be, and creates a positive internal self-dialogue.  A good guy is empathetic and forgiving.
  9. He challenges himself to be a better man:  most men are raised to believe they need to fight and conquer.  A good guy understands to overcome one’s own self is better than competing and beating anyone else.
  10. He’s committed and faithful:  he says what he means, and means what he says. He follows through with his word even with people who don’t follow through with theirs.  He’s loyal in relationship.
  11. He fights against injustice:  when a good guy sees another guy act out of line with a female, he thinks it could be his own sister, mother or daughter, and steps in to fight the injustice, even if it’s his own friend that’s causing the problem.
  12. He’s honest:  the truth can hurt, but it’s also the beginning of the healing process.  A good guy understands honesty might be tough up front, but the impact is far less than the outcome of long running white lies.
  13. He’s good with his money:  he makes decisions to plan for the future, and makes a budget for himself.
  14. He has good humor:  he doesn’t take himself too seriously, and is happy to be the pun of everyone’s joke.
  15. He’s humble:  he lets others sing his praises instead of himself.
  16. He’s a team player:  he understands the team’s success is his success, and cares more about the team winning than his own ego.
  17. He’s adaptable:  things don’t always go his way, but he picks himself up and tries again.  Throw him in any scene, and he’s comfortable.
  18. He has good manners:  his actions are made with care and consideration.
  19. He’s always learning:  the good guy loves life, and seeks to make the most out of it.  He reads at least one book a month.
  20. He’s shaped by men he respects:  he finds mentors, men he wants to be like, and regularly meets with them.
  21. He has true and close friendships:  he keeps a tight brotherhood around him and understands “iron sharpens iron as man sharpens man.”
  22. He has a desire to advance culture:  when he leaves the world, it will be a better place.
  23. He has temperance (moderate in action, thought, feeling and yup alcohol):  he’s not the wild and out of control guy at the party.  The good guy is the one who carries him home on his shoulders.  He thinks before he acts, and doesn’t let him emotions get the best of him.
  24. He supports and promotes moral excellence:  he knows what’s right and wrong.  The good guy is the one who helps an elderly lady carry her groceries to her car.
  25. He seeks peace when possible:  he confronts in private, but he’s never a doormat.  The confidence in himself is unwavering in tough times.
  26. He improves his physical health:  he knows his body is a temple, and works to improve his health and his image.
  27. He has a vision to lead:  with long-term thinking, the good guy leads with the realization his actions today will affect his life and others in the future.
  28. He has gratitude:  he works hard, and is thankful for everything he receives.
  29. He knows the importance of family:  not only is he concerned with the legacy he will leave, but he honors the legacy he has received and the traditions of his ancestors.
  30. He believes in his Creator:  he starts his day in prayer, and stops and listens for his next steps.

What would our character and reputations look like if we applied these principles?  Take one or two of these today and begin applying them to your life.  This list is based on some of the creeds of the most known fraternities.  What would fraternity reputations looks like if men followed the ideals?  No man is perfect, but we can all work on becoming better men.

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109 Responses to 30 Characteristics of a Good Guy

  1. Gordon Dalbey August 12, 2013 at 9:35 pm #

    Kris–
    Thanks for your encouraging words re my book Healing the Masculine Soul. I’m curious how you came across it? Happy to send you the follow-up Sons of the Father: Healing the Father-Wound in Men Today if you’d like. Let me know where to send it. Gordon Dalbey

    • Kris August 13, 2013 at 1:03 am #

      Gordon–I’m so honored you’d even comment on my blog. I have your book “Do Pirates Wear Pajamas?” beside me on my nightstand as I write. I came across your book through Marshall Allman, an actor here in LA. I owe my marriage to your writings. Thank you for your inspiration.

      • Rachel July 11, 2016 at 9:41 am #

        Hi!
        How do I find your blog?
        Thanks

  2. moonmyst August 28, 2013 at 4:37 am #

    Hello Kris,
    Wow your blog is simply wonderful and such a blessing! I just read your most popular post on 10 ways to win a girls heart, and as a result checked out some of your other entries. You give me hope that there are still faithful, Godly, good men out there. I also live in LA and consider myself one of those good girls as you call them haha..my faith is solid and I love life and seek to make a difference as God has called me to, the only thing is it’s been truly hard to meet a man of integrity and faith. I’m like, where are they? Haha. Well I think every man needs to read your blog and be encouraged! Thanks for sharing your beautiful love with us all, I only hope to have that in my own marriage someday 🙂 God bless you!

    • Kris Wolfe August 28, 2013 at 6:31 am #

      Seriously one of the nicest messages I have ever received. Thank you for taking the time to write all that out. It’s 11:30pm here in LA, and our guy’s group just let out. I can tell you. There are amazing godly men here in LA. With the exception of me and one other guy, all the other guys are single too. You’re knight will come!

  3. Jonathan Arnold September 26, 2013 at 4:05 am #

    Hey, Kris –

    Love your writing, man! I think this list is brilliant! It’s a great guide for setting some goals to be a better man. But on some of these I’m thinking, “Okay, I know that I should be like that, but how do I get there?” I’d appreciate seeing you elaborate further on some of these points sometime, especially to offer guidance as to how to integrate the items on this list as habits in one’s life, because some of them are challenging. Thanks for sharing your wise words!

