It’s interesting the heart is most associated with love because it’s a muscle. Is your love life stagnant? Does your relationship feel like it’s over? If you want to revive love, think of it like training a muscle. Bear with me…
I was feeling great at the gym tonight. My workout buddy, James Ellis, hadn’t trained for an entire month, so I was stronger than him for the first time ever. I know my euphoria will be short-lasting, though, because of this thing called muscle memory.
Muscle memory is “the observation that strength trained athletes experience a rapid return of muscle mass and strength even after long periods of inactivity.” In other words, James will rapidly return to form and I’ll be left in the dust soon enough.
If love were an organ, it would be a heart, and therefore a muscle. So, I have to believe such a thing as “love memory” exists like muscle memory. Perhaps you haven’t used that muscle in awhile…
10 Ways You Can Revive Love In Your Relationship
1. Remember what initially attracted you to her.
Just the other day, a buddy asked me how I initially pursued Kristen. I recounted the moments, and as I was describing them, a wave of gratefulness swept over me. Fumbling through those memories reminded me even more that I’m with the most amazing woman in the world. The “love memory” is always there, but it requires daily thought and training.
2. Learn something new about her.
While Kristen and I have been married almost 4 years, I still have so much to learn about her. One of my mentors has been married almost 40 years and tells me he still learns new things about his wife. You can spend a lifetime getting to know someone and still fall short of knowing them. Curiosity can revive love.
3. Admit your contribution to the mediocrity or the divide.
What part have you played in the decline of the relationship? No one can be completely without fault. Relationships are a two-way street. Even in cases where cheating has occurred, one can still claim small, even slight ownership.
4. Be equally yoked.
While “unequally yoked” applies to matters of faith, being unequally yoked implies a disproportionate share of a burden. Does she feel like she’s giving or doing more in the relationship? Maybe she goes to a faith gathering and you do not? This can impact a relationship. One person should not carry most of the weight in a relationship; it should be shared.
5. Identify your struggle or temptation.
You are not alone. Every guy will be tempted at one point or another, but it’s how one reacts to it that matters. You don’t have to succumb to temptation. Find help through support groups or counseling. Drugs, alcohol, pornography, any addiction for that matter, can destroy a relationship over time. If you want to revive love, it starts with identifying, then admitting your issue.
6. Be thankful.
Are you being critical? A demeaning environment will hurt any relationship. The opposite of being judgmental and disapproving is to be complimentary. If you want to revive love, get better at complimenting. Start by being thankful. Instead of focusing on what you’re unhappy about, think of the reasons you’re proud to be with her…and then tell her.
7. Treat her with love.
Sometimes love seems impractical and completely emotional. But, love is a verb as cliche as this may sound. We can act in love. “Love is patient, love is kind.” Are you being patient with her? Or, are you demanding? Are you kind to her? Or, are you inconsiderate of her feelings?
8. Be fully present.
One of the greatest contributions to inattentiveness is the phone. Social media has definitely roadblocked quality moments with Kristen and I. Perhaps one of the easiest and most practical ways to revive love is to put your phone down.
Listening goes hand-in-hand with being fully present. As we’ve discussed in previous articles, listening is much more than what you hear with your ears. Nonverbal communication can play the most important part if your goal is to revive love.
10. Be humble.
The ego, or pride, harms relationships. This is a tough one for guys since we often value respect. When we feel disrespected, ego often rears its head. Don’t be a doormat. Establish boundaries, but love isn’t self-serving.