3 Reasons You Cannot Complete Her


You know what I can’t stand?

Disney movies.

It’s not that I think they’re juvenile.  The animation doesn’t bug me. It’s not even the fact the insanely catchy show tunes still dance through my head 20 years after hearing them for the first time.

Disney movies bug me because I grew up thinking that love and marriage were going to look exactly like what I saw on the silver screen.

Maybe I’m being a bit dramatic and a little bitter, but I’m annoyed so many movies say the same thing: when a man finds a woman or when a woman finds a man, they’ll complete each other. “You complete me.”

At one time, I believed this.

In fact, I believed it so thoroughly that I had my eyes peeled for my missing half, waiting  so I could be her everything (and so she could be mine).

You cannot complete her anymore than you can fly.

In fact, there are a lot of things you can’t do that Disney and Hollywood might make you believe.

So, I’d like to take the wind out of the sails before they blow any more people off course with their misguided attempts for marriage advice.

3 Reasons You Cannot Complete Her

1. You are not her savior.

As much as we would like to believe we are, we’re just not meant to be a woman’s savior.

We would like to believe that when we she meets us, she’s going to be made whole…that every aching part of her will fall away and she’ll never need anything other than your arms holding her tight.

Gentleman, you can’t save this woman anymore than she can save you. If you move forward in a relationship thinking you can, you’re both going to experience some bitter frustration and you won’t ever experience the true relational bliss available to you when you know who your real savior is.

2. You can’t give her identity.

Because of our nature we often look to others for our identity. Many women look to men for identity and it’s why you see so many women clinging to awful guys. Let me blunt: you didn’t make this woman, so you can’t possibly give her an identity. Only the Creator of the universe can.

If either of you believe that identity is found in the person you’re with, you’re not only setting yourself up for heartbreak, you’re living in a fantasy world that isn’t even based on any kind of legitimate truth.

3. You will disappoint her.

Hollywood falls short in many ways, but one of their most glaring faults is the fact that every romantic movie you’ve ever seen ends at “happily ever after.” You are going to disappoint whoever you’re with.

If you think the end goal of a relationship is so you can walk around blissfully with your head in the clouds for the rest of your life, you’re never going to be satisfied with your partner.

Know you’ll disappoint her…know she will disappoint you.

Guys, you need to know you can’t complete her…you just can’t.

But you can love her.

And you can fight for her.

And you can die for her.

Because that’s what love is…dying to self for the benefit of someone else.

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5 Responses to 3 Reasons You Cannot Complete Her

  1. Isabella March 26, 2014 at 2:00 pm #

    I think it depends on the individual. Some people are independent, have developed a good sense of self, have a solid identity, and can still feel something is missing, or feel a lack of wholeness. When they say someone “completes” them, it does not necessarily mean what you perceive it to mean. To me, to feel complete means that this person understands or attempts to understand me, and that they are both a friend and a lover.
    However, even if someone had a very idealistic definition of the phrase “you complete me” like you stated above, I don’t feel there is anything wrong with that. As long as the person is happy, why tell them what to think or how they should treat their relationships? If a person views love with more fantasy and imagination, who are you to attempt to counsel them into thinking like you?

  2. Jarid March 26, 2014 at 8:02 pm #

    This article is 100% correct!

  3. Adam Lantelme March 27, 2014 at 3:10 pm #

    Thanks Jarid.

    Isabella I would just argue that the only thing meant to complete us is a relationship with the creator of the Universe. We were made for human relationships, but the most fulfilling relationship is with the one who died for us and was resurrected.

    All other relationships only serve to point us to the significance of the one we should have with God. As for who am I to try and counsel them all I can say as humbly as I can is I am noting more than a vessel to be used by God to dispense His wisdom and truth.

    We can agree to disagree, but understand I would never say human relationships aren’t of extreme importance, but that they are not what will bring us the fullness we can find in Christ.


  4. Eva March 27, 2014 at 4:38 pm #

    This article is very well written. There is something to be said about both men and women who can understand the concept of this article in this day in age. Especially with the onslaught of misconceptions that are so generously plastered everywhere.

  5. Temeka April 5, 2014 at 12:06 pm #

    Speaking from the female side. This article is for us too. I totally agree with everything you have written. Please continue to let God use you.

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