    • Kris Wolfe September 26, 2013 at 11:00 pm #

      You got it Jonathan! I wrote to set the foundation for the site, so most of the articles coming in the future will focus on these for sure.

  4. Grieg October 29, 2013 at 4:57 am #

    Good without God. If you personally “need” God to be a good person, then deep down I doubt you are one. You don’t need a mystical quasi father figure to be a good person, and I’m sure I’m not the only one who finds the assertion that you do, frankly offensive.

    • Kris Wolfe October 29, 2013 at 7:50 pm #

      Thanks for your comment Grieg. I think we all need a father figure to be a good guy. Unfortunately, many men are not lucky enough to have a good father figure growing up. In that case, there is a Father men can turn towards. You don’t have to have all 30 characteristics to be a good guy, but I can’t take away #30 from so many men who’s lives have changed through AA, the Salvation Army, and yes, even church.

      • Tish November 8, 2013 at 1:14 am #

        There isn’t a father figure living in the sky. Claiming people need to believe in one in order to be good isn’t the attitude I would expect from a good guy.

        • Greg November 8, 2013 at 2:03 am #

          Good can be classified as a relative word. But in all things there must be a beginning/origin. Why do we aspire to be good? Where is that from? If the supreme being is taken out of this list then the list is obsolete.

          • Stephen November 10, 2013 at 4:36 am #

            What is your definition of good?
            The bible says that slavery is allowed and that you can stone children. Where’s the good in that? No one needs a belief in a higher power to be good. Period. You already reject certain things about your own god/religion, therefore making it useless. Let’s get some proof that believing in god makes a man a good person. Let’s hear it.

            In response to a previous post….And yes the universe can come from nothing as many quantum physicists have already opened as a possibility.

          • Crystal November 10, 2013 at 8:31 pm #

            I think people are misunderstanding #30 because they have bias towards using the word God and for that I can understand as I am not a Christian. But I think the idea of having a spirit connection and listening for inner guidance of some sort is so important to living a fulfilling life and that has nothing to do with the bible as all religions have various names and ways of reaching that grace. The important element is for a good man to have some connection to something bigger than himself as a guiding principle which can be described as a connection to God, Allah, Krishna, Buddha, the higher self within, or many other terms that relate to a higher power.

        • Tony November 17, 2013 at 3:39 am #

          Not for you Tish, but contemplation of a being bigger than me helping me, guiding me, encouraging me…helps me. I wish YOU peace, Whether you return the courtesy or not..will show as one of YOUR characteristics.

        • mary May 31, 2016 at 9:36 am #

          tish why dont you shut up. you dont see nobody forcing you to believe God exist so why trash it? re examine your head. thank you.

    • Miranda November 13, 2013 at 5:10 pm #

      Couldn’t agree with that more. I’m agnostic and my partner is an atheist. He’s the kindest most wonderful person I’ve ever met. My mother judges him for not believing in god, but he’s treated me better than anyone (including my family) ever has. You don’t need the concept of god to be good.

    • pat January 9, 2014 at 9:15 pm #

      I totally 100% agree, everything was great up in tell that point.

  5. Dave October 29, 2013 at 11:54 am #

    I agree with all but the last one. A good guy doesn’t have time for the Judeo-Christian God any more than the thousands of other ‘Gods’ mankind has invented since the Sumerians learned to write.

    Good list other than that.

    Thanks,

    Dave

    • Kris Wolfe October 29, 2013 at 7:37 pm #

      I’ll take 29 good points! Thanks for your comment and I do welcome opposing views by the way. You specifically mentioned the Judeo-Christian God. Is there a reason for that?

      • Nathan Sherma November 7, 2013 at 10:56 pm #

        Well, for starters:

        “I your god am a Jealous god.” – Deuteronomy.

        That tells me enough about a being with severe social insecurity issues. I liked all the others but seriously? The Judeo-Christian god is openly homophobic and has problems with Idols. He was the reason for hundreds of religious wars and deaths to apostates/heretics and women (who were “witches”).

        Reading Leviticus or Exodus doesnt fill me with a lot of confidence on his character either.

        • snliii November 11, 2013 at 5:21 am #

          Re Nathan; Jealously used in that passage is not the same as envy, which is most commonly associated in our modern vernacular. If you’re going to make an attempt to psycho-analyze this allegedly fictitious God, then you need to get the terminology right.

          Also, wars are started for a number of reasons. The largest killer though are not the religious zealots, rather, authoritarian governments. Add up the deaths caused by communist Russia, communist China, the Roman Empire, The Mongol conquests, WWI, WWII, The Japanese Empire, etc etc and it’s not even close.

          The Judeo-Christian God was not present in the public discourse in the aggressive regimes who brought war in these examples. I think everyone can agree that when a society is absent of God that the real atrocities ensue.

          • Stephen November 11, 2013 at 7:03 am #

            First off that still does not prove a god exists. And you can’t prove it.

            Also. There’s little proof to your claim because the countries you mentioned, the majority of the people are still religious. The government is only a handfull of the whole population. Before Russia became communist, and now capitalist, it has always been an orthodox country. Throw in the Catholic Church, Islamic ears, the crusades, genocide in Africa, Middle East, Europe and Asia, I guarantee that more people have died because of religion. Being afraid to die is no proof

      • Sarah November 20, 2013 at 7:24 am #

        The 30th point also surprised me – but I wonder why people react so strongly.

        God is a personal thing and I take this point as alluding to something mystical and beyond our physical senses and something part of ourselves – like an intuition. I don’t take it as THE Judeo-Christian God. The terminology is open to me and I don’t see the point in arguing the merits of religion when the essence of this message, I think, is so far from that.

        Nice article.

  6. Katie November 5, 2013 at 5:13 pm #

    My only question is… why is this post gender specific? I think all of these are great traits in women, too.

    And while I agree with spirituality or simply good will being important, I’m not sure if belief in God specifically is so important as the core of many religions: compassion, self-reflection, and kindness.

    • Kris Wolfe November 5, 2013 at 6:17 pm #

      Everything on this site goes along with the good guy swag mantra. These are characteristics of a moral authority rather than religions and churches. While they may display these characteristics most of the time, the Westborough Baptist Church is just one example of how religion can be really, really bad.

  7. Craig Davison November 6, 2013 at 6:38 am #

    Great inspirational read, thanks

  8. Anujin Enkhbat November 6, 2013 at 10:55 pm #

    Simply, thank you.

    I shared it on Facebook for all of the male species lol.

    *GRATITUDE!*

    BLESSINGS!

  9. Chris November 10, 2013 at 1:23 am #

    #30? Seriously man. Not everyone is religious. Believing in God has nothing to do with being a good guy. You should change the title to “29 Characteristics of a Good Guy” and drop the last one.

    • Ashley November 10, 2013 at 7:34 pm #

      Without #30, being a “good guy” is impossible. Every one of us is flawed and evil deep down, no matter how hard you try to do what’s right. Only the Bible has set out rules for moral living. Believing in God has everything to do with being a good guy.

      • Stephen November 11, 2013 at 7:04 am #

        But you can’t prove that god exists so that point is irrelevant until you can.

        • Bill November 12, 2013 at 1:34 am #

          Please tell me … Can you prove that God DOESN’T exist?

          • Frank July 20, 2015 at 4:17 pm #

            He doesn’t have to. The burden of proof lies with the religious who claim he exists (and that you can’t be good without believing in him).
            Besides not proving a statement is wront says nothing – you can’t prove the Loch Ness monster doesn’t exist either right?

      • D November 12, 2013 at 11:06 am #

        http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Deuteronomy+22%3A28-29&version=NIV

        so without god, everyone would be raping and killing everyone else eh? hmmm..
        so that’s why you believe in god

        If a man happens to meet a virgin who is not pledged to be married and rapes her and they are discovered, 29 he shall pay her father fifty shekels[a] of silver. He must marry the young woman, for he has violated her. He can never divorce her as long as he lives.

        leviticus 25:44-46
        However, you may purchase male or female slaves from among the foreigners who live among you. You may also purchase the children of such resident foreigners, including those who have been born in your land. You may treat them as your property, passing them on to your children as a permanent inheritance. You may treat your slaves like this, but the people of Israel, your relatives, must never be treated this way. (Leviticus 25:44-46 NLT)

      • Silas December 1, 2013 at 1:14 pm #

        That’s the first mistake. Believing that we’re evil and we some how need some devine cleaning,which without,we are doomed.
        There are evil People who can’t be made good with religion and in the same breath,there are wonderful people who have never needed a deity to worship.

      • Victor April 28, 2016 at 1:55 am #

        Exodus 21:20-21 read it and tell me how a good guy is congruent with that passage?

  10. Yisel November 10, 2013 at 5:38 am #

    Thanks for posting your insight. I completely agree. Blessings 🙂

  11. snliii November 11, 2013 at 6:00 am #

    RE: Stephen November 10, 2013 at 4:36 am

    “the universe can come from nothing as many quantum physicists have already opened as a possibility.”

    This is a half-truth. Sure, you have pop-culture physicists like Hawking who, when he’s not frequenting sex clubs to find inner “meaning” to his life, say that to secure grants and sell books. But _most_ physicists are beginning to conclude that there must be some fundamental transcendent cause for the universe (or if you prefer, multi-verse).

    “The bible says that slavery is allowed and that you can stone children. Where’s the good in that?”

    No it doesn’t. Most of the OT stuff regulates how slaves should be treated – not outwardly condoning the idea of slavery. Slavery in the OT was often the fate of people who were in massive debt, or sold themselves for a number of years so as to pull themselves out of poverty.

    Exodus 21:16: “Whoever steals a man and sells him, and anyone found sin possession of him, shall be put to death.” (You must have missed that part…)

    “What is your definition of good?”

    We have had 500 years of philosophy attempted to construct a system of ethics that is completely self-contained in logic without any mysticism, deriving from a certain metaphysics (or lack of), or epistemology. What you get are the bizarre categorical imperatives of Kant or the nihilism of Niche, which spawned absolutely nothing productive in art, culture, or the human condition. Contrast that with the Greeks who in conjunction with the birth of Christianity created the foundations of all Western Civ. The difference between the “good” of the post-moderns or moderns like Kant, and the “good” of the Aristotelian/Thomistic and “religious” ones is that it is rooted in a solid metaphysics. And central to a solid metaphysics is God. It follows that you cannot get “good” apart from God.

    • Stephen November 11, 2013 at 7:18 am #

      The god of the Old Testament is the same benevolent god in the New Testament. You can’t discount one part of a religious document and accept other parts, because that means you’re going against your own god/religion.

      Again if your basing your proof of good vs evil based on a single book, which was written by humans years after the proclaimed death of a man proclaimed to be Jesus then it doesn’t hold up. Catholic priests molest little kids, and you’re claiming that religion gives our society morals? Also explain why kids get cancer, why a god can’t heal amputees, and why miscarriages happen.

      Hawking spending time at sex clubs or whatever he does still doesn’t prove his theories wrong. Fact: The earth is not the center of the galaxy or the universe which is pretty much what judeo/Christians and Muslims believe. Evolution is a fact (which is also what a theory is), and the earth is billions of years old. This is science, which the religious model does not fit.

      You actually have the burden of proof that a god exists. The unknown is no reason to fill the gap with a higher power.

      • snliii November 12, 2013 at 4:51 am #

        Ok… here’s proof:

        Before I get started, I should note that the logical principles on which we reason the truth are the exact same that the scientific method is based on. To do a logical disjunction, or use the scientific method, you concede certain premises like the Law of Noncontradiction and that existence exists. With those axioms, you navigate your way to the truth, but the foundations of each process are structurally isomorphic.

        If you are prepared to accept or debate this, read on…

        PREMISES:
        1) Law of Noncontradiction. In logic you cannot have ‘A’ and ‘not A’ at the same time in the same place when ‘A’ refers to the same thing. Your computer is not a computer and an eggplant at the same time. In fact, if you begin to argue against this principle, you must actually use the principle itself, which makes your argument a self-refuting statement.

        2) You exist. (Do you really wanna argue this one?)

        TERMS:
        UC = An unconditioned reality. Something that does not have any causes. (ex, God. Not necessarily any God or Gods in particular.)

        CR = A conditioned reality. Something that is the result of 1 or more causes. (ex. a dog, a star, gravity, the big bang, light, space-time, humans, poop, music, physical laws like E=MC2, your thoughts, etc)

        QUESTION:
        Are there 1 or more UCs/Unconditioned Realities/God(s) that exist?

        ASTROPHYSICS:
        One of the most important advancements in science is the Borde-Vilenkin-Guth theorem (2003) on the impossibility of infinite past-time. Without going into to much complicated detail, this theorem comports with quantum gravity and all inflationary cosmological models. Simply put, any universe, multi-verse, etc has not always existed, infinitely, in the past – there was, with 100% certainty, an exact beginning. Even in the case of the ekpyrotic scenario or string/M-theory, where supposed branes clash together and bud off new universes in a network of multi-verses, this theorem applies. Again, it is an impossibility that time stretches infinitely in the past, meaning it does have a precise beginning presumably in some quantum nucleation event.

        LOGIC:
        A full disjunction is a logical process that shows from two separate options, that one is false and therefor the other must be true. The options are either that 1 or more UCs (God/Gods) exist, or NO UCs (God/Gods) exist. Because of the Law of Noncontridiction, both cannot be true. Because it’s completely non-nonsensical, both cannot be false – the proposition “no UCs exist” cannot be false while the proposition “1 or more UCs exists” is also false. The options are ‘A’ or ‘B’. There is no possible ‘C’ because all possible options fall in either A: 1 or more UCs (God/Gods) exist… or B: none exist.

        PROOF:
        1 or more Unconditioned Realities/UCs/God or God(s) exist because:
        1) A finite number of Conditioned Realities cannot explain all of existence.
        2) An infinite number of Condition Realities is not a possible scenario.
        3) A cyclical system, where ‘x’ causes ‘y’ causes ‘z’ causes ‘x’ causes ‘y’ etc., is not a possible

        Why ‘1’ cannot explain all of existence:
        The option that there are ONLY Conditioned Realities means that there would be some sort of fundamental condition on which existence came to be. But, this assertion is under the hypothesis that there are NO Unconditioned Realities… meaning that you can trace back all Conditioned Realities all the way back to something fundamental (like a quark for example), yet that quark is still a Conditioned Reality. So this final CR on which all reality is based on would have conditions itself which are not fulfilled. BUT a CR whose conditions are not fulfilled is literally nothing. Non-cause cannot cause a cause for the most fundamental Conditioned Reality. Because of the Law of Noncontradiction, non-cause for the most fundamental CR cannot also be the cause of the most fundamental CR.
        Therefor, the most fundamental Conditioned Reality must be the result of an Unconditioned Reality.

        2) Why an infinite number of Conditioned Realities is not possible to explain existence:
        As we know from the Borde-Vilenkin-Guth theorem, space-time does not stretch back into infinity – that there was an exact starting point. It is a scientific impossibility that there are an infinite number of causes that stretch back as far as there are numbers.. ad infinitum. That is scientific proof alone, but there is also a logical proof that refutes this as well.
        Having an infinite number of conditions on which a CR is predicated on means that there is no ‘fundamental condition’ on which all of reality relies on for it’s existence – it’s always a fundamental condition +1 more condition. This is unachievable, because if for example a cat is dependent upon a dependent upon a dependent ad infinitum in order for it to come into existence, then it can never exist because the conditions on which the cat is a cat is never fulfilled.

        3) Why a cyclical system is not possible:
        If in a cyclical system where a number of finite Conditioned Realities are all equally dependent on each other for their existence, then any Conditioned Reality in the circle is a ‘first cause’ and a Conditioned Reality that is also the result of itself. It’s obvious that a Conditioned Reality cannot be itself it’s own cause. People don’t create themselves – they are born from two mates. I am not a condition on which the planet Mars exists. A cyclical system claims this, yet is easily proved to be untrue.
        For an infinite number of CRs in a cyclical system, we already discussed the problem with an infinite number of CRs and it’s scientific and logical impossibility.

        CONCLUSION:
        IF it is proven logically, and supplemented with recent discoveries in science, that all of the options under ‘B’ are NOT POSSIBLE, and all possibilities that exist are either ‘A’ or ‘B’, then we must accept as FACT that there are 1 or more UCs/Unconditioned Realities/God or Gods.

        If you are a scientist, atheist, or uncertain, you must, as a logical and rational human, accept as fact and beyond any doubt that there IS a God. 1 or more.

        If you are a Christian, Jew, Muslim, Deist, Hindu, etc, you have more than your holy books to prove your faith in God.

        If you are agnostic, and you “don’t care” if there is a God or not, you can still not care, but you must accept as fact there is a God.

        EXPECTED POINTS OF DEBATE/CONFUSION:
        First off, I believe that some people may have a problem with why I say “1 or more Gods.” This is because there is another proof like this one that shows that polytheism is also an impossibility.

        Next, I assume some may poke around YouTube and find folks way smarter than you to help find holes in the “Cosmological Argument” set out here. 1 will be this supposed ’rounding’ that takes place during the Planck-era of Big Bang cosmology proposed by the Hartle-Hawking theorem. Basically it takes into account quantum gravity (because Einstein’s equations breakdown on the Planck level) and smooths off the the exact point/beginning of space-time so that it is no longer a singularity. It does this by assuming that in the Planck-era (which is 10 to the -43 power seconds within the Big Bang) time is acting in 3 dimensions like space, which makes it impossible to pinpoint the start since time is moving in 3 directions simultaneously… crazy I know. Regardless, time in this scenario is STILL finite as is space. This comports with the GVB theorem above that there was an exact beginning. But, this is often used an argument from some that since it may be impossible to point to an exact moment time began, that there was no beginning.. which given evidences that it didn’t exist into the past infinitely, doesn’t prove that there was NOT an exact beginning. Remember, most of the arguments you will find against the “Cosmological Argument” on the internet are not fully informed – the GVB Theorem is only as old as 2003, and that information has not fully disseminated throughout the entire scientific community, even recently graduated physicists.

        The laws of the universe, like gravity, the speed of light, the second law of thermodynamics, etc are ALL Conditioned Realities because you cannot have gravity without mass, light without energy, etc. If gravity exists with no universe and thus no mass, it is effectively nothing because it’s existence itself is predicated on space-time being there. As can be demonstrated, the effect nothing has on gravity is nothing. Likewise, a non-cause of gravity can not be it’s cause. If there was ‘nothing’ before the Big Bang, gravity and other laws of physics cannot exist.

        The universe or supposed multi-verse cannot be the cause of itself. Some claim that something exists 1st, and then starts a causal chain. The universe itself is not an Unconditioned Reality, because the universe itself is bound by space-time, and did not exist infinitely into the past and actually does not stretch out infinitely. Unconditioned Reality (God / Transcendent Cause) is not bound by ANY outside factors, and itself is eternal, existing before the universe. For a Conditioned Reality, it’s conditions cannot be itself and it’s cause because of Noncontradiction.

        The question “why” is irrelevant to this proof other than ascribing the answer to a UC.

        Some might have trouble with Unconditioned Reality equaling “God.” For something to be unconditioned (without conditions, and not predicated on anything else) means that this uncaused cause MUST have the same properties that theists ascribe to God. One example is God being eternal. Being eternal means to NOT be limited to time. Remember, time in our universe is simply another dimension, like height/width/length and started with the Big Bang. An Unconditioned Reality was the CAUSE of time – it did not exist in time and then create the universe. We are forced to accept, given the proof above, that an Unconditioned Reality is eternal and that it created/caused the universe. This is not some exception to the rule – that nothing can be eternal except for God. We are forced to conclude that this IS the rule – that there are 1 or more eternal creators of the universe.

        • snliii November 12, 2013 at 5:09 am #

          As a follow up, I should note that regardless of any scientific theory regarding the inflationary cosmological model, which just serves as supplementary evidence, the disjunction still stands.

          Re; the OT vs NT…. It is common knowledge that a specific provision in a doctrine always trumps a general one. An analogy can be made with the US Constitution’s amendments. (Which I hope are obvious…)

          Re; most Christians think the Earth is the center of the universe or solar system…. Um, I can’t name one who thinks that, nor can I find any passage in the Bible claiming such a think.

          • snliii November 12, 2013 at 5:11 am #

            *thought

  12. Mark G November 12, 2013 at 8:20 am #

    So, I can’t be considered a good guy if I’m a freethinker and don’t believe in a fake man in the sky?

    • Kris Wolfe November 12, 2013 at 5:26 pm #

      Mark, I would fail miserably if I compared myself to this list. You don’t have to have all 30 characteristics to be a good guy, but these are good things to work towards. This list is about self-improvement. When I wrote #30, I was inspired by Alcoholics Anonymous 12 step list:
      These are the original twelve steps as published by Alcoholics Anonymous (which I copied from Wiki)
      1. We admitted we were powerless over alcohol—that our lives had become unmanageable.
      2. Came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.
      3. Made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him.
      4. Made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.
      5. Admitted to God, to ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.
      6. Were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.
      7. Humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.
      8. Made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.
      9. Made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.
      10. Continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong, promptly admitted it.
      11. Sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out.
      12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to alcoholics, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.

  13. Elisha November 12, 2013 at 3:06 pm #

    Dear Kris –

    I’m not much of a blogger myself. In fact, the closest thing to blogging for me is looking at food reviews from urbanspoon haha. But I came across this simple yet amazing article via someon who shared it on their facebook. While reading, I could think of a friend who satisfies all these! And felt so grateful and lucky to have him as my friend. Although it’s gender specific, as you would agree, these are simply traits of any good person regardless of gender. I hope this serves me as a guide to become a good girl myself! Thanks for writing this enjoyable and inspirational post 🙂 Hope you write more interesting posts like this in the future. Regards from Australia

  14. neurotypical November 12, 2013 at 4:18 pm #

    This is scary. The whole list sounds a lot like me, then again I’m a woman. Perhaps I should have been better off as a man? Hmmm….

  15. Felicia November 13, 2013 at 12:33 am #

    Im a girl and i find myself nodding in agreement while reading this article and i find myself agreeing with many of the things on the list for myself as well, even though im a girl!

    When i tried googling for a similar list, but for the girl version, i found however, most of the lists defines a ‘good girl’ as a good girlfriend or a good wife. I guess its because they are mostly synonymous? But what if i just want to focus on my singlehood?

    Just wondering if you could write an article for the gals out there as well. How to be a good gal per se, not as a wife or a girlfriend, but just as a girl. (But of course i believe it probably encompasses being a good partner as well)

    Cheers and thanks for the good read!

  16. Mads November 13, 2013 at 6:07 am #

    Judging by the author’s profile pic, maybe he should put “a good guy looks like a prematurely born toad with Down’s syndrome” on the list too.

  17. Dan November 13, 2013 at 7:34 am #

    It’s unfortunate that you would choose to post and offer nothing but an ugly remark. You have brought your character to light. Not only have you mocked those with Down Syndrome as if it’s some kind of insult but have also insulted those who have family members that have DS as if they are taking care of someone that is less than human, only deserving to be used as insults. In the past I have made fun of those with disabilities in my comments and actions without fully realizing the gravity of what I was doing or what it revealed about my character. Having met and worked with some of these people, I’m ashamed that I ever did such a thing. I hope you come to the same realization at some point in your life. But right now man, shame on you.

    • Dan November 13, 2013 at 7:36 am #

      I apologize as my comment now seems very out of place. The comment I was replying to was deleted (thank you). Do with mine as you please but as of now it looks very out of place.

      • Kris Wolfe November 13, 2013 at 7:54 am #

        I reinstated it Dan just so you can make your point. My next door neighbor growing up had Down’s Syndrome, and I worked with The Arc in college. This is a site where anyone can constructively criticize. Just be respectful.

  18. Dan November 13, 2013 at 9:31 am #

    I’ve enjoyed reading your articles. Just found them tonight actually. This list is fantastic and I’m enjoying the journey of intentionally trying to improve in all areas.
    On a side note I was looking through your articles and haven’t happened upon one about modesty for men. I’ve researched many sides of the argument concerning women and modesty and only in the last couple years have been interested in the other side of things.

    This culture is morphing things such as “gender roles” and “sexual expression” on an almost daily basis. With the rise of pornography use by women do you think at some point the majority of how men’s brains react (since pornography use is proven to change the way men think about women) when they see a scantily clad woman could actually be the same case with the way women’s brains react in the future (I’m not blaming it all on the brain. Lusting ect would obviously play a part but I’m trying to avoid going in that direction)?

    I know some women are the same way now but they are not nearly the majority. I have had some honest and serious discussions with my female friends about how men dress (tight clothes, shirtless, “package” bulge visible) and their ideas made a lot of sense. I know it’s tempting to delve into the culture/geographical discussion when it comes to modesty but I was hoping perhaps that could be left out of it.

    So I guess my question would be if you would be willing to write an article when it comes to men and modesty, however you choose to write that. Since from your other posts I know you are big into fashion and have paid more attention to what men wear more than most men (I’m assuming), I figured your outlook would be unique. Perhaps you could co-write it with your wife? I’ve been enjoying her writing as well (which is how I found you).

    Anyways, thanks in advance for taking the time to read this.
    -Dan-

    • Kris Wolfe November 30, 2013 at 11:02 pm #

      Sorry I’m just getting back to you Dan. I completed an article on this topic and just submitted it to another website because the content seemed to align with their ideals. I will let you know when it’s out!

  19. FOREBARCA1899 November 20, 2013 at 5:41 pm #

    Hello Kris: This is an excellent list, but I have one question for you. Why is that a man’s courage is associated somehow with a woman? For example, this posting’s vision of courage mandates that one would actively pursue a woman, and that one would defend a woman when she is threatened. Yet, is there not the highest act of courage when a man lays down his life for his friend? Surely this is what Jesus did? Surely this is the patch that Bonhoeffer, Fr.Kolbe, and MLK Jr. did? In addition, what of those who have been called to singlehood? How do they actively exercise courage in the world?

    • Kris Wolfe November 21, 2013 at 1:23 am #

      You’re absolutely right. I hope to write an article more in-depth about this soon. The highest act of courage is when a man lays down his life for his friend, and I may consider updating the post to reflect this.

  20. Dee Williams November 21, 2013 at 1:12 pm #

    I’m in love with this blog. My husband, dad, stepdad and father in law have these qualities. Good men do leave their mark wherever they go and it’s an absolute blessing. A man already has the weight of the world on his shoulders. But a good man knows how to go to God and get it taken off.

  21. Silas December 1, 2013 at 1:35 pm #

    I think I’d find this man rather boring,crass and pretentious.

    A good man is aware of the flaws in the human condition and adjusts to achieve fulfilment and happiness for himself and those around him.
    He must be self aware… and that means that sometimes,with our backs against a wall, we stop being “Mr. Nice Guy” for the general good of ourselves and others.

    This is a an instruction manual.
    Last I checked,life didn’t come with one of those.

    • Kris Wolfe December 2, 2013 at 9:06 am #

      Did you read “No More Mr. Nice Guy?” Great book. I agree..self-awareness is an important characteristic as well.

  22. Matt January 25, 2014 at 3:05 am #

    It makes sense and I try to do most of the things on that “list”. But #30 ticks me off. Saying that in order to be a good guy, you half to believe in god is just ignorant. It sums up what religious powers have been doing since religion was invented. (And yes, it was invented, howbeit at many different times and places.)

    • Kris Wolfe February 10, 2014 at 9:33 pm #

      Matt, “God” has many connotations for many different people. Gallup says 9 out of 10 people believe in God or a universal spirit. I updated the list to say “Creator.”

  23. Tom January 30, 2014 at 4:44 pm #

    just because you believe in God doesn’t make you a good guy or if you don’t believe in God, and I’m assuming the author is saying a Christian God, makes you a bad person

    • David May 11, 2016 at 6:30 am #

      You guys need to lay off with the posts against #30. Just because you don’t like it doesn’t mean it’s a bad one, in fact I think it is the best one. I can guarantee you that more people liked it than didn’t like it, it’s just the people that are ignorant and dismissive that comment because they’re self-conscious about what they “know.” Just tell me why would you care so much about what others think if you knew you were right. Would you not just leave them alone? In these comments there have been atleast 2 times more comments against #30 than about anything else whatsoever.

  24. Christurds R Insane February 1, 2014 at 9:54 am #

    I’m sorry, but I have to say the entire list is a failure because of the last insanity of requiring a man to be INSANE and believe in bull crap.

    • Kris Wolfe February 10, 2014 at 9:34 pm #

      What do you believe in? Do you believe in the Universe?

      • Lidia February 22, 2014 at 11:39 am #

        So well written. The last point is the best, extremely important! 100000000….., without 1, they are just many 0s. .

  25. Caitlyn Coker March 20, 2014 at 1:41 pm #

    This has to be the most helpful list ever written. I was very surprised at the last point, but it was a good surprise! People don’t realize the impact that a good Christian man can have in a story. I loved all of these tips! Thanks so much for taking the time to put it all together! Number 29 is also a really good tip… especially when the writer is sentimental… like me 🙂

  26. Anna March 20, 2014 at 10:00 pm #

    Dear Kris,
    Thank you for such an insightful article! 🙂 I really do appreciate your honesty regarding finding a good guy. I have a special someone who I love dearly, and he matches up to most of the qualities that you have listed here, expect one or two. How do you boost a guy’s confidence? My man lacks confidence, and a bit insecure too, so I would like to boost his confidence and make him feel better about himself. Any tips or suggestions? Another thing, how do I make him feel better about himself, rather than insecure and doubtful? I do really love him, and I want him to know that he doesn’t have to be absolutely perfect.. I love him the way he is, but the lacking confidence is the problem that I struggle with right now, and another thing, too, if you don’t mind giving me another set of suggestions. He is almost constantly worried that he’ll lose me.. I love him, and only him, but how I can reassure him of that? Over all, he’s a truly fantastic guy, and I’m glad that he chose me over all the other ladies he could have chosen.

    • Kris Wolfe March 21, 2014 at 12:00 am #

      Great to hear from you Anna! Is he a words of affirmation kind of guy? It’s great he has someone who is so supportive of him, but ultimately, he has to do the work to develop self-confidence within himself and that only comes through guidance. It may be spiritual or emotional. It may come through a mentor or a counselor. Has he explored any of these avenues?

  27. Nicole April 26, 2014 at 9:35 pm #

    Hi Kris, this is a great article. It helped me realize that this whole time I was focusing on guys who don’t meet a lot of these qualities and it is a good eye opener to start focusing on those who do. Being in my early 20’s this generation is really tough with the advancement of technology and all those who abuse it too much. Communication is lacking and people are not as honest as they once were, but your article gives me hope that not all guys are like the ones I’ve dealt with and there are guys out there who have many if not all of the qualities above. Good, true, real, honest men are out there and this article has really helped me be less critical and more open. Thank you for writing this, I feel from the comments that you have changed a lot of women’s opinions in a positive way while giving us hope for true love and finding a genuine/real guy! Religion is so important and I feel it helps humans as a whole when they believe in something. Belief allows people to be kinder, forgiving, loving and understanding. As a Catholic, it is really important to know that many guys out there are religious and do have some sort of belief; whether weak or strong. I also believe when people are defensive against religion it is because they are scared to admit they believe or fear being judged, but religion is something that should be practiced proudly and without fear or embarrassment.

    Great writing, great article and great message!

    -Nicole

  28. Ian Korn May 9, 2014 at 3:07 am #

    This has to be one of the best lists I’ve seen.

  29. Tristan June 6, 2014 at 9:17 am #

    You had me until number 30.

    • DoughJames . November 3, 2014 at 1:20 am #

      I tuned out a long time before 30. But, I think Kris is a good guy with a good heart.

  30. Podi Mon July 16, 2014 at 12:35 pm #

    the ways to win life is make a man perfect in life.

  31. dzyner22 August 11, 2014 at 11:16 pm #

    “So characteristic #30 is last now will be First then, and characteristic #1 will be last.” Matthew 20:16

    • MrGoodGuy32 August 26, 2014 at 10:10 am #

      That’s not even close to what that scripture references. Don’t just throw stuff out there. That scripture talks about people who come last will be the first to be chosen “then” and the people who come first (people who have money, a lot of privileges, a lot of favors done for them, powerful, etc.) will come last then. It’s not talking about making God first and your character and integrity come last. Read up, son.

  32. Davette Brown December 5, 2014 at 7:50 am #

    Believing and following/loving are two different things. Hopefully if he loves and follows God, hopefully he will also be also showing qualities in Galations 5:22-23, Romans 12:9-21, and 1 Timothy 3 1-10, among others. A good guy wouldn’t be using his Christianity as bait.

  33. Dbakeca Italia April 13, 2015 at 3:11 pm #

    i agree with you Tristan

  34. ViceKnIghtTA June 13, 2015 at 8:44 am #

    Actually #30 is all it takes

    and there’s other religions out there besides Christianity…did you all forget?

    What kind of “good guys” are you people lol?

  35. Frank July 20, 2015 at 4:26 pm #

    Great list and I will be using the first 29. Number 30 will be ignored. It’s pretty obvious that religion is manmade since all cultures have invented it and nobody has yet proven the claim that gods exists even though they had thousands of years to do it.
    – and yes you can be good without believing in bronzeage mythology from the middeleast. If you had friends and family who were atheists you would know that.

    • Marko October 21, 2015 at 6:24 pm #

      I wish there was a Like button here 🙂

  36. dIncontri January 18, 2016 at 12:41 pm #

    I will definitely buy this book

  37. Putas18 January 18, 2016 at 12:41 pm #

    What about the book?

  38. Ian Stuart April 1, 2016 at 2:48 am #

    Thanks for writing this article, my girlfriend sent me this to point out all my flaws lol.

    whilst I think you make a lot of valid points, I think number 30 questionable. I don’t a creator, I have 2, my parents created me and I talk with them rather then pray to them

  39. Con Kassis April 1, 2016 at 3:20 am #

    A lot of these qualities are learnt when practising karate

  40. Pattiya Tupila April 1, 2016 at 3:23 am #

    This is really cool!

  41. J Lewis July 28, 2016 at 3:21 am #

    This man doesn’t exist.

  42. Notawife August 1, 2016 at 9:30 pm #

    Just the same old bull basically saying men are superior in that they have to be leaders and strong, whereas women have be to selfless and supportive – sod that for a game of secretaries – there’s more than one way to be a girl haha

  43. Notawife August 1, 2016 at 9:39 pm #

    Are you a psychopath?

  44. kaku September 2, 2016 at 10:12 am #

    omg! I have all the traits 🙂

    • Pepper February 23, 2017 at 11:35 pm #

      Good for you!

  45. Pepper February 23, 2017 at 11:34 pm #

    I’m writing a book and the main character is also writing a book to publish and her favorite character is Ari Matteo. She loves him for currently unknown reasons but this article changed that.

    I just can’t believe that you go through every single comment and reply faithfully and different to each person. You must have all of these characteristics to sit at three in the morning reading and analyzing comments.

    • Kris Wolfe February 25, 2017 at 9:23 am #

      Thanks! I try my best. When will your book be finished?

